


I Am An Island, You Are The Ocean

by BringMeTheSky



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Dreamsharing, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluffier than I thought it would be, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Loss of Virginity, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, There will be smut later on, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, explicit tag kicks in around chapter 6, redeemed ben solo (eventually)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:27:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 92,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BringMeTheSky/pseuds/BringMeTheSky
Summary: After her refusal in the throne room of the Supremacy, and then the battle at Crait, Rey believes the Force Bond between her and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren to be dead. She continues on with her life with the Resistance, now located on the jungle moon of Ajan Kloss. However, one day the bond returns, bringing her and Kylo Ren together time and time again, and changing both their lives in the process.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 160
Kudos: 196





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edit 16/11/20 I've edited the opening of this fic, as i was never very happy with it. A few paragraphs from the beginning have been deleted.
> 
> Edit 21/01/20 There is now a Spotify playlist for this fic, which can be found [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

The first time the bond brought them together after she had refused to take his hand, it was different to any other time before.

*

The jungle moon of Ajan Kloss resonated with life all around her. Rey reached out idly with the Force as she tinkered with the dead communicator, sensing the vast and intricate web of life that surrounded the Resistance base. From the small sparks of insect and reptile life, to the larger flares of predators stalking their prey across the jungle floor, all red hunger and sharp teeth and claws, she could feel it all. As she drifted there, she reached out deliberately for the place within her that had tethered her to Ben Solo.

The bond was dead now, at least she thought so. Where there had once a tugging and pulling that anchored her to him, a bright thread connecting them across light years, there was now only a space. She didn't like it. Part of her felt empty, and she felt misshapen and out of sorts most of the time as a result. Still, he had made his choice she supposed, declared himself Supreme Leader of the entire galaxy, blamed Snoke's death on her, and was now closeted away, light years away and hopefully blissfully unaware of the Resistance's presence on Ajan Kloss.

Rey shook herself slightly, and silently berated herself . She had checked again and again for the presence of the bond over the last few weeks, unable to help herself. It did her no good, only sharpened the edges of the isolation she felt. It had become a bad habit, she thought, one that she needed to break.

Instead, she tried to focus back on the task at hand. Moisture was a problem here on the jungle moon. Water had an insidious way of finding its way through even the smallest gaps in the electronics, and the Resistance was working as hard as it possibly could to moisture proof all the equipment. She shook her head, frustrated. The communicator was beyond repair. Somehow that made her feel even more despondent. She put it back down on the table in front of her with a thud.

Reaching to her hip, she unclipped a pouch that she kept constantly at her side, unrolled it, then spread the contents on the table. The broken pieces of her lightsaber lay in front of her, sundered in two by her and Ben Solo as they battled for its ownership. She ran her fingers over the shattered pieces. She had no clue how to fix it. She had hoped the sacred Jedi Texts she had stolen from Ahch-To would help, but so far they had been worse than useless. She was struggling with the translations, and the very little she had managed to decipher was dense, dry and made little practical sense. She had resorted to flicking through the volumes looking for images of lightsabers, but so far had found nothing which remotely resembled one

It was raining beyond the canopy that sheltered her workstation, drops spattering onto the leaves above, to gather and fall as bigger droplets to the ground. The air smelled of life, earthy and fragrant. She knew she should continue with her work, but somehow it was hard to motivate herself, the noise of the rain on the canopy too soporific and calming to concentrate. She leaned her head back on the cool slab of rock behind her for just a moment, closing her eyes, listening to the sound of the rain around her and keeping her awareness open. Drifting, she allowed herself to be pulled along by the hidden tides of the Force, sinking deeper into its ebb and flow and feeling the edges of sleep reaching up to claim her.

When everything went silent around her, Rey didn't react at first, her drowsy mind only half registering the change in her environment... but then the warm wet scents of the jungle disappeared too, to be replaced by a much dryer air with the faint scent of leather and something like sandalwood. The silence receded, resolving into the unmistakable hum of a starship in hyperspace.

Rey's eyes flew open, and she scrambled wildly to her feet, clapping a hand to her mouth before she could cry out in shock. She looked around her frantically. Black walls. Dark grey furniture with hard edges, utilitarian rather than made for comfort,. A control panel, flickering symbols and numbers on the wall. On one side of the room, a viewport with the blurry white-blue of starlines streaming outside it, casting a dim flickering starlight over the whole space. A chair set before a small desk scattered with wires and tools. Nearby, an open doorway which must lead into another room.

Her eyes widened, her hand coming automatically to her waist, and she cursed silently under her breath as she realised that first she had left her lightsaber on the table at the Resistance base, and that second, it didn't matter anyway as it was in pieces.

Next to her, heavy black clothes were thrown carelessly over a seat, their fabric collapsed like origami gone wrong. On top of the pile of clothes were a pair of black gloves with the faint scent of leather rising from them. Most tellingly of all though, Rey felt the sweet relief of an ache being soothed at last, the space inside her filling up with an energy signature she knew like the back of her hand. Vibrations thrummed in the air as the bond surged between her and Ben, suddenly very much alive again and tugging inside her chest. There was no doubt in her mind, about where she was, and that he was very close by. Wariness and anger warred with an unsettling sense of completeness and homecoming.

They'd never been able to fully see each others surroundings through the bond before; they had only ever appeared to each other disembodied from whatever space they occupied. Experimentally she reached down to the chair where his clothes lay to run her fingers across the weave of the fabric, before landing on the soft leather of one of his gloves. She picked it up and held it, turning it over and over in her hands, thinking furiously. She could interact with his environment it seemed. This was entirely new. Her thoughts immediately went to how she could take advantage of this development to help the Resistance, before realisation struck her and a cold fear began crawling in her guts. If this was how the bond was now bringing them together, could it work both ways? Could it bring him to her too, fully into her space, into the earthy wetness of the forest and the fledgling Resistance base? Rey swallowed hard. If so, she was compromised now, a real risk to her friends and their cause.

At least, more compromised than before, she though wryly. She had, after all, allowed herself to believe in Ben Solo and gone hurtling through space on a fool's errand to try and turn him. But now there would have to be some sort of reckoning once she was back at the base. She would at the very least need to tell Leia what had transpired, even though the thought of that made her breathless and slightly sick.  
_Hey, I've been meeting up with your ex-Jedi son, turned mass murderer, turned leader of the fascist organisation you're currently battling against, through some sort of weird force bond I have no control over_...Rey shook her head grimly. The last thing she wanted to do was cause Leia any more pain, and she had too often seen the deep hurt that surfaced and flashed briefly across Leia's eyes whenever her son was mentioned in meetings. There was also the very real possibility that she would need to go away from the Resistance base, away from her friends and the only found-family she had ever known.

Ever pragmatic, Rey decided that there was nothing to be done about that right now, so it was pointless to dwell on it any further. With a sigh, she packed that worry away in her mind for whenever she found herself back on the jungle moon, something unpleasant to be dealt with in due course. Instead, she looked around her again, more carefully this time, and at the same time reached out with the Force.

She could feel Ben's force signature pulsing close by, unmistakable but somehow also strangely muted and hard to grasp hold of. The tight coil of the bond inside her flared brightly and yearned towards it. She glanced nervously at the nearby blinking lights of the control panel. She should try and turn this to the Resistance's advantage and see what data was accessible from what was presumably the quarters of the Supreme Leader. But, she rationalised to herself, first she should quietly check on what he was doing that had made his signature so dulled and slippery in the Force. She should make sure she wouldn't be caught in the act of combing through the First Order's computer systems. Tentatively, slowly, keeping her tread as light as possible, she followed the borderline painful tug in her chest and approached the open doorway, holding her breath as she peered around its edge.

Beyond lay a room - black of course - but illuminated by soft red and blue lights set in recesses all along the walls. Beneath them, a wide bed with expensive looking dark sheets that were currently tangled round a pair of impossibly long legs; legs belonging to the sleeping form of Ben Solo. Something twisted sharply inside Rey. She forced herself to continue to breathe, but her breathing hitched and came all too shallow, making her feel light-headed and unsteady.

He slept on his back, his long pale limbs sprawling wide across expanse of the bed. Dark locks of hair framed his face. He was bare-chested, sheets pushed down low along his waist, exposing his hip bones and the triangular slope of the muscles that led down beneath them. Rey felt her cheeks warm, and she swallowed hard. She took in the hard planes of his chest and stomach, sculpted by the red and blue lights. He was so pale against the dark sheets, his skin so light against the darkness of the room around him that he looked like sculpted porcelain. She wondered how that skin would feel under her hands, how soft his hair would be through her fingers. She shook herself slightly, watching her own thoughts and desires with a horrified fascination. She needed to get a grip and focus.

He slumbered on, oblivious to the conflict roiling through her. She could kill him where he slept, Rey realised as her eyes roved over the room. His saber rested on a table beside the top of the bed, close enough for him to grab and wield if necessary. If she wanted to, she could move forwards, take that saber, ignite it, and plunge it through his chest. She could watch as his eyes flew open at the moment the burning blade punctured his skin, wide with terror and pain. It would pierce his heart before he even had time to react and he would die looking into her eyes, betrayal and sadness on his lips. In many ways, it would be a kindness.

She knew she couldn't do it though. The thought of it was overwhelming, the idea of the galaxy without him in a leaden weight in her stomach. To kill him would be to sever the connection between them, to destroy the strange energy that twisted and curled inside them both, connecting them through space and time. She wasn't even aware of what would happen if one half of a force-bonded unit died, it could mean her own death for all she knew. The Jedi Texts had been about as useful to her on Force-bonds as they had been on the topic of mending broken lightsabers.

Yet that was the ultimate goal of the Resistance she was a part of, was it not, to bring down the First Order? Killing its Supreme Leader would be a good first step towards that. But Rey knew not only that she couldn't do that herself, but that she also didn't want anyone else to do it either. It was a harsh conflict, a puzzle she couldn't solve within herself. All she could do was let the Force guide her. She wished the pieces would just snap easily into place, that the path forward would become clear, and most of all she wished for the Light to pull Ben Solo back into its embrace. Yet at the same time she couldn't deny the things he had done, the decisions he had made, and the dark energy that nestled at his very core, which gathered around and lay over him even now as he slept. It was his one constant companion through all that he had done, and she knew it was the one thing he thought could rely on. It was the dark mirror of the light within her, and he was deep within its grasp.

Suddenly out of the corner of her eye, she saw his fingers twitch, and she almost stepped back behind the partition, her heart thudding with the heady rush of adrenaline – but his eyes remained closed and he slept on. His fingers twitched again, his head turned from side to side, dark locks falling across his brow. His legs jerked, and he uttered a small whimper. He was dreaming.

She dared to step closer, and then closer still, until eventually she was almost at the side of the bed, standing over him. Reaching down with a slightly shaky hand, she brushed back his hair from his face, watching as his eyes moved under the delicate skin of his eyelids. She traced sharp angles of his cheekbones with her eyes, sweeping down to the lines of his throat and then back up, lingering on his full, expressive lips. His mouth twitched and he grimaced as if in pain, before screwing up his eyes and letting out a pained sound which sounded loud in the quiet air of the room. A trembling started in his limbs, quaking up through his powerful muscles, growing more violent by the second. He whipped his head back and forth on the pillow as he mouthed out the agony of whatever dark dream held him.

Suddenly aware again that his lightsaber was within arms reach, Rey realised that if he woke up, his first reaction at stepping directly from a dream into finding her in his room, looming over him, might be to grab that saber, ignite it, and swing for her. She picked it up delicately, wincing as she ignored the singing pain calling out to her from the cracked crystal inside it, before placing it on the floor well out of his reach.

His dreams - or, more likely, nightmares - were pulling him even deeper now. He twisted and turned on the bed, seized by bouts of shaking before suddenly going limp and becoming still. Rey wondered if he slept so badly every night. She was no stranger to bad dreams herself, several of which involved him – Kylo Ren chasing her through the snow, slashing at her wildly, his face filled with rage; him throwing out his arm and lifting her high into the air to crash against a tree like a rag doll; the harsh piercing feeling as he pressed into her mind while he spoke to her with a soft voice. There were better dreams as well though; their fingers meeting in the damp stone hut on Ahch-To as they both told each that the other wasn't alone any more ( _now that we have found each other,_ the unspoken part of that affirmation); of fighting beside him perfectly synchronised; of the both of them wonderful and powerful and glorious together. She wondered if he ever dreamed of her.

He moaned again, and it was then that she noticed the tears sliding from under his closed eyelids, leaving a shining trail down his cheek and soaking into the black pillow beneath. Not just a single tear, but one after the other. Rey's heart went out to him.

Gently, she lowered herself onto the bed. She hesitated for a moment, before finally resting her palm across the top of his hand. The bond surged as they touched, sparking like electricity. There were no defences in his sleeping mind and so she slipped within easily, sinking down through the dense layers of his unconsciousness. Hovering there, just over the surface of his of his dreams, ever mindful of the dark tide that lay underneath, Rey let go and plunged into the current of his thoughts.

Kylo Ren and Ben Solo stood within the thermal oscillator of Starkiller base, two men in one body. The narrow bridge stretched away before and behind him, a line cutting through the darkness, a metaphor for his pathway which had led him relentlessly to this exact point. His whole was body tensed as Han Solo walked towards him. Inside him the shattered glass of a thousand pieces of light and dark warred for dominance, cutting and tearing at his insides, and in the middle this violent tornado the part of him that was still Ben Solo screamed desperately. In his dream, Ben Solo fought with Kylo Ren not to ignite the saber, battling against the relentless tide of darkness, against the inevitable slide of his thumb, his thoughts whirling in distress. But it was no use, the saber still ignited, the crimson piercing instantly through Han Solo's chest, Solo's eyes widened in shock, but then his father's expression changed and there was nothing but love and understanding as he reached up and cradled his son's cheek in his calloused palm, before falling into the chasm, his body spinning like a leaf in the wind. This was followed by a ripping grief coring its way through Kylo's/Ben's mind and spirit, a keening noise like a wounded animal wailing endlessly somewhere in his head. Rey's mind staggered at the sheer agony within him. She could feel her breath coming in gasps, and she tried to will herself into calm, lest she wake him.

The dream wavered at the edges. It shifted into another memory, replaying itself over the landscape of Ben's subconscious as Rey hovered at the edges watching. Now he knelt in subservience on the hard black floor of the Supremacy throne room as a furious Snoke rifled painfully through his mind, bringing to light every bad memory, every failure, every inadequacy Ben had ever felt, shoving them at him over and over again until everything within him resolved into a sense of sheer black despair and hopelessness. Next, Snoke's hand shot out and every muscle of Ben's contracted as a searing pain ripped through him, each nerve set alight in an agony that consumed body and mind, leaving him dumb and senseless, reduced only to the most primal instincts. Helpless screams echoed from the walls of Ben's mind, and as he convulsed on the ground Rey didn't know which of them it was that screamed in horror. Eventually, after what could have been aeons, hours or just minutes, Snoke finally retreated. He crowed smugly over Ben's screams, as he lay trembling and shamed on the floor. Rey knew in her bones that this memory wasn't the first time or the last that Ben had been subjected to Snoke's physical and emotional sadism, far from it. Her heart wept for him.

The memory blurred and Rey's perspective shifted again. They were still in the throne room, but now she watched as Ben stood there holding out his hand to her, filled with a desperate hope. She felt the the crushing disappointment, the shame, the self loathing as she refused him, and a fervent conviction that he wasn't good enough, would never be good enough for anyone. That all he had left was his anger and his darkness, and so he would wrap around himself like armour, and hold it tightly, and nobody would be able to touch him ever again.

Tears prickled under Rey's eyelids and she pulled back, unable to bear any more. She felt exhausted and washed out after just a few minutes in his mind and inside his memories. She couldn't imagine what it was like to live like with that type of conflict and those sort of dark memories inside you - It wasn't even half a life. She understood now the semi-circle of shadows that perpetually framed his eyes, and felt his bone deep tiredness as her own.

Without thinking, she automatically reached for the Light inside her, that perpetual wellspring that was always waiting for her just under the surface. She took a deep breath, lifted her hand from his and placed it instead onto his chest over his heart. His skin was hot under her palm and the bond tingled and thrummed between the place skin met skin.

“Ben,” she whispered, as if his true name was a talisman that could ward away his nightmares

“Ben Solo.”

Through that touch she channelled all the calmness, light ,warmth and goodness she could. She pulled on her connection to the Force, that silent breath at the heart of the cosmos. She made herself like the rising sun, first a gentle twilight softening the hard edges of his darkness, then the full rays rising and breaking across his mind. She poured it into him, feeling the darkness flinch and resist as it met her. But connected deep into the Force she was a sun, a star, she was nuclear fission, pure energy rolling into him, until the darkness that gripped his dreams reluctantly receded.

Ben's trembling body stilled, his clenched muscles going limp, his body softening into the bed. She watched as the stressed lines of his face relaxed into what looked like a deeper slumber. He looked so much younger when he was at peace, more boyish and rakish, somewhat like his father. He looked unburdened by the weight of the galaxy and the legacy of the darkness. He murmured softly in his sleep.

She sunk into his mind again to see what dreams the Light had wrought inside of him. Now he was dreaming of Leia, of warmth and belonging, as she cradled a young Ben Solo on her lap. The delicious scent of a flower, that Ben's mind named as 'gingerbells' was all around them, drifting in the breeze of a lush garden. Leia smelled of clean linens and safety, and he reached up to curl his small hands around the braid which hung down her shoulder.

The dream shimmered at the edges and shifted, until now, older, his father smiled at him as he ran up the ramp of the Falcon to meet Chewie who enveloped him in a huge bear hug. They were back from a long trip, finally home at last, and Ben felt excited and happy as he stroked his hands through Chewie's long fur. Pulling on him was the knowledge and the fear that his father would shortly disappear again, off on some haphazard smuggler's mission. But for now they were home and everyone was together, a rare event between his father's frequent trips off world and the call of his mother's political career, something to be savoured.

The dream changed, and now he dreamed of his early days at Luke's Jedi Academy. He was sitting on a cushion cross legged in a stone room, exploring his powers in a more structured way at last as Luke guided him towards harnessing the light. When he felt the joyful touch of it in his grasp he felt exhilarated and free of the darkness that had dogged his thoughts from as early as he could remember. The dark was there in those days, yes, but so was touch of the light. At that thought, almost as if bidden by it, the darkness tried to slither in and encroach on the edges of the dream. But Rey caught it and then pushed at it hard, shoving it away, shining herself out to burn it away and spreading protectively over Ben's sleeping mind.

The dream shifted once again, blurring at the sides, the scene changing and repainting itself in greens and blues into a grassy meadow under an azure sky. The air was warm and fragrant, and clouds scudded across the heavens. Rey suddenly felt herself lose definition as she drifted away from being a passive observer, being pulled slowly but inevitably into the dream. She almost jumped back at that, afraid of discovery, but her curiosity got the better of her. She allowed herself to drift into place in the scene, until she felt the ground under her back and could see the sky spread above her. The grasses tickled at her bare legs as the stalks shifted in the breeze, and out of the corner of her eye bright flowers in full bloom bobbed their heavy heads.

She turned her head to the side. Ben Solo lay beside her in the meadow, not younger this time, but instead as he was now, the scar she had given him tracking down the right side of his face. He turned his head too, meeting her gaze, looking at her with fathomless eyes that looked almost amber in the bright daylight.

 _Where are we?_ Rey hadn't spoken the question out loud, merely wondering to herself where they might be, but Ben answered her all the same. His lips remained still as he replied _Chandrila...where I was born._ His deep eyes roved all over her face, from her hairline, down her cheeks , to her lips and then finally back to her eyes with an unreadable expression. Rey felt herself blush slightly at the scrutiny. Then he spoke out loud in his usual deep and resonant voice.

“Are you really here?”

“In a way,” Rey hedged. “I suppose it's the bond, I think i'm in your dream, or you're dreaming of me, or...” she trailed off. Nothing she said was a lie, exactly, she supposed, soothing herself with that thought.

Ben turned his gaze back to the sky. “This is the last place I remember being really happy. After that...” he made a dismissive gesture with his hand, his eyes creasing slightly at the edges with remembered pain.

Not wanting him to spiral back down, Rey brushed the back of her hand against his, the bond sparking distinctively, even in the dream. He turned back to look at her sharply.

“So let's just be here then,” she suggested. “Because its where you were happy.”

His eyes softened then, and his hand turned, searching for hers. She was surprised, but she instantly responded, repositioning her fingers until his left hand was intertwined with her right, fingers locked and palms pressing together. The bond sang between them, clear, light and strong and in this dream place it vibrated with an energy that was almost on the edge of hearing, some glorious symphony echoing out into the air around the two of them. She wondered if he could almost hear it too.

Ben shifted and wriggled on the ground, edging himself closer to her. Reys heart fluttered as she felt a sudden stong surge through the Force. Suspicious, she reached out towards him through the bond only to find it wasn't coming from Ben, or even from herself. Instead it was coming from the heart of the Force itself. Rey pressed herself into the surge of energy, trying to get a handle on what was happening, what it was trying to show her, but she couldn't grasp the sense of it. She felt as if she was on the cusp of something, teetering at the edge. Perhaps it was a chasm into hellfire or into nothingness, or perhaps it was some glorious discovery that would change everything. Frustrated with its mysteries, she let it go for now, aware all of a sudden how close Ben was.

Rey could feel his breath puffing against her face as he leaned forwards, until his eventually he let the top of his forehead meet hers, closed his eyes and then finally rested there. They lay there like that, hands and foreheads pressed together, letting the energy of the bond wrap around them. The scent of flowers was all around, there was the sound of birds calling as they streaked across the sky and the grass was soft and fragrant under their backs. The sun was warm on her skin and Rey allowed herself sink into contentedness. It felt right. It felt complete. And after all, she reminded herself, it was only a dream.

After an indefinable time, Ben pulled back slightly and murmured her name, so softly that if she had been any further away she wouldn't have heard it. But close as she was, she did.

“Mmmm?” she hummed lazily, cracking her eyes open to meet the deep brown of his gaze.

“I'm...I'm _happy_ right now,” he replied in a surprised tone, and there was wonder upon his face. He was connecting to the Light, Rey realised. She could feel it there in him, it was written across his features, flashing in his eyes and and pulsing strongly in him. And though she was holding the Dark back herself, she realised that she wasn't doing it alone. Part of him held it back it too, although she wasn't sure if he realised he was doing so.

She shifted onto her side, keeping their hands locked together, before lifting her free hand to push his hair back out of his eyes. It was soft and silken under her fingers, just as she had earlier imagined, and it smelled of smoke and sandalwood.

“Good,” she replied with sincerity, smiling at him. Then, wonder of wonders, he smiled back, fully and openly, showing his teeth. She had never once seen him smile before, even slightly. It lit up his face like a beacon, and Rey realised with a start that he was absolutely beautiful like this.

Almost as if in response to her shock, the dream began to fall away, curling and crumbling at the edges like aged paper, the image of Ben's smile blurring and then fading as the sound of the starship reasserted itself and she felt herself swimming back upwards and outwards, back herself and into the room.

She panicked for a moment thinking that he too would wake and catch her there next to him on the edge of his bed, hand pressed over his heart. He was still sound asleep though, she realised with some relief as she lifted her hand carefully away. There was the shadow of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth in his sleep, just a ghost of the one she had seen in his dream, but there was still beauty in his face, Rey realised, even without that full smile. All thoughts of combing through the First Order's computer systems were completely forgotten as she sat there watching him speculatively.

Suddenly, with a sharp snap that she didn't expect, she was back on Ajan Kloss. She jerked in surprise at the rapid change, and knocked the back of her head against the damp rock behind her, cursing colourfully. The shock of the fast switch in locations left her feeling disoriented and slightly nauseous. She made herself breathe steadily and deliberately, as she did when she was meditating, and allowed herself to gradually take in the sound of the rain, the earthy scent of the forest, the moisture in the air beading on her lips and the coldness of the rock at her back. Her eyes drifted over the Resistance base, people moving about hefting equipment, busy with the days work. A few metres away, BB8 rolled past on some no doubt important business. He turned his head and beeped a “Hello” at her as he passed and Rey raised her hand in greeting. Carefully, she stood on legs which were still slightly unsteady, but which were getting stronger by the moment.

Rey schooled her thoughts into some sort of order. She needed to do two things. First, she needed steel herself to talk to Leia, to admit to her at last about the bond she shared with her son and what the risk of them manifesting into each others spaces might mean for the Resistance. She sighed, realising again that, unless Leia could think of another solution, she would need to leave the base altogether. Maybe not forever, but at least until she got a closer grasp on how the bond was manifesting itself and what that meant. She thought back over everything that had happened. _I'm happy right now_ , he had said, and the light in him and around them at that moment had pushed back against the darkness, kept it at bay. That tenacious little ember of light was still within him, burning away at his very core, ever present and ready to be fanned into a flame. She was extremely wary of giving Leia any false hope about what this might mean, for him, for them, but she didn't feel nearly as despondent and hopeless as she did before the Force connected them, so that was something.

Secondly, she needed to fix her lightsaber, and now she knew just the person to help her do that. In fact he was probably the only person left who could help her do that. She pursed her lips and wondered if he could help her with the Jedi texts as well. She would have to take them with her when she left the base, she decided. She rolled the pieces of the broken lightsaber back up back into the pouch and clipped it to her waist again. She'd make sure she kept it on her at all times now, ready for another moment when they connected, whenever that might be.

She reached inside herself again, as she had done countless times over the last few weeks, holding her breath slightly, and then she felt it. The bond was nestled there in the back of her mind, warm and reassuring. A smile played on her lips, and unable to help herself she tugged slightly at it.

*

Light years away, across an expanse of space too vast to contemplate, Ben Solo's eyes flew open.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Crait, Kylo Ren struggles with the pressures of being Supreme Leader. When he sees Rey for the first time since she refused to take the throne with him, he's apprehensive, but the bond bringing them together brings him unexpected comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Kylo Ren's lightsaber clattered to the floor behind him as he staggered forward, bent double and gasping for air. He watched as blood dripped from his chin and made spatters of red against the metallic grey of the floor, making strange patterns. Steadying his breathing, he looked up and then straightened, pulling on the Dark to steady himself. Three of the Knights of Ren stood before him, black implacable figures with their masks betraying nothing of their thoughts, tension in their postures. He waited for a beat, before somersaulting backwards and scooping up his saber as he landed, immediately thumbing the ignition switch. The whine of his broken crystal shattered the air, all heat and crimson light. He tensed for a moment, a snarl on his lips, before lunging towards the knights, slashing, ducking, pivoting, the harsh crack of weapon on weapon filling the air.

*

Bracing his hands on the sink in his 'fresher for a moment, Kylo watched as blood dripped from the cut on his chin, drops dispersing in the water like ink. He blinked hard, fighting against both the sting of sweat in his eyes and the drooping of his eyelids. It had been several days since he had managed a night of decent sleep, and that had only been half a night. He was no stranger to night time horrors; they had haunted him since he was a young child, and were a familiar companion by now. The shape of them had changed as the years went by, but they were always filled with pain, blood and regret. They were worse than ever now though and he didn't think he had ever felt so weary. There was a constant heaviness inside him, urging him to chase a deep oblivion he could never quite manage to catch as he slept.

He reached inside him for the presence of the bond. Still there.

He had awoken 4 nights ago, eyes flying wide open from a dream of lying in the the flower rich meadows of Chandrila. Rey had been at his side in the dream, her hand entwined with his, and he was still unsure if she was just a figment of his own sleeping mind, or if she had actually been sharing his dream in person. Either way, when he had awoken he felt a familiar hum inside of him, and when he probed inwards he realised with some surprise that the bond between them was awake and alive again. He had closed himself off so thoroughly after Crait that he thought the bond dead, severed by a combination of Snoke's death and his own anger. Somehow, though, the presence of that buzzing warmth inside him didn't feel entirely unwelcome. In the days following he had kept brushing against it like it was some type of touchstone.

The temptation to reach out to her through it was compelling, but so too was the deep hurt and disappointment he had been trying to studiously ignore since she had refused him in the throne room of the Supremacy. As soon as his thoughts began to drift that way, the feelings he had tried to box away flared in his chest again, before rising into to lodge themselves in his throat. There was a sharp tightness to them that made him feel like he wanted to scream and run his fist into the mirror in front of him, shattering the glass and feeling the edges of it cutting into his already bruised knuckles. He breathed deeply, trying to gain control. It was doubtful she would welcome contact from him anyway. No doubt his attempts to slaughter Skywalker had taken care of any lingering regard she might have for him.

He picked up a cloth and wiped at the blood dripping from his chin before pressing it to the cut, trying the stem the bleeding. He'd gone in hard at his daily training session today, wanting the stimulation of the fight and needing to immerse himself in the mindlessness of moving how his body knew best. He had wanted to slash and stab away at the rising sense of despair he had felt over the last few weeks, to feel something, anything, other than that. His three knights had given him no quarter, just as he told them not to, and he'd paid for it in bruises, cuts, and a particularly nasty burn on his left shoulder that he needed to see to. Yet even as his body had moved through forms as familiar to him as his own skin, he had felt numb and frustrated, the usual surge of adrenaline and endorphins that came with the thrill of the fight remaining elusive. He had been unusually sloppy as a result.

He had thought once he was Supreme Leader, he would be able to take the reins of the First Order, reshape it into some sort of government to remake thing as he saw fit. He had, perhaps foolishly, seen that as the endpoint of the war they had been fighting. While force would still be required to bring recalcitrant systems into line with their vision, and put local authorities in place who were sympathetic to their cause, at some point they needed to transition from conquering into governing. But everything was so much complicated than he imagined. He had failed to consider that the First Order was built as a war machine, sculpted by Snoke's hand for conquest and destruction only. There was a significant amount of resistance to changing the nature of their mission, to actually taking steps to improve the galaxy and bring peace and balance to it. That idea was totally foreign to them. Hux was a constant frustration, a real problem which he would eventually have to deal with. In many ways Hux was the real figurehead of the military might of the First Order, the officers largely loyal to him, and the Stormtroopers brainwashed into a dumb commitment to the mission as Hux saw it. He had scoffed at Kylo's plans at their one to one meeting this morning.

“What do we care about slaves? If you ban the slave trade, you'll immediately squander the loyalty of most of the cartels in the galaxy.”

Hux had cast his eye over the datapad Kylo provided him with, outlining his latest plans, before tossing it down onto the desk between them.

“And infrastructure,” he spat in disgust. “The main focus of our funds should be focused on a Starkiller 2, and wiping out the pathetic dregs of the Resistance, not on building unnecessary infrastructure on backwater planets that don't bring in any income. It's a waste of money, Ren.”

Kylo ignored the impertinent use of his name rather than his actual title, deciding to let it slide for now. Hux was mono-focused to the point of obsession on building a new superweapon. Kylo had been at best ambivalent about the original Starkiller, and while he understood Hux's compulsion to create another, he saw it as unnecessary. He had no intention of ruling over a pile of asteroids and spacedust, which is probably all that would be left if he let Hux have his way. Second only to that was Hux's intense focus on the Resistance. Kylo had tried to explain, his patience fast fraying, that the Resistance as they were weren't really a threat. There were around forty of them left at most and they didn't have the numbers or the ships to be anything more that a mild nuisance.

When Hux had scoffed and called him “a politicians son” his temper had finally frayed and Hux found himself red faced and choking, as his feet dangled and jerked a few inches from the floor, and that's how the meeting had concluded.

Kylo pressed the cloth harder against his chin. He had thought ruling would bring him everything he wanted, the fulfillment of a legacy and a bright new age to create everything anew. Perhaps, some small measure of happiness, at the very least a sense of accomplishment. But he just felt empty. Empty and tired. Every day brought nothing but complication upon complication, and an increasing sense of despair and isolation. He imagined a future of constant power struggles with Hux unfurling in front of him, days filled with frustration combined with night after night of bad dreams, only catching a scant few hours of sleep if that. He was so very tired, exhausted down to his bones with a deep weariness that seemed to have taken up residence there, and was sending out questing roots into the rest of his body and mind.

He sighed, throwing down the cloth and emptying the water from the sink before stepping out of the 'fresher. Peeling off the black sleeveless top he'd been training in, he surveyed the damage to his body, turning his arm to look at the harsh line of burned flesh on his shoulder.

Without warning there was a sudden tugging in his chest that made him look around sharply, and then a warmth trickling out from a place deep inside him, spreading out and filling his torso, buzzing under his skin. The sounds of the ship faded - the hum of the engines in flight and the footsteps in the corridor outside disappearing into nothingness. He groaned. Given his current state of mind, it was a bad idea for her to appear right now, his temper was already on a knife edge as it was. It would be the first time he had faced her since Crait, since she had closed the Falcon's ramp in his face. He fully expected accusations and recriminations and he didn't know if he had the strength to deal with that without losing hold of his tenuous sense of self control. Despite his reservations though, he still felt a strange sense of excitement and anticipation. Since his decision to leave the pitiful remnants of the Resistance alone for now, along with the dissipation of the bond, he had not expected to ever see her again except perhaps on the field of battle at some far flung point in the future. But once the bond had reactivated a few days ago, he had known it was only a matter of time.

Rey's figure faded into the room at the corner of his eye, close to his doorway, and he turned to face her, their eyes meeting. He had almost forgotten how lovely her eyes were; a hazel that seemed to flash with green whenever she was angry. She was wearing her hair half pulled back, though a few strands had escaped and framed her delicate face, and she was dressed in black, tan and grey. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her eyes widened momentarily as they met his, and then dropped down to his body, taking in the bruises beginning to form across his chest. She turned away from him slightly with a slight blush on her cheeks.

“Really? No shirt again?”

“I'm in my own quarters,” he responded hotly, his voice coming out harsher than he had intended. “You're the one invading my space.”

He stood stiffly looking at her,the tension in the room growing heavy with the silence. He braced himself for harsh words and accusations. Instead she just turned back to him dropping her eyes to his chin, and then briefly to his chest again.

“What happened to you?”

“Not going to ask if I've been off killing your precious Resistance?” He replied snidely, regretting it the moment the words came out of his mouth.

She flinched slightly at that, but didn't look away.

“I know you haven't,” she sighed heavily. “You don't know where we are. And we haven't run any operations.”

He felt something inside him soften as he looked into the hazel green of her regard. The expected anger and accusations hadn't come, and he couldn't sense anything of that sort welling up inside her. The sense of her through the bond was only one of a weariness that mirrored his own and a quiet resignation. Apart from that, she had her mental walls up firmly so he couldn't discern any more of her thoughts. He didn't want to push her and so he refrained from looking any deeper. However she reached right back to him, pushing a little at the edges of his mind, seeking entrance, and he gave her a gentle mental shove to warn her off.

 _That was rude, he commented silently,_ his mind to hers.

She pursed her lips and looked away from him.

“Training,” he answered her earlier question . “That's how I got this,” he pointed at his face, chest and shoulder. “And this. And this.”

She raised her eyebrows at him, before looking around the room, her eyes searching for something.

“Beautiful colour scheme. I love what you've done with the place. Black and more black. With grey. I mean, it's a bit dour but....” she trailed back off and looked back at him expectantly as if waiting for something. He prickled at her sarcasm, until suddenly it clicked in his mind, and his heart thudded.

“Hang on...you can see my surroundings?”

She nodded slowly at him, before wandering over to his shelf, picking up his med-pack and hefting it in her hands then walking back over to stand in front of him looking at it meaningfully.

“Kriff...you can interact with things?!” He looked around him wildly. “Why can't I see where you are?” he demanded, his voice petulant. Rey smirked at his tone.

“No idea. I don't know how this force-bond thing works, you're the one who's had formal training. I thought you might know something about it.”

He shook his head, mind racing. “No.”

He backed up and then sat down on a chair heavily, looking up at her and pondering what this new development might mean for them. He checked inside himself. The bond was solid and secure and somehow brighter than he had felt it before. _I think the bond might be stronger than it was before,_ he suggested silently.

 _I feel it too._ The impression of her voice through the bond was soft, as she echoed back at him words he had once spoken to her in what felt like another lifetime ago.

There were dusky bags under her eyes, he noticed. Maybe she was sleeping as badly as he was. He considered for a moment mentioning his dream other night, checking whether she had really been there with him under the azure skies of Chandrila, but decided against it. She hadn't mentioned it so far, and he was likely to only embarrass himself by revealing that he'd dreamed of her. Looking her over he noticed the gauntness of her cheeks, her cheekbones sculpting her face more sharply than he had seen them before. That told him that the Resistance must be on rations, wherever their new base was. Either that or she wasn't eating properly

He reached out with his mind, softly, gently, to skim the surface of her thoughts. Her eyes widened slightly, and he felt her bracing at her walls. He waited, not pushing or pressing at her, just silently asking for admission, not really expecting her to respond. However she suddenly changed tack, instead dropping the walls and opening herself up for him to see, offering up her thoughts and feelings.

Tiredness. Like him there was a heavy blanket of exhaustion overlaying everything. She had been sleeping as badly as he had, either haunted by nightmares or spending long nights twisting and turning in the dark, desperately chasing sleep. The Resistance was definitely on short rations, as there was hunger there too, but that feeling was like an old companion to her, and she dismissed it easily. There was a wariness – of him of course. Part of her skittered like a nervous colt at his presence, waiting and braced for him to blow up, for him to disappoint her again. However underlying that was a profound sense of relief at seeing him again. He almost pulled away in surprise, but stopped himself and continued onwards into her mind. Like him, she had thought the bond was severed. Yet, somehow, miraculously, she was happy that it wasn't. The last thing she offered up to him very deliberately and with intent, a thought and a feeling unfurling like a flower. He pulled away from her mind, as if burned, but the feeling continued to flow towards him through the bond. Compassion . An understanding for the battle he fought within himself daily, and had fought for his entire life. Sympathy for the all the painful and brittle pieces he carried within. He shrunk away from her compassion at first, but, oh how it warmed him. He felt like a freezing man, thawing himself at a roaring hearth. Lastly, she shoved an image at him through the bond - and he could sense her reluctance in sharing this with him – a meadow filled with flowers, warm sun beating down and the press of their palms together. Peace.

“It _was_ you.” His voice came out broken, disbelieving. “You were there with me in my dream.”

She nodded, then looked away almost guiltily. “I saw your nightmares too,” she admitted finally.

A complex mixture of feelings swirled inside him, and he swallowed down against them. He felt shamed at her seeing his deepest and most vulnerable part, the battle he fought nightly with the very worst and most broken bits of himself. There was still a bitter anger and regret at her refusing to rule alongside him, and as ever, the darkness inside him raged against her overwhelming light. But it was just so good to see her; her presence felt like a comfort and a balm, her goodness and light radiating out of her and calming the difficult feelings. Part of him clung to the comfort she provided. He was also amazed that, after everything, she could feel anything but hatred towards him. Somehow that felt the worst of all - that after everything he had done, she still felt compassion for him.

“How?” He croaked, past the pain clamouring in his throat “Why? After the throne room, after Crait....why? You should hate me.”

She took a step forward towards his seat, slowly, warily, as if she was approaching a wild animal. In many ways, he supposed he was.

“I know there's light in you, Ben. I've seen it. I've seen the nightmares that haunt you.”

“Don't call me that,” he retorted. But there was no energy behind the denial of his old name, and his tone was dull and tired, more of an automatic reaction. He felt her mentally roll her eyes at his response.

She sighed, a slight puff of air escaping her lips, and tilted her head down as though studying him. She reached out to him tentatively pushing again at his mind again, asking for the same openness and honesty she had given him just moments ago. His automatic reaction was to slam his walls up, but she was there pressed against his consciousness, warm and insistent, and shining oh so brightly. Warily he let his walls drop.

Her brightness filled his mind and the darkness in him reacted instantly, telling him to strike out, to lash, to hurt, to do all in his power to annihilate this pulsing source of light and goodness. But somehow she didn't flinch at it, and so he let the tide of darkness roll over him like a wave and recede until he was left with only her light and warmth spilling like oil on water over the surface of his mind. Then there was only calm, his muscles unknotting and an easing of the tightness all through his body. The darkness still roiled underneath, ever present, but basking in Rey's light he could all but ignore it.

“You're so tired,” she whispered “You aren't sleeping. You're barely eating. Nothing is what you thought it would be. You're running on nothing but anger and darkness. You can't live like that. Nobody can.”

He grunted. _I have to, I have no choice,_ he told her silently. He had lived on his anger and darkness for years, hours and days piling up against each other, until he couldn't remember what it was like to feel any other way. It was second nature... it was _his_ nature. Somehow though, here next to her, basking in the glow of her light and belief, he could almost begin to believe there was more to him than that.

She sighed, throwing back at him _There's always a choice, Ben_ , then withdrew from his mind, the connection fading into only a soft strumming thread between them. She shook her head slightly as if clearing her mind, before saying pointedly “We need to take care of your injuries.”

“I'll take care of it myself,” he replied, holding his hands out for the med-pack.

She shook her head “Let me.” She turned, placing the med-pack on the table next to his chair, before spinning it round to face her, opening it and beginning to rummage through it and laying out items on the table. She pulled up another chair, in front of his seat so that they sat facing each other, knees almost touching.

She turned first to the burn on his shoulder, wiping it down with a disinfectant which burned sharply, making him hiss and then clench his teeth.

_Sorry._

__

__

_It's fine._

He relaxed into letting her work. She applied a bacta patch over the wound on his shoulder before moving onto his chest next, leaning down so close that a stand of her hair tickled at his nose, and so he could smell the sweet fresh scent of her. She smelled of engine oil and rain, damp earth and something indefinable, a scent that he decided was was uniquely Rey . With her fingertips, she began to spread a thin coat of bacta ointment over the small wounds and bruises on his chest, a line furrowing her brow as she concentrated. Where her fingers traced across him, the bond sparked between them, flaring brighter with every swipe of her fingers. Her touch was both gentle, (and he was kriffed if he knew what he had ever done to deserve such gentleness from her,) and it was overwhelming. As a rule, he avoided physical contact as much as possible, shying away from it almost instinctively, studiously avoiding the slight touches that were a natural part of human interactions. It was not a part of his life, not a part of his make-up to touch or be touched so gently. So having even just this slightest press of her fingers running over him burned his skin with such an intensity that he shuddered involuntarily. He felt her instinctive sympathy as his thoughts drifted through the bond. She herself had lived for many years without the comfort of human touch, until she found friends and a place to belong. Now her days were filled with camaraderie and the soft and easy physical contact of close friendships. These fleeting impressions from her mind made him frown.

“It's ok,” she murmured, “I'm nearly done.”

 _No,_ he wanted to tell her, _please don't stop._ But instead he just nodded his head, though a quick glance she shot up at him made him wonder if she had heard him.

She straightened up and gave his chest appraising look. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I'm just checking I haven't missed any!” She was blushing though, and he allowed a slight smile to tug at the corner of his mouth, which made her blush an even deeper shade of red.

 _Stop it,_ she told him.

 _Stop what?_ he retorted, tone full off all the innocence he could muster (which was, admittedly, not very much, given who he was.)

 _You know what,_ she sent at him, reproachfully. He tried to look suitably shamed.

“Just the chin now,” she told him. He had forgotten all about that annoying cut on his lower left chin, the dull throb of it fading to nothingness in Rey's presence.

She swiped a small fingerful of bacta ointment from the tub before bending forwards again. One of her hands came to cradle the side of his face, holding him still. He could feel the callouses over her palms and fingers, legacy of a long lifetime of hard work, and he tried to stop himself from leaning into her hand, form rubbing his cheek against her palm. Her face was so close to his that he could feel her breath on his face. And with that proximity, something was growing and burning between them, a harmonious thrum of the Force in balance which seemed to be surrounding them along with the bright togetherness of the bond. It made for an intense and heady mix, which felt so unbelievably right to him.

She could feel it too. He could tell from the slight tremor in her fingers as she pressed them to his chin and dragged a swipe of bacta over the cut there, and from the way that her breath came faster and she refused to meet his eye. His chin stung for a moment after the ointment was applied, but the sting was somehow sweet, mellowed by her fingers which still lingered there.

 _How long?_ she asked silently, still cradling his face, yet still not meeting his eyes. _How long since somebody has touched you like this?_

He cast his mind back through his memories, pulling her with him, unable for a moment to place where he had cut himself off from all casual or otherwise physical contact. Eventually a memory surfaced. He was young, around 9 years old. One balmy night in the villa on Corellia a particularly bad nightmare had ripped its way through his sleep. Nightmares were no stranger to him, even then and often he woke up choking, gasping for air, his parents non the wiser. This time though, he had woken up screaming over and over, every unsecured item in his room hovering several inches above the surface it had been resting on. Leia had run to his room, and as she had rushed to the side of the bed to hold him, he had come fully to his senses and objects had clattered and crashed back down. She had cradled him in her arms as he trembled and sobbed, consumed by a darkness that he could not fully understand, and one of his mother's hands had rubbed soothingly over his back, while the other stroked his head. His father had stood in the doorway watching them, running his hand through his hair, as he surveyed his son and the room. After that, before he drifted into a more peaceful sleep, he had heard the unmistakable sound of his parents arguing. Only days after that he had been sent away to train with Luke at the Jedi Temple. He had refused to hug his parents goodbye, too furious at what he saw as their rejection of him, and consumed by a painful sense of betrayal. A part of him had closed off forever at that moment. Then, there had been years at the Temple, avoiding close contact with his fellow students, pushing away the tentative attempts by a couple of the female students to reach out to him. And then eventually had come the Knights of Ren and then the First Order, a life which was not exactly conducive towards physical affection.

 _That was the last time,_ he told her. She finally looked into his eyes, responding with a feeling of profound sadness and sympathy that resonated through the bond. _I don't want your pity Rey,_ he said as he started to pull away from her hands. But she just gripped him more firmly, spanning both her hands across his cheeks until he stilled.

 _Oh Ben,_ she sighed inside his mind, and he could feel her mentally shake her head. She ran her palms up his cheeks, her rough and calloused skin harsh against his face, but still the most amazing thing he had ever felt. Part of him, a part that was fading fast, wanted to stiffen at her touch, while a stronger part of him just wanted to let go and meld into her.

 _Let go,_ she demanded, and he did. His eyes fell closed and he softened and melted into her touch as she ran her hands up into his hair, fingers stroking over his scalp. His every nerve felt inflamed and overloaded, so long starved of any but his own touch. The feel of her fingertips massaging his scalp was so sweet it was almost painful and inexplicably he felt tears begin to prickle under his eyelids. His heart felt full and heavy as her fingers whispered down the back of his head, before pressing into the sensitive skin at the back of his neck. He let out a sound which sounded embarrassingly like a whimper, before opening his his eyes. There was just a couple of inches between their faces now and he studied her eyes and her mind, trying to divine her intent, coming back again to that overwhelming sense of her compassion for him. He silently asked for permission - and she nodded fractionally – before bringing his hands up to cradle her small face. She felt deceptively delicate in his large hands as he traced the lines of her cheekbones and her jaw, but he knew that she wasn't. She was fire and anger and fury, fierce and wild, he had seen all that, and oh how he craved to see it again.

Her skin flushed and warmed slightly under his hands as she caught the flow of his thoughts. One of his hands drifted to her mouth, his thumb rubbing over her lips. And then the Force shifted and they were on the edge of something both momentous and terrifying, both of them breathing faster as they watched each other. He saw her pupils dilate, and he felt them both make the decision at the same time, as they closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. It was a chaste kiss at first, a soft press of her chapped lips against his, before she pulled back looking slightly panicked, her eyes flicking back and forth between his frantically, searching for something. His heart thudded, but it felt so right that he threw caution to the wind and pressed his lips back against hers firmly, and felt her assent as she opened the seam of her lips to him. As their bodies melded, so too did their minds, until he struggled to find the edges of where he ended and where Rey began.

The kiss was clumsy and untutored, but somehow all the sweeter for it, and as their tongues slid experimentally against each other, he shivered, and he knew right then that this girl would be the death of him. That he would in fact go gladly to his death if she _just kept kissing him_ .

He felt her lips curve against his in a smile, and he cursed the bond between them ruefully, for carrying his thoughts to her.

 _I don't know, having kisses worth of dying for rather appeals to me,_ she shot at him

 _Shut up,_ he told her, hands sliding to the back of her head and pulling her in deeper. It was the deepest peace he had felt in weeks, the happiest he had felt since he could remember, and he shared that thought with her. The kiss became more passionate and messy and he felt the heat of desire rising in him, blazing higher with every movement of her mouth against his. He tried to keep it a secret from her, to box that desire away inside himself, his years of Jedi training in repression of the baser instincts coming in handy. That was until he felt the heat pooling inside her belly, and realised she shared his passion. Then he shared his own feeling of desire with her without any fear, moaning into her mouth. She gasped and clutched at him, her fingers fisting in his hair.

The sharp beep of his comm sounded harshly into the air, surprising them both, and they jumped apart looking guiltily at each other, both of them breathless. They gazed at each other for a moment, before the beeping became piercing and insistent. He jumped up, reaching for the comm on his shelf and glancing briefly at the display. Hux. He grimaced and declined the call. Hux could wait

He turned and looked at her, running his hands through his hair in a way that he knew mirrored his fathers body language. He stopped himself and forced his hands to hang awkwardly at his sides, not knowing quite where to put them. She was watching him, her cheeks flushed and her lips reddened and kiss-stung.

 _Well,_ he sent through the bond.

 _Well_.... she agreed.

The moment stretched between them, and as they watched each other, the air became heavy with words that were unsaid and with the weight of two vastly different pathways into the future crashing together, like two giant galaxies in the process of merging, their stars colliding in scorching flashes of light.

They both felt it at the same time, and Kylo cursed in frustration. The bond between them began to waver, to fade and become less tangible, a warning to them both that they had only minutes left.

He watched as Rey jumped up off her seat, her hands going to a leather pouch she kept clipped to her waist. “Kriff. I was going to ask you about mending this saber,” she rushed out, “And I need help with some Jedi texts.”

“Next time. Anything you want,” he reassured her.

A thought suddenly occurred to him and her eyes widened as Kylo suddenly jumped into action. He ran to his drawers and opened the top one, grabbing a large handful of nutrition bars, before striding back to her and shoving them into her hands. Her hands were tiny compared to his and several fell to the floor. He scooped them up unceremoniously before trying to shove them into her belt. She was looking at him like he had lost his mind.

“For you,” he explained rapidly, still wedging the nutrition bars wherever he could. “You're on rations. I want you to eat enough.”

Her eyes softened then, and she smiled at him, a smile so soft and gentle and full of wonder that he couldn't help but press his mouth against hers one more time. The kiss lasted less than a second before she winked out of existence, leaving nothing but the cold sterile air of the room against his lips. The room immediately felt colder in the absence of her light.

The communicator began beeping again almost immediately. Hux again. He thumbed the on switch, barking “What?”

“Supreme Leader,” Hux's voice was oily and Kylo could hear the slight tone of disdain that coloured it. “I have an urgent issue I wish to discuss with you.”

“My office. 10 minutes,” Kylo replied wearily, cutting the communicator of even as Hux began to speak again.

He sighed. Back to normality then. No doubt there was some fresh battle to fight with Hux, another argument that would try his temper to its limits. Back to loneliness and the constant frustrations of leadership. Back to dealing with the unwieldy war machine of the First Order, trying to mold it into something it wasn't, something it could probably never be. Everything seemed the same, as if she had never been there. Nothing had really changed.

Yet her scent was still in the air, a footprint she had left behind – the scent of engine oil and fresh rain, of the damp earth and Rey . His lips still burned from her kiss and his scalp still tingled from the memory of her running her fingers over it. She had been here, with him. She had tended his wounds and touched him in a way nobody had done for years. She had pressed her lips to his and given herself willingly to him, just as he had to her. She had _cared._ He could scarcely believe it, but for the bond which was now thrumming inside him so much stronger than before, and the sense of closeness and connection that vibrated through it

In fact, _everything_ had changed.

He touched the bacta patch on his shoulder and smiled, before donning his tunic and cape, and walking from the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bond between Rey and Ben is growing stronger, and changing in nature since Crait. The last two times, the Force brought them together Rey was able to fully see his surroundings and interact with them. They had shared a kiss, though what that meant, neither of them knew. Now, as Rey readies herself to leave the Resistance base, the bond pulls her once again into his world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Rey's leg jiggled as she sat on the edge of the bed in her sparse quarters at the Resistance base. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes distant as she pondered hard on the physics of the bond she shared with Ben Solo. They could both pass items back and forth across untold light-years, in fact she was currently munching on a nutrition bar that had made an interstellar trip across the galaxy. He had pressed a whole bunch of them on her last time she had seen him, three days ago, worried about the adequacy of the Resistance rations and her hollow cheeks. She smiled at the memory as she looked down thoughtfully at the empty wrapper. The physics of how this little nutrition bar had made its way halfway across the galaxy boggled her mind, and gave her a headache when she thought too hard about it. Eventually she gave up trying to work out how it was even possible and shrugged it off as a Force thing. Kriff knew, the Force worked in myriad mysterious ways and presumably this was one of them.

Rey sighed and pulled out her backpack, beginning to sort through and pack up which of her meagre belongings she would take with her when she left. It was time to leave Ajan Kloss... for now at least. The sharp sting of leaving her friends behind and the prospect of a period of isolation – possible a long one – was not appealing. She had thought the aching loneliness which had marked her life for so long was nothing but a fast fading memory, but the new developments with the bond put the Resistance at an unacceptable risk. It was surely it was only a matter of time until the bond brought Ben into her world, and she absolutely could not be on the base when that happened. So now it was a solo mission out into the Galaxy, with only the Falcon and its resident porgs for company, until she could work out how to gain some measure of control over her and Ben's connection.

She was loathe to leave behind the sense of comfort and belonging she had found with the Resistance, and she harboured a deep fear of becoming that person again, that dusty, hungry girl who had waited for so long amidst the dry dunes of Jakku. But as she threw clothes haphazardly into her bag, she reminded herself that she wouldn't be truly alone this time. In a corner of her mind the bond fizzed and thrummed, its presence solid, reassuring and constantly there, a beacon that never went out. She reached out through it gently, extending just a small tendril of her consciousness through the flow of the Force, and felt in return him reach back in acknowledgement. Their minds spanned star systems, flew through space dust, nebulae and pulsars, crossing the inky blankness of deep space to connect across the vast distance with a brief ghost of a touch that said _I'm here. You are not alone._

*

Rey had already procrastinated long and hard, before finally gearing herself up to speaking to the General about the bond. The thought of telling Leia about the clumsy yet passionate kiss she had shared with Ben during their last bond encounter made her squirm. She had been in a tizzy about that over the last three days, her mind a whirlwind of confusing thoughts and feelings. She vacillated between flogging herself with guilt, and being unable to forget the way he had been so responsive as she carded her fingers through his soft hair, and the feel of the hot slide of his lips against hers. She was so preoccupied that her friends had noticed. She had waved them away, claiming it was “Force stuff,” which was, she supposed, technically true.

Even BB8 had noticed, rolling from side to side anxiously, when for the fourth time Rey had failed to respond to his question as she worked on a damaged X-Wing.

 _What's wrong? You're not functioning correctly!_ the little astromech had eventually loudly beeped at her in binary. Rey had jumped and turned, before bending to the little droid and adjusting his antenna fondly

“I'm sorry, BB, I just... I have things on my mind.”

 _For three days now. Always distracted._ BB8 told her primly. _Is it a secret?_ He asked the question hopefully, a slight tone of entreaty in the final whistle.

Rey had laughed ruefully to herself. BB8 was brilliant when it came to classified matters to do with the Resistance, but he was also a endearingly nosy droid with a penchant for gossip. She knew for a fact that he often listened in to and recorded conversations, of which any scandalous content was immediately passed on to Poe. No, this droid was the last being she would confide in about a kiss with the Supreme Leader.

“No, BB8, just silly human things on my mind. Nothing exciting to tell you I'm afraid. Now, what were you asking me before that?”

The droid had made a sad noise, drooping his head slightly, but Rey wasn't taken in by it for a second, and they had continued on with their work.

Chewie was another matter though. If Rey didn't know better, she would have sworn that he had the Force, and was able to divine her thoughts. He had looked at her strangely the last time she had encountered him after seeing Ben. Over the last three days whenever she snapped out of a reverie of deep thought, she would find the Wookie looking at her all too knowingly for her liking. She had usually ending up turning away blushing, which she was sure had done nothing to help with whatever suspicions he harboured.

Eventually though, she had worked herself up to speaking to Leia, and went to see her in her office. The conversation was both easier and more difficult than she thought it would be. She had told Leia everything, laying it all out from the first time her and Ben had appeared to each other on Ahch-To, to the events in the throne room on the Supremacy, finishing with their most recent encounter. She had nervously fumbled over her words, as she edited out the kiss they had shared, while Leia leaned forward in her chair eyeing her sharply. She relayed to the General her concerns that the Resistance would be exposed if the bond brought Ben to her. Finally she had come to a stuttering halt, looking at the floor nervously as the kiss annoyingly replayed itself in the front of her mind, hyper-conscious that Leia possessed Force abilities.

“Rey,” the General had said softly, looking at Rey knowingly. “I understand that there may be things that you don't want to tell me yet. But...how is he?”

And in that moment, Rey had looked into Leia's deep brown eyes – so similar to Ben's - and had seen, really seen her. Not just as the leader of the Resistance, strong and courageous, always with a plan; but also as a mother carrying the burden of years of pain and longing, mourning the son lost to her for so long, and so so far away from home.

“He's tired,” Rey had responded carefully, knowing that what Leia needed the most was honesty from her. “He's not sleeping well. He's training too hard. Being Supreme Leader, it doesn't make him happy in the way he thought it would.” Hope had flared in Leia's eyes at that.

“Nothing is certain,” Rey had said quickly. “But I get the impression it's not quite working out the way he imagined.”

Impulsively she had reached forward and took Leia's age-worn hands in her own. “There's still Light in him General. I can feel it.” She had felt some of the tension leave Leia's body and sensed her relief as almost a tangible thing in the air. Then a sudden realisation had occurred to her. “Actually, he hasn't even tried to get our location out of me so far,” she said in surprise.

“All is not lost then,” Leia had mused, squeezing Rey's hands before releasing them. “I at least have more hope now than before you walked in here. That's a precious gift that you've given me Rey. Thank you.”

Gratitude shone from the older woman's eyes, and if there was a slight sheen of wetness there too, Rey pretended not to notice.

“I do wish you had told me all this sooner,” Leia had added briskly. “But that can't be helped now. You are right though, Rey. You will need to go away for a time until you can master this bond. I don't even know if it can be done, or how,” Leia had passed a hand over her eyes, looking suddenly weary. “I wish Luke were here. He would have known more about these matters than I do.”

So she and the General had sat and planned into the evening. It was decided that she would take the Falcon and return to Ahch-To where she could both study the Force, and by extension try and master some measure of control over the bond. Her friends and the rest of the Resistance would be told that the last Jedi had gone away to complete some Force training that required solitude. Then, once she was sure the base couldn't be compromised, Rey would return.

*

Rey's belongings were packed, and she hefted the backpack onto her shoulders. It was at that moment that she felt the bond activate properly again. There was a sudden quiet as all sound was sucked from the room, and a tingling vibration began working its way through her bones. She panicked immediately, flailing about, cursing and muttering “No, no no no no...” She was _so_ close to being gone. Another hour at most and she would be watching the starlines streak by from the Falcon cockpit. She could only hope and pray that this time the Force wouldn't bring him to her.

It only took her a moment to check that the broken lightsaber was safely in the pouch at her waist, and to grab for the Jedi Text that was closest to her. Her surroundings shimmered, wavered and began to change and the sounds of the jungle fell away. Her panic receded as she realised she was once again being taken to him and she let out a gusty sigh of relief. However when the room resolved around her into the onyx of Ben's quarters, she let out a little squeak and her anxiety returned. The air was steamy and humid and there was the distinct sound of water spattering against tile. In front of her was a frosted door with the large form of Ben Solo behind it, his naked body a blurry pink behind the glass. Not for the first time, she wondered whether the Force had some sense of humour.

He peered over the top of the frosted door, wet hair plastered to his face, and droplets running down his skin. His eyes danced playfully and she felt her cheeks warm. “Well hello,” he greeted her in his deep and resonant voice.

“Ummm. Um. Er,” Rey replied eloquently, shifting from foot to foot. She gestured at the door. “I'll go and wait out there.”

“As you wish.” His tone was amused and Rey felt herself blush again, so she turned quickly and marched out of the door and into the living area of his quarters, taking a seat on one of the hard edged chairs. This guy really needed some cushions, she decided. Surely he wasn't actually comfortable sitting on these seats?

Moments later, the 'fresher door opened and Ben Solo walked out of it wearing only a black towel around his waist, rubbing his hair dry with another.

“Actually, I rarely have chance to sit on those chairs,” he informed her.

She tried not to look at him, gazing instead at the panelled floor. “I swear, every time the Force brings us together, you aren't wearing a kriffing shirt,” she complained, and Ben snorted in response. “Seriously though, does the Force actually have a sense of humor?”

“If it does, it's a very dark one at times,” Ben replied as he walked by and disappeared into his sleeping area. She head the noise of cupboard doors opening and closing, and shortly he walked back into the main room clad in black pants, clutching a black top, but still bare chested.

“For kriff's sake, put it away,” she told him stridently, trying not to notice the way his hard muscle moved under his skin when he stretched his arms up and pulled the top over his head.

“Better?” His tone was sardonic as he wriggled his arms into the long black sleeves. “Am I really so awful to look at? A man could get offended, you know.”

“No! It's not that, it's just...” Rey trailed off, seeing the slight curl of his lips. “You're teasing me,” she said reproachfully.

Thankfully he decided not to poke at her any further, and instead gestured at the book that she gripped in her lap. “Is that one of the Jedi Texts?”

Rey grasped at the change of subject. “Ah, yes. I grabbed the first one I could when I felt the bond bringing us together.” She looked down at it. The ancient pages were slightly wrinkled from the moist air of the 'fresher.

“Good,” he nodded. “And your saber?”

She patted the leather pouch at her waist. “Yes, I've got it.”

“Also good,” he beckoned to her. “Come. I've got something ready for you.”

She followed him curiously as he walked to the desk in the corner of his room. She had been worried that the atmosphere would be awkward after their kiss, but instead she found that there was a sense of easy peace between them. She wasn't' sure if it was the way the bond filled her with a relaxing golden warmth that made her feel calm, or if it was that the current of the Force felt so _right_ when they were together. She had ruminated endlessly about what that kiss had meant in the three days since it happened, and she had been terrified that he would want to talk about it the next time they met, but it appeared he had no intention of that. Instead he was gesturing at her to sit down in front of a desk filled with tools and bits of metal. Realisation dawned on her.

“You got this ready for me, for when I came back, so you could teach me how to fix the saber,”” she said, wide eyed. It was a statement, not a question, and her voice was filled with wonder. He had thought of her while she was gone, had assembled these tools and equipment for the sole purpose of helping her fulfil a dearly held desire – that she fix the damaged saber. His thoughtfulness floored her, and she gaped at him in surprise.

His cheeks coloured slightly. “Well, you did say you wanted to learn how to fix it,” he mumbled.

She sat down immediately. “Yes. Yes I do.” She looked up at him, at his warm brown eyes and felt suddenly shy. “Thank you Ben.”

He made a dismissive gesture with his hand, “It's nothing.” He gestured at the pouch on her waist meaningfully as he seated himself next to her. Rey pulled herself away from his intense gaze and unclipped the pouch, rolling it open across the table, spreading out the jagged pieces of the ruined lightsaber before them.

He picked up the damaged casing. “The first and most important thing about the saber is the crystal. If the crystal is ruined, then we are going to have problems.”

“Can't we just get another?”

He nodded slowly, “I can get one for you, but it may take some time. But...ah! The crystal is fine”

She watched as he turned the deep azure crystal almost wistfully in his fingers before reluctantly handing it to her. She ran her fingers over its smooth surfaces and the feel of it in her hand made her fingers tingle, almost as if it was vibrating. She gasped in surprise, nearly dropping the crystal as it grew warm and then pulsed in her grasp. Ben was watching her with something like envy.

“It speaks to you, doesn't it? My grandfathers crystal?”

She nodded, “Yes it does.” Then suddenly she blurted out, “I'm sorry.”

He looked at her sharply, then shook his head. “There's nothing to be sorry for. If the crystal speaks to you, it speaks to you. Did you know that kyber crystals are Force aware? They're some way toward being sentient.”

She nodded dreamily as she rolled the crystal back and forth in her palm, feeling the vibration entering the skin and muscle, working its way down into her bones. “It feels like it. Like it's saying something I'm just on the edge of understanding.”

“Can I see?” he asked quietly. His eyes were sad and wanting. Rey could feel him aching to take the crystal, to hold and possess it for himself, could feel the way he held himself back, merely watching her.

“Of course,” she answered quickly.

She felt his mind reach out to her, tentatively seeking entrance. Her sense of him in the Force was so distinct from herself, his shape all darkness shot through with threads of blinding light; his edges jagged, the broken pieces of himself making him seem fractured. Yet as she welcomed him in, his mind moulded so perfectly into hers that it felt as if he belonged there. Like there had always been a Ben shaped hole inside her, just waiting for him to pour himself into it.

She shared with him the sensation of the crystal thrumming in her palm, the way it felt as if its energy sank down into her body, the bones of her hand ringing like tuning forks. And she shared with him too the sound of something like singing – not heard with the ears, but instead resonating in the mind, a tune that felt both familiar and powerful. Both of them were just on the edge of being able to understand the words of that song, but its meaning was elusive, slipping away from them. It was like a foreign language they could not parse, and it eventually faded away into the distance.

He slipped out of her mind, offering her a small smile in return, the corners of his lips curling up as she extracted her mind from the spell of the crystal. Reluctantly she released her grasp, setting it back down on the table in front of them and they fell into an easy silence, both of them lost in their thoughts.

Eventually, Ben cleared his throat and began to pick up items from the table. One by one he explained all the components necessary to make a lightsaber, how to fit them together and how they functioned. His voice took on a teacherly tone she had never heard from him before. She noticed that he looked up at her frequently to check that she was following what he was saying, and that he answered her many questions with great patience in his low voice. They were sat close together, side by side with barely a couple of inches between them, and Rey could feel the body heat coming off him. She tried not to notice his scent, slightly smoky like sandalwood, but every time he looked up at her to check for understanding and his eyes met hers, she felt a warm spark inside, and it made her swallow and shift in her seat.

Rey grasped the purpose of the different items and the method of construction quickly, talented as she was with myriad types of machinery and electronics. When his voice finally trailed off, she began to reach for the pieces, but he stopped her with a hand on hers, wrapping his long fingers around her.

“There are two ways to do this. You can just do it with your hands right now, or you can meditate on it and then do it with the Force.” He looked at the table and lifted the power cell and the casing with the Force, turning them slowly in the air. “It depends on the user, on what you'd prefer.”

Their hands had sunk down to rest on the tabletop, but he hadn't let go of her. Their skin pressed together and the bond vibrated between them as her small hand remained enfolded in his much larger, warmer one. It was incredibly distracting, Rey thought, but she forced herself to concentrate and consider how she may want to rebuild her saber.

“I think I'd like to meditate and do it with the Force,” she replied slowly. “That feels right.”

He nodded, “Then take the pieces back with you when you leave. Now you know what to do, you can do it whenever you feel the time is right.”

She felt a flush of gratitude towards him, and turned her hand, entwining her fingers with his and giving them a slight squeeze. “Thank you Ben.” When he waved his other hand as if to say it wasn't a problem, she turned in her chair and leaned into him, looking at him earnestly. “Seriously, you didn't have to do this. I'm grateful.”

“Well, it was kind of my fault it got broken in the first place,” he muttered, self consciously.

She decided not to dwell on that, it would surely only lead to a difficult conversation, and right now she was enjoying the easy peace between them both. “You're a really good teacher,” she told him seriously.

His eyes took on a faraway look, and his thumb stroked gentle circles over the back of her hand as he thought. “I used to help teach the Padawans back at Luke's Jedi Temple,” he told her. “It's been a very long time though.”

Rey wanted to ask him about his time at the temple, about what his life there was like before it all unravelled horribly, to know what it was like for him training to be a Jedi. She wanted to know what it was like to walk that path with others beside you who shared the same goal. She wished that she had known him back then. In another life, in another time, maybe he and Luke would have discovered her as a Force sensitive child on Jakku and taken her back to the temple. Perhaps she and Ben would have grown up together, training alongside each other in the ways of the Force. They could have been close friends, confidantes even. In another life maybe she could have been the thing that stopped him turning to the dark side. She would like to believe that would have been the case, had she been there, a steadying presence which would have pulled him back from the brink of chaos. She found that she ached with longing for that life never lived.

She wondered what he was like back then, as a teenager and a young man. He had been troubled, she knew that much. She tried to picture a younger and fresher faced Ben, a characteristically moody look on his face, lightsaber in hand and wearing the cream and tan robes of the Jedi.

He snorted with laughter suddenly. _I prefer black, though you've got the facial expression right,_ he sent at her through the bond. She flushed, prickling at him invading her thoughts, worried that he had glimpsed her daydream of them growing up together. She extracted her hand from his, and he looked disappointed. _You were broadcasting_ he told her. _It was kind of hard not to see your thoughts. And it was a good daydream. I think I would have liked that very much._

Her stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly, and she curled in on herself in embarrassment. He looked at her sharply. “You're hungry. Of course you are, you're on rations.” He shook his head at himself reproachfully.

“It's fine,” she told him. And it was. Hunger was something that had threaded its way through so much of her early life that the bite of it in the pit of her stomach was something familiar to her. And much as she didn't like the way it reminded her of the loneliness of her old life, it was something that was easy for her to dismiss. Hunger was just a part of life.

“It is not 'fine'. Let me order you something to eat,” he told her, rising from his seat.

She grabbed his arm, “No, it's ok, honestly.” He had already done enough for her today, selflessly showing her how to mend his grandfather's saber with the kyber crystal that she knew he coveted and longed to own. She felt overwhelmed by his kindness and patience with her, confused by this tender side of a man who once she had thought of as an enemy. But she was incredibly hungry.

He looked down at her and raised an eyebrow, extracting his arm from her grip. “I am ordering you something to eat,” he told her firmly. “Any preference?”

She sighed, giving in to the inevitable. “Anything is good.”

He nodded, walking to pick up a data-pad and quickly typing something into it. “I'll order a few dishes. You can see what you like best.”

“Well, we just have to hope I don't disappear before it comes, otherwise you'll have to eat it all.”

He frowned slightly as he continued typing into the pad. “I'll tell them it needs to be here ASAP. And it will be. Being Supreme Leader does come with its perks, after all.”

Rey imagined cooks frantically hurtling round the kitchen, pots and pans clanging as they raced to get food ready for their Supreme Leader. It shouldn't have been funny, but somehow it was.

She stifled a giggle, rising from her chair and stretching her limbs out. She noticed the way his eyes raked up and down her body as she stretched. It shouldn't have sent such a hot shock of a thrill through her, but it did. She bit her lip, carefully guarding her mind as she admitted to herself that she wanted him. This strange man who was part violence and rage, and part tenderness and gentleness, this man who sat at the head of an organisation she was diametrically opposed to, she desired him. And for some strange reason that she couldn't fathom, being with him felt like coming home. She shook her head at herself, trying to clear her mind.

He gestured to the Jedi text where she had left it on the table. “Do you want to take a look at this while we wait?”

She nodded with enthusiasm, striding over to pick up the heavy book, glad of the distraction. She looked around, before perching uncomfortably on the edge of one of the pieces of hard furniture, patting at the spot next to her for him to sit down. He sat down a couple of feet away, and she rolled her eyes at him, sliding across and then shuffling closer until their legs were pressed together side by side.

His breathing hitched as she pressed her thigh against his, and she pretended not to notice, instead taking the large text and spreading it open across both their knees. “You really need to get some cushions for these seats, you know.”

He hummed non committally, running his finger down the first page almost reverently, tracing the acrane symbol described in colour ink there, before turning leafing through to where the text proper started.

“Oh!” she exclaimed excitedly. “This is one of the books I especially wanted to show to you. It's very wordy and full of a lot of rather boring philosophising that uses a lot of words and doesn't really say anything useful, but there's this one section.” She carefully flicked a few pages forward until she found the right passage, the ancient paper fragile against her fingers. “Here,” she pointed at a block of text, in beautiful illuminated script. She watched as he ran his fingers over the page, murmuring softly to himself.

_There is only one constant in the Universe, and that constant is the Force. The task of the Jedi is to remain always in tune with the flow of the Force through the world around them._

_Whether the Force dwells within the blade of grass, the crash of the storm, the sweet sound of the birds, or the breath of life that fills all living beings; or whether it be within the raging hurricane, in the the hungry forest fire, in the sharp teeth of the hunter and the blood of its prey, in nature red of tooth and claw, the Force is ever present and ready for the Force user to reach for it._

_The wise Jedi will remain aware that all sides of the world, all sides of nature, and all sides of sentient beings hold within them both the light and dark of the Force. The ultimate task of the Jedi, then, is to balance that Force both within themselves and the world around them._

“Interesting,” he looked at her meaningfully. “This seems distinctly more enlightened than what I was taught. I was told to reject the dark, that it had no place inside me.” He snorts with laughter , “Look how that turned out. It seems the ancient Jedi took a slightly different view of it.”

He carried on running his finger over the page, tracing the illuminated letters and illustrations. “It goes on to talk about ways of balancing the light and the dark, exercises and meditations.” He pulled his hands back and balanced his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers against his mouth and looking thoughtful

Rey flipped the book closed and turned in the seat to face Ben, her knees pressing into the side of his thighs. He turned his head to look at her, his eyes curious, and Rey felt just like she could fall into the brown depths of them. She licked her lips nervously, watching as his gaze flicked down to her lips, and then back up to her eyes.

“I've been thinking about the Force,” she told him. About why it's bringing us together like this, what it means. I'm sure it's not just random, there must be a reason.”

“And what reason would that be?” There was a slight tone of skepticism in his voice. So she reached out to him with her mind, trying to share with him the sense of conviction that she felt, the way she could feel the tides of the Force gather around them when they were together, both of them a swirling nexus of something she couldn't quite define.

 _Don't you feel that?_ she asked silently.

 _Yes, I feel it,_ he admitted

 _It felt strongest when_... She felt terribly self conscious, but she pushed on, anxious for him to understand. She reached for him and shared with him the way she felt when they kissed, the sheer rightness of it, the way she felt the bond pulse and thrum, tying them together irrevocably, the sense of the Force flowing like river in spate.

There was a slight bloom of colour high up on his cheeks and his eyes darkened. He leaned in towards her, and she felt pulled in towards him, captured like a moon orbiting a planet. The moment stretched out, tense and laden with meaning. Rey wondered if he would kiss her.

A gentle beeping interrupted the moment, and he pursed his lips and sighed gustily, pulling away. “The food's here.”

As if on cue, her stomach rumbled yet again and he gave her one of his slight smiles, before going to press the panel at the side of his door, allowing in a serivce-droid pushing a trolley stacked with dishes. The scent coming from the food made Rey's nostrils flare and her mouth water with anticipation.

“Here,” he gestured impatiently to a black table at the side of the room, and she watched as he pulled over two chairs while the droid stacked the dishes onto the table before turning to leave.

“Thank you,” Rey called after it, since he hadn't bothered, and the droid paused its stiff legged walk to turn and look curiously at her, before inclining its head slightly and then leaving.

Rey turned to find him looking at her with an perplexed look on his face. “It costs nothing to be polite,” she told him reproachfully.

His face was amused, as he gestured for her to take a seat at the table. “It's a droid, Rey.”

“Yes, well, I happen to like droids,” she told him haughtily as she moved over to the seat he indicated, settling herself in in front of the table.

She knew that her eyes were wide as she took in the table in front of her, her glance darting from one dish to the next, but she couldn't help herself. Food .... real, good, delicious, and plentiful food. She hadn't seen food like this since...well....ever. Lately it had been veg-meat and some sort of tuber they''d found growing in the ground of Ajan Kloss for most meals.

He passed her an empty plate, smiling indulgently. “Help yourself to anything you like.” He sat too, pulling his chair in and snagging a delicious looking steak in some type of crimson sauce, before adding a steaming pile of what looked like buttered green beans next to it.

Rey didn't need to be asked twice, and began piling her plate high with a selection of a number of the different dishes that looked appealing. She put her fork and knife to work, cutting through the tender looking steak he had also chosen, and she couldn't help but moan in pleasure as the spicy taste exploded across her tongue. She followed it by scooping up a fork full some sort of grain that was tossed with nuts, chopped herbs, and a wonderfully sour dressing. Rey groaned again in deep satisfaction, before looking up to find Ben watching her with dark eyes, his fork suspended halfway between mouth and plate, as though forgotten.

“What?” She had some difficulty speaking around food in her mouth.

“You sound like you're really enjoying that.”

“Well, obviously,” she told him, swallowing . “It's amazing.” She licked her lips, feeling the slight burn of spices upon them. He was still watching her, and she ducked her head suddenly self conscious.

“No, please, carry on,” he told her before scooping up some beans in his fork. “I'm just enjoying you enjoying it.”

*

In the end, Rey sampled all of the dishes that the First Order kitchen had to offer. They were all, without exception, delicious. She ate her fill, then leaned back in her chair with satisfaction. Feeling well fed was still a novel sensation to her, and the food was pleasantly warm in her stomach, making her relaxed and slightly drowsy. The remnants of spices tingled pleasantly on her tongue.

“Thank you. So much, really,” she told him seriously. “You're so...different to how I thought you would be. You've been so...thoughtful,” she mused.

He barked a laugh. “Just don't tell anyone else. It's only with you.”

“Oh yeah, mustn't besmirch your image as Supreme Leader,” she laughed, before suddenly yawning widely, just remembering to cover her mouth with her hand.

He pushed his chair back and stood, holding out his hand to her, saying simply “Come.” She looked at him curiously, before reaching out and taking it his hand, warm and soft in hers, letting him lead her across the room. She hesitated when she reached the doorway to his sleeping area, hanging back and chewing on her lip.

“Sleep, Rey,” he told her. “You're tired. And my chairs are apparently uncomfortable.” He smiled at her and she relaxed, yawning again. She was tired. Her limbs felt loose and relaxed, her body unused to a full hot meal. So she nodded at him and let him lead her to the bed, watching in amusement as he fluffed the pillows and gestured for her to lie down. She stretched out on top of the expensive feeling sheets and blankets, looking up at him from under her eyelashes as he watched her. He lingered for a moment, appearing to not know quite what to do, before telling her “I'll be just out there if you need me,” and turning to leave.

She didn't want him to leave though. The bond could take her away at any moment, the time they had together was limited, and had somehow become very precious to her. “Ben,” her voice was soft and tentative, unsure whether he would even want to stay. He turned to look at her. “Don't leave. Please.”

Unable to get any more words out she simply patted the bed next to her meaningfully. She was rewarded with one of his bright and full smiles, one of those that changed his whole face and made him look boyish and rakish, a smile that was all _Ben Solo_. He nodded fractionally, and then walked round to the other side of the bed and sat, shucking off his boots, before stretching himself out next to her, all long limbs and hard muscle.

She turned to face him, studying his profile; his high cheekbones, the strong aquiline nose that was almost regal, his full and sensuous lips, the way his hair was haloed out around him, thick and unruly. Her body tingled with nerves as she put her hand on his hip, pulling at him and gently urging him to turn towards her. He shifted his body willingly, and then they were facing each other, and Rey was getting lost in his expressive brown eyes. She traced the moles on his face with her gaze, a pattern laid out across his pale skin. She could sense his nerves vibrating through the bond, a fear that he would do or say something wrong, that he would scare her away. The air felt heavy and full of anticipation, and as he brought his hand up to cradle her cheek, she could feel it trembling.

 _It's ok Ben, it's ok,_ she told him a she let her eyes fall closed. Then he was running his fingers slowly over her brow, down her nose,tracing across her cheeks, before coming back down to cradle her chin in his hand, his thumb pressing against her bottom lip. She opened her eyes to find his eyes dark, pupils blown wide, before he leaned in to kiss her.

The kiss was deep and tender and wonderful. If she had though that the last kiss they shared was good, well, then this one was spectacular. Both of them were slightly more practised, knowing the shape of each other a little better. He took his time, licking into her mouth, learning his way around it and it was all Rey could do to respond in kind, her mind lost to the heady music of the bond singing out, and the surge of the Force around them. She lost all sense of time, losing herself into that kiss, and when he pulled away she involuntarily whimpered at the loss of the warmth of his lips. He sweetly pressed a kiss to her forehead, to both her cheeks, to the end of her nose, and then gently to her mouth again. She hummed happily gazing at him as he gazed back at her, his eyes full of wonder and tenderness.

 _Sleep now,_ he told her gently, his mind brushing warmly against hers. Rey obeyed, turning so her back was pressed against him, snuggling into his chest. His arm came around her stomach pulling her even closer against him, and he curled around her, their legs tangling together. He was so warm, Ret thought drowsily, his chest so hard and strong against her back. Part of Rey was almost always on guard, a legacy of having lived many years in the dangerous desert of Jakku, but in the circle of his arms she felt a safety that she had never experienced before. With a sigh, she let go of the last part of her defences and allowed herself to sink into him. Somewhere inside her she knew it was crazy that he could make her feel like this, that given who he was and what he represented, he shouldn't make her feel so warm and safe. But she couldn't deny the energy of the bond that entangled them, and most especially couldn't deny that the Force was pulling them inexorably together. She knew that at some point there would have to be a reckoning, and she dreaded that day. But for now, in this moment, she pushed the thought away.

She nestled herself into him, and also nestled her mind against his, letting her thoughts be pulled by the tide of his, their sleepy thoughts merging together and bringing a closeness beyond physical contact. As she began to drift into sleep, she felt the soft press of his lips against the top of her head, impossibly tender as he cradled her.

Sleep took her, and it was black, dreamless, and nourishing. The sort of sleep that only comes when you know you are completely safe.

When she awoke curled on her bed at the Resistance base, her backpack forgotten on the floor, her back was cold with the absence of him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren's grip on the leadership of the First Order is slipping. His attachment to Rey and refusal to destroy the remnants of the Resistance have put him in a tenuous position. He expects to die fighting his way off the flagship when the coup finally comes. But when the force-bond brings him to Rey again, he realises that there may be more possibilites for his future than he first thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Kylo Ren arced his fist through the air, slamming it into the smooth surface of the conference room table before him. Cracks spider-webbed out crazily from the impact of his closed fist, and he regarded the fine lines for a moment, breathing heavily. A tense silence had fallen across the whole room, the members of First Order command looking on warily, and he could feel the weight of their gazes pressing against him, heavy and suffocating. He felt too vulnerable without his helmet, exposed to their scrutiny, and well aware that he was never good at keeping his emotions from showing on his face even at the best of times. His breath came fast, a heady mixture of rage and anxiety, and he struggled with himself to master it.

“There will be no attack on the Resistance base. I forbid it,” he gritted out.

He watched as the officers exchanged sidelong glances, and as a smug smile of triumph spread across Hux’s face. The leather of his gloves creaked as he curled both his fists tightly, his left hand still pulsing with the pain of hitting the table. He fought the intense urge to punch that smile right off Hux’s insufferable face.

He was losing them, he knew this. His progressive ideas were too outlandish for the war machine of the First Order. Added to that, Hux had been busy spreading his poison throughout the leadership, consolidating his power. Kylo’s hold on the position of Supreme Leader was tenuous at best, and it was only a matter of time before Hux made his move.

“You’ve changed, Ren,” Hux had sneered at him at their last one on one meeting. “You would do well to remind yourself of the nature and mission of the First Order. People talk and-”

“Shut your mouth Hux,” Kylo had interrupted. “Don’t think that I’m unaware that half the reason people ‘talk’ is due to you whispering in their ears. Or that I’m unaware of why so many of the initiatives I’ve ordered haven’t been carried out as they should. It stops here.”

He had raised his hand to enforce his words with a Force chokehold, but the effort was only half-hearted and the flow of the dark had been sluggish at best. Hux had merely coughed a little and pulled at his collar, before shooting Kylo a venomous look and then striding from the room.

He ran his eyes over the assorted faces of the officers currently seated at the table, shaking his head in disgust. Not one of them had any interest in good government. They were too blinded by the desire to stamp the boot of the First Order firmly on the neck of the galaxy and then hold it there indefinitely.

“This meeting is over,” he told them. “Dismissed.”

Even as he turned and left the room he could hear the whispers begin, and as he moved through the doorway he could hear the oily and conspiratorial tone of Hux speaking in a low voice to the officers next to him. He ignored them all, striding from the room and down the corridor of the flagship. Troopers, officers and droids scattered before him like leaves in the wind, desperate not to incur his wrath.

In the last few weeks Kylo had spent more and more time in his own quarters, meditating, training and tinkering with his saber. He had avoided members of command, and barely made contact with his Knights. If he was honest, he had to admit to himself that he was slowly gearing up to fight his way off the ship when the inevitable mutiny came.

He had avoided all the recent command meetings lately, knowing that Hux would once again raise the issue of the Resistance in an attempt to call his bluff. Predictably, as soon as he had attended one, that was exactly what had happened. He knew that his refusal to obliterate the Resistance had been, at first, bewildering to them, before eventually it had become outright suspicious. That, combined with initiatives to govern as something other than a violent tyrant, to make the First Order credible as a long term ruler, had sealed his fate.

He knew that he was shortening the timeline of the oncoming coup by refusing to attack the Resistance at the meeting today, but he just somehow couldn’t bring himself to care. The fact was that Rey was, presumably, still with the Resistance, and the last thing he wanted was her dead. The very idea of it chilled him to his bones and opened a black maw of despair within him. The idea of the galaxy without her in it was intolerable to him. He was, of course, also saving his mother’s life by refusing to attack the Resistance base, but he didn’t allow himself to delve too deeply into that thought and how large a part of his motivation that fact was.

Recently he had spent an undue amount of time thinking about the scavenger and her hazel-green eyes, and of the way she had felt so small and delicate as she had curled inside his arms the last time the bond brought them together. He had turned over in his mind many times the way her hair had tickled his chin as she slept, her head tucked under his chin, and the sweet scent of her - rain and fresh earth and engine oil.

The thought of her soothed him and brought a small smile to his face, to the horror of an officer approaching him, who turned on his heel and hurried in the opposite direction at the sight.

It had been too long since the bond had brought them together, three weeks by his count. He had reached out to her through their connection on several occasions during that time, sending tendrils of himself seeking across the galaxy. She had answered him each time, the unmistakable touch of her mind brushing against his, leaving him suffused with warmth and comfort. However, it was impossible to speak at this distance or to glean anything apart from the very vaguest notion of how she was feeling, and that was frustrating. In his meditations he had attempted to explore the shape and the sense of the bond, tried to forge a stronger connection that would bring them together at will, but to no avail. So he was left, alas, with nothing but these brief connections and a nagging sense of longing which doggedly followed him wherever he went. Once, such longing would have made him feel weak and exposed, would have been something to be either violently cut out, or else repressed into the deepest recesses of his heart. Yet these days, when it came to her, he allowed such feelings to linger, and in doing so discovered that they didn’t make him feel weak. On the contrary, even the very idea of her presence salved the anger and the conflict inside of him and made him feel stronger, clearer. And when he was actually by her side he felt more stable, better than he had in a long time. There was something both tentative and tender growing within him, he knew this deep down at his core, but he couldn’t yet bring himself to examine it too closely or to put a name to it.

The corridors became quieter as he got closer to his quarters, located as they were in a more isolated part of the ship. The thud of boots against hard floors faded into the distance, and he allowed himself to relax a little as he approached his doors. A lone mouse droid came hurtling along round the corner, veering violently out of his way squealing, and he scowled at it in annoyance, before he stopped and pressed his palm to the security lock of his rooms.

The hiss of the doors behind him was a blissful relief, and he immediately stripped off his leather gloves, tossing them carelessly on a table as he passed. He approached the large viewport at the opposite side of his chambers, pressing his palms against the transparisteel surface and looking at the galaxy spread out before him - so many stars spattered across the ink-darkness, like spilled milk across a black cloth. She was out there. He knew where, and for a moment he toyed with the idea of just leaving and going to see her right now. He could do it if he wanted. None of the hangar crew would question the Supreme Leader leaving on his command shuttle. The journey wasn’t unbearably long - Hux had moved them closer to Ajan Kloss without Kylo’s permission, as he had discovered at today’s meeting. He could be with her inside of a day and a half. He toyed with the idea for a few minutes. It was unbelievably tempting - to have her there before him, to hold her in his arms in person, warm and alive, pressed against him. But then reality crashed in. He would be met with a blaster to the face the second he stepped foot on the Resistance base, there was no way around that fact.

He sighed heavily, his breath steaming up the viewport before him and he idly swiped his fingers through the small cloudy patch, thinking about the girl with hazel eyes and three buns. As if summoned by that thought, he felt a familiar vibration fill his chest, and the sound of the star destroyer suddenly dropped away around him. There was a popping in his ears as if the air pressure had suddenly changed, and the whole universe felt as if it had paused for a brief moment. His breath caught in excitement as he felt warmth spilling out from the presence of the bond within him, and he spun to face the room, watching eagerly for the telltale shimmer in the air which would let him know where she would materialise. But instead, his whole surroundings wavered and then blurred, and he felt the bond tug at him deep inside his chest, as though it was pulling him somewhere.

Was it possible that the bond was actually bringing him to her location this time? He tensed slightly, checking habitually for his saber at his belt and falling into a defensive stance in case he found himself in the midst of a very hostile Resistance base. The world tilted around him for a moment and then fell away.

The sound that filled the silent space around him was unmistakably a starship in flight, albeit emitting a higher whine than the Resurgent Class Star Destroyer he had just come from. There was a vibration coming up through his boots that was distinctly less smooth than his flagship, and it both sounded and felt oddly familiar, setting his heart pounding in his chest. When the slightly musty smell hit his nostrils, sparking off the memory centres in his brain, he knew then for sure which ship it was. The Millenium kriffing Falcon. His swimming vision was the last of his senses to resolve itself, and as it cleared the blurry images resolved themselves into intimately familiar colours and shapes. He was standing in the corridor that led to the cockpit, still in a defensive stance, hand at his hip. As he looked around at the panelling of the corridor which encircled him - so intimately known yet unseen by him for so long - emotions welled up in him, sticking in his throat and causing him to make a small strangled noise.

Rey appeared instantly in the cockpit entrance before him, her smile wide and her expression eager, and she made as if to start towards him until she noticed his stance and the look on his face, and caught the drift of his feelings through the bond. Then her smile dropped and her expression turned to concern.

He just stood there looking at her, unable to speak as a torrent of feelings poured through him. The unmistakable scent of the ship's interior seemed to burrow into his insides, setting up an ache there that almost had him doubling over. There was anger inside him, warring for dominance, but there was also loneliness and regret, and a longing for something like home. The most cutting of all was a gut wrenching guilt. For him, the whole ship was painted with memories of his father, and in this place the ever present horror of what he had done was brittle and sharp inside him.

He shook himself a little, trying to clear his mind, pushing back the memories and tamping down on his feelings urgently, to no avail. He tried to distract himself by focusing on the woman before him. There was such a soft kindness in her gaze that it staggered him - kindness that was entirely unwarranted given everything he had done. She shone so brightly, and he wondered who on earth he was to bask in such a light. What had he actually done to be worthy of her regard? Of her compassion? He tried to think of a single worthy thing he had ever done in his time with the First Order. Oh, there was a time when he thought he could name so many worthy actions, so righteous and militant was his mindset. But looking back now, all he saw was a young man so desperate for approval, so desperate to belong, that he allowed himself to become radicalised and commit atrocities with blithe abandon. He pondered his recent history and wondered when things had changed so much, when he had actually started to _feel_ again. Perhaps when she came into his life.

He shook his head at himself in disgust. She still stood there, simply giving him the time and space to get a grip on himself, but he knew he would have to say something eventually. He opted to turn and stalk into the lounge in an attempt to buy himself a little time. He could feel her worry as she followed behind him, and was well aware that his control over his emotions was totally shot at this moment, knew his feelings must be spilling through their connection.

He slid himself onto the sofa, bringing his elbows onto the Dejarik table and dropping his head to his hands, fisting his fingers in his hair. Memories poured through his brain, overwhelming him...Han bouncing him on his knee as in the cockpit as he showed a young Ben the power-up sequence for the Falcon. A rare trip with his father and mother, all three of them together, a cosy night in a bunk in the crew quarters with the comfortable thrum of the ship encompassing him like a warm hug, lulling him to sleep. Playing with his model starships on the floor of the lounge, making soft whooshing noises as he made them fly through the air with the Force, being suddenly startled by Chewie’s outraged roar as he lost yet another game of Dejarik to Han. And then the red, always the crimson red of his blade piercing his father’s body, and the cloying scent of burned flesh in his nose. These memories, and others, flashed through his mind in a matter of seconds, leaving him raw and gasping for breath. The enormity of his father’s death - a feeling ever present but usually suppressed into a dull pain - washed over him, leaving him stunned and blinking.

He didn’t notice Rey approaching, and he jumped slightly as cool hands slid over his own soothingly. Her strong fingers untangled his hands from his hair, where he had gripped it in tufts. Her hands wrapped his and all he could do was hang his head and look at the patterns of the game table in front of him, as though he was trying to divine the answers to all of his many many problems in its patterned surface. Soft fingers pressed firmly under his chin, insisting that he raise his head and meet her gaze. He did so, looking into her eyes and feeling himself stripped down to his rawest and most vulnerable parts. She was so beautiful, so precious, that it was pure arrogance to think such a dark and broken thing as himself could ever be worthy of her regard.

She spoke softly, layers of concern for him spilling through both her voice and through the bond. “I see your thoughts. You are worthy of me. I know it in my bones. And you are not unworthy of my compassion.”

“Compassion…” he echoed numbly.

“Not just compassion,” she corrected, her voice soft. And then, self consciously, “Ben, you must know how i feel. About you. About this crazy thing between us. It’s not just compassion, you have to know that.”

He just blinked at her, too overwhelmed to process. In the end she leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to his lips, the bond sparking at the contact. He opened his mouth to her, letting her take control, feeling her lips move over his. Her mouth pressed hard against his in a kiss that seemed to pour into him all her concern, all her sympathy, all her forgiveness. It was too much to take, and in the end he pulled back from her. She just gave him an unreadable look, then sighed and slid her way onto the couch next to him, turning to face him and curling her legs up under herself.

She slid her hand into his, stilling the trembling in his fingers as she pressed her mind gently against his, wordlessly beseeching him to let her in. His mind was a teeming mass of painful and conflicted emotions, and he wavered, wanting somehow to both protect her from the violent agony in there and to protect himself from the vulnerability that came with opening up to her. Instead he looked down at their intertwined fingers. Her hand was dwarfed by his, his grasp almost monstrously large around hers, and how appropriate that was, she had called him a monster once after all and he had certainly lived up to that expectation-

 _-Stop that!_ she told him firmly through the bond. _Let me in, let me understand so I can help you. Please Ben._

He reluctantly dropped all his defenses to her, letting her ghost into his mind, feeling as she skimmed through his conflicted feelings. He opened up his memories of the recent weeks to her, the way he had missed her presence, the problems with the First Order, his frustration and weariness. She moved through his mind with a remarkable gentleness for one who was so untutored in the Force, and as always he was amazed by her instinctive mastery of it. She didn’t need a teacher. She never had. She was her own best teacher. He felt her pleasure at this thought, before she insisted, _But I’d still like to learn from you. And for us to learn together._

He managed a weary smile at that, before she slid out of his mind, smooth as shimmersilk. She reached up, cupping his cheek, and though he tried to stop himself from leaning into her palm, he couldn’t help seeking out the soft comfort it gave him. His mind felt calmer now, soothed both by her presence within it, and the presence of her in the room next to him. The warmth of her hand in his gave him strength and some measure of composure. For a moment he let himself just sink into the reassuring thumming light of the bond between them.

Eventually she spoke, so softly it was almost a whisper. “There is good in you Ben, and you are worthy of forgiveness. The very fact that you feel such pain is proof of that.”

He shook his head dismissively, “Rey, the things i’ve done, my father…” he trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought.

“Right now, the light is burning inside you stronger than I've ever seen it before,” she told him, before pushing back locks of hair that had fallen around his face. “Did you realise that?”

If the light made him feel like this, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted it inside him so strongly. It was hard and harsh, not as comforting as the sticky blackness of the dark. It threw into sharp relief all the darkest of his deeds, forcing him to look at them in their full glory. The light wasn’t as easy as the cradling blackness of the dark. How did she shine so bright with it and survive?

“No. Maybe. I- I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Trust me, it is, I can feel it. I’m not saying the dark isn’t there of course. It is. But you’re more in balance than I've ever seen you.”

She looked at him carefully, like she was weighing him up, and he couldn’t hold the intensity of her gaze, so instead he turned his head, kissing her palm. When she spoke, his heart began hammering at her words.

“You want to leave the First Order. You may not want to admit it, because you’ve buried it deep inside, but underneath all of that pain and anger that’s what you want. And anyway, you believe that soon enough you won’t have a choice in the matter.”

His gaze shot back to her and she dropped her hand from his face, watching as he opened his mouth to reflexively object. Instead he just snapped it closed and sat there thinking deeply. There was truth to what she said, though part of him rebelled and raged against it. Regardless of if he had to leave, making the decision to jump before he was pushed meant giving up the notion that years of his life had been spent on a worthy cause. It meant admitting how utterly stupid he had been, that all the atrocities he’d committed were without just reason. It meant he had wasted his adult life.

“Snoke manipulated you,” Rey interrupted, having caught the drift of his musings. “Since you were a child. He preyed on the conflict of light and dark inside you. He _groomed_ you. There’s no shame in turning away from the path he set you on.”

He could feel the truth of what she said. But what options did he truly have? People like him didn’t get a second chance.

“Let’s say I did want to leave the First Order -and i’m not saying that I do,” he ventured. “What then?”

She answered instantly, “Come to me, to the Resistance.”

He just shook his head at her, noting the disappointed cast to her features. Her expression tugged at a painfully tender part of him.

Going to the Resistance would mean that immediate blaster bolt to the head - or worse yet, a trial which would inevitably end in his execution. He had no intention of dying just yet. Also, if he were to abdicate the throne, Hux would immediately be out for his blood. His name and image would be beamed to every civilised planet in the galaxy, an unspeakably high bounty on his head. Where else could he go? The Outer Rim or the Unknown Regions were his only option.

Could he do it? He could make his way to some Outer Rim planet, somewhere on the borders of civilisation, away from the long reach of the First Order. Take on a new name and a new profession, perhaps grow a beard and grow out his hair, make a home and a life for himself away from all this. At least until some local, curious about the stranger with the scar, put a name to the face and commed his suspicions to the nearest First Order base. Then a squadron of Death Troopers would arrive to lay waste to both him and whatever sparse population there was where he’d settled. No. He was sick of all the killing, all the death. Everyone would be better off if he were to remain alone.

And what of Rey? The temptation to ask Rey to run away with him was overwhelming. For a moment he allowed himself to dream of them both leaving together. Of setting up home on some planet filled with green and growing things - she would like that. He imagined them building a house together, falling asleep in each other’s arms every night, and perhaps in the future a small child with tuft or dark brown hair and hazel eyes…..but he knew those dreams were not for him. People like him didn’t deserve such things. Plus, he knew that Rey would never leave the Resistance. In fact, with Hux at the head of the First Order, hell bent on building another super-weapon and stamping out any rebellion, the cause of the Resistance would be more vital than ever. She would want to be a part of that, he knew that with certainty.

The Outer Rim or the Unknown Regions it was then. A lonely exile. He was surprised to find that somewhere along the lines of his thoughts he had come to a decision. It had been a long time coming and was momentous and terrifying, with no real fairytale ending - but the thought of it exhilarated him.

She sat watching him, her expression pensive, one hand still intertwined with his, but allowing him the privacy of his thoughts.

“You are right. I do want to leave,” he admitted, the words bitter in his mouth. “But-” he interrupted her as she started to speak eagerly, knowing what she was about to say. “I’ll make for the Unknown Regions.”

Rey’s mouth drew into a line and she got a stubborn set to her chin. Despite how overwhelmed he was, it made him smile inside to see it. His scavenger girl, always so passionate and defiant.

“Why?” She demanded.

“Because they will kill me as soon as I set foot on any Resistance base,” he told her wearily.

“We aren’t savages,” she shot back. “Obviously you’ll be detained, pending a trial, but I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”

“Any trial will end in my execution,” he replied, his tone filled with certainty. “And I’m not saying that’s not what I deserve, but I’d really rather not die.”

“Not necessarily,” she insisted. “You have a lot of intelligence which would be of great value to the Resistance. That alone will keep you alive.”

“But imprisoned for the rest of my life,” he argued back. Again, he knew it was probably what he deserved, but he couldn't imagine never being free again, living the rest of his life caged by the same four walls, a small opening his only window out to the wider universe. In a way that felt almost worse than death.

Rey extracted her hand from his, and jumped up, starting to pace the small lounge, and he could sense that she was thinking intently.

“I’ll vouch for you,” she began. “I’ll tell them what really happened in the Throne Room, that it was you who killed Snoke.” She stopped, and he watched as she chewed her lip, thinking. “How many ships are with the flagship at the moment?”

He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. “There’s four Star Destroyers and one Dreadnought,” he answered. “Why, what are you thinking?”

She approached and rested her hands on the game table, looking at him intently. “What I’m thinking is that you sabotage the First Order on the way out. That it’s a win-win situation for everybody. It will create an advantage for the Resistance if you take out the command ship and the others. That, along with my testimony from the Throne Room, plus the intelligence you provide will prove to them that you really have turned away from the First Order.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with my mother,” he mused. “You’re thinking like a politician.”

He put his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands, leaning forward and looking into the hazel green of her eyes. He noticed for the first time that they were shot through with flecks of gold. He could feel the excitement and anticipation thrumming off her, she was almost sparking with energy. Right then he just wanted to close the few inches between them, and just kiss and kiss her. They could let the whole Galaxy fall away, until they were the only two people left in it. He would carry her into the crew quarters and lay her down on the double bunk, cover her body with his and lose himself in her. The rest of the Galaxy could burn for all he cared right now, as long as she stayed by his side.

He tore his mind away from the tempting fantasy to think about what she was suggesting. It had merit. Taking out the command ship would create chaos in the Order and, best of all, it would rid the galaxy of Hux and his tyrannical plans. With both himself and Hux gone, the internal power struggles would begin and the First Order would turn inwards as different factions fought for control. That would take the heat off him, any mission to look for him delayed by the infighting. It would also ensure the short term safety of the Resistance, which he didn’t especially care about but for that fact that it would ensure Rey’s safety, since she would no doubt stubbornly insist on remaining with them. It would also, he reluctantly admitted to himself, keep his mother alive too. And, as Rey had said, ultimately, if he decided to go to the Resistance, it would both keep him alive and give him bargaining power over how he would spend the rest of his life.

“It’s possible..” he began and she jumped back looking victorious. He slid out from the sofa, and now it was his turn to pace as she leaned against the wall of the ship, just watching him work it all out in his head.

“I don’t know how much time I have left. Not much, so it has to be soon. Within the next few days, certainly. I’m Supreme leader - for now at least. I can visit all the other ships that are with us under the guise of an inspection. I can plant thermal detonators on them all, and then lastly on the flagship. Then I’ll leave on the command shuttle. I’ll detonate the bombs once I’m well away.”

“And then come to us, “ she continued. “It will be okay, they’ll come to see that having another Jedi on their side is to their advantage and-”

“-I’m not a Jedi, Rey” he interrupted her. “I never will be. Being a Jedi is a path I turned from long ago. And i’m not sure I want to be on anyone's side. At least nobody’s but ours.”

She looked like she was about to argue with him, and he sensed her having some sort of internal struggle.

“Okay - well,” she concluded in the end. “Leia will vouch for you as well, you know.” Rey’s eyes went soft and sad for a moment. “She will be so happy to see you, you know.”

The mention of his mother sent a sudden jolt through him, stopping his pacing and bringing him up short to stand in front of Rey. A wave of both anger and guilt washed over him. That was one meeting he was definitely not yet ready to have. He wasn’t sure if he ever would be.

He looked down at her, allowing himself to lift his hand and brush back a bit of hair that had escaped her buns, then rested his hands on her shoulders, looking at her seriously. “I’ll do it. I’ll blow up the fleet. But...I can’t come to the Resistance.”

Her chin got that stubborn set to it again, and she began to object but he interrupted her. “I’m not saying never. I’m saying not at the moment. I-,” he ran one hand through his hair anxiously. “I’m a mess Rey. I don’t have anything like good enough control over the dark in me yet. Plus,” he laughed humourlessly, “I am nowhere near ready to see my mother yet. I’ll head for the Unknown Regions.”

Her stubborn expression softened and she gave herself a slight nod. “Okay. Okay, it makes sense,” she agreed, but then added, “...for now,” her eyes narrowing at him.

He rolled his eyes and then pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her and reveling in the warmth of her body pressed to his. A traitorous part of him was slightly disappointed she didn’t fight him more on where he was to go, didn’t insist that if he came to her it meant that they could be together in person at last, but he pushed it to one side. No matter how much he ached to be with her, he had to do what he knew was right for himself, and by extension those around him. Suddenly he felt her stiffen in his arms, and he pulled back, looking down at her in concern. But she was smiling.

“Oh!” She said. Then, “of course.”

He raised an eyebrow at her curiously.

“The First Order never completed the map to Luke did they?” she asked.

What on earth did that have to do with anything? “No…” he said slowly. He looked down at her, perplexed.

“Ahch-To. The island where I trained, where you first came to me through the bond. You can go there! It’s a Force nexus, both light and dark, it’s where the Jedi order was founded-”

“I’m not a Jedi,” he interjected smoothly.

She batted at his shoulder crossly. “Shush. What i’m saying is it’s the perfect place for you to go. It’s in the Unknown Regions,” she began ticking off facts on her fingers. “Even the remnants of the First Order won’t know where it is. It’s deserted, it’s the perfect place for you to have some time alone to regroup. Because the Force is so strong there, you can work on getting balanced. And there’s porgs!” she added.

“What the kriff are porgs?” He queried, bemused.

“Never mind, you’ll find out,” she smiled secretively. “I’ll comm through the plan to Leia. Then-” she looked up at him shyly. “I’ll see you there?”

He gaped at her. “You’ll see me there? You’d leave the Resistance and come to me?” he asked, trying not to sound too eager.

“I’ve already left the Resistance,” she told him. “Well not _left_ left. I’ve just gone away for a while. I’m living on Ahch-To at the moment. I’m just out on a supply run. So _you’d_ be coming to _me._ ”

His heart leapt at the thought of finally being with her in person, yet at the same time the idea filled him with nervous butterflies that fluttered deep down in his belly. There was a potential for something important and vital growing between them, he knew both of them could feel it, and it terrified him and exhilarated him in equal measure. He didn’t exactly have any experience with this sort of connection or relationship; his time at the Jedi Academy and then the First Order had left no time at all for any type of dalliances with the opposite sex, and the buffer of the bond had kept them at the illusion of a slight distance even when it brought them together. But being with her in person….he shivered happily at the thought, even as it terrified him. To Ahch-To it was then, and to Rey

“What brought you back to Ahch-To?” he asked, curious. “You’ve already got the Jedi texts. Why?...” he trailed off. She had been so unhappy there when he had connected with her through the bond. She had told him she’d never felt more alone, her, the girl whose very life was defined by loneliness. It was the last place he thought she’d be.

She leaned against the wall, crossing her arms and then looked at him guiltily. “When the force-bond started bringing me to you again - I mean bringing me properly to you on your ship...well we were worried what might happen if you came to me, if you found out where the Resistance base was.” She looked up at him under her eyelashes, her gaze tentative.

It stung, that she’d been concerned he might give them away to the First Order, though he knew he had no real right to be bothered about it. He’d given her little enough reason in the past to trust him.

“We know where the base is,” his voice was matter of fact.

Rey’s eyes went wide, and her face fearful. “Oh stars! I have to let the others know. We have to relocate, we have to-” she turned, muttering urgently to herself and began to make for the cockpit. He reached out and caught her around the waist with his long reach, pulling her back around to face him.

“We’ve known for a while, Rey,” he told her.

“But...but,” she tried to pull away from him again, but he just held her even more tightly. “They could attack at any moment!” Her eyes narrowed as if expecting some sort of ambush - or worse, a betrayal from him.

He hurried to soothe her before her panic could spin out of control. “The reason there’s been no attack is because I’ve forbidden it. Repeatedly.” he told her intently. “It’s a not-insignificant part of the reason that there’s going to be a coup against me.”

“Oh.” She looked chastened and a little embarrassed, and she softened in his grasp before stepping closer and hiding her face in his chest.

He laughed softly, wrapping his arms tight around her, murmuring into her hair. “I couldn’t let them hurt you. I couldn’t let anything happen to you,” he told her, voice choking a little at the thought of it. His heart beat rapidly, as it always did when her body was close to his. “I could never let anything happen to you,” he murmured into her hair.

She pulled back a little, angling her neck to look up at him. “Is this it, Ben? Are you really going to leave it all behind? Is it real this time?”

There was a little tremor in her voice, and a deep fear at the back of her eyes. He felt her uncertainty drift through the bond, her longing to believe him. She was filled with a fervent hope that this time he would truly turn his back on the Order, a thought which filled her with joy and anticipation. Yet, still, she feared she would be left hurt and abandoned by him again. She feared that he might turn on her. But he knew now that he never would. He might be a mess of confused feelings and thoughts, but if there was one thing he was certain of, it was Rey. He tried to press this conviction through the bond as he answered her, seeking to reassure her.

“Yes, Rey.” He pressed a brief kiss to her lips. “This is it.”

She smiled at him. Her eyes were wide, and he could see the naked feeling within them. Tears were starting in their corners, and he knew through the bond that they were tears of happiness and relief. Before he could say anything else, she fisted her hand in his hair and pulled him in towards her for a searing kiss. She licked deep into his mouth and he responded eagerly in kind. Then she moaned and he felt the sound reverberate through his body.

He moved forward, crowding her until she was pressed back against the wall. He kissed his way down the smooth column of her neck, nipping at her skin and then soothing with his tongue afterwards, eliciting soft gasps from her. His hands roved up and down her body, sliding from the back of her head, down her shoulders and arms, then up along the side of her ribs, brushing the sides of her breasts with his thumbs. She twitched under him, and he pulled back suddenly cursing himself for losing control. She was just too kriffing adorable for her own good. She made his blood sing, made him feel alive in a way he hadn’t done for years, and it was all too easy to overstep.

“I’m sorry, ” he said ruefully.

She looked surprised. “What?” She caught the drift of his self reproach through their connection, and then shockingly, she laughed.

He huffed a little, embarrassed, but she just caught hold of his hands and looked up at him earnestly. “You’ve not overstepped. I want this. I want _you_ ”

At those words, he surged forwards again, crashing his lips against hers, and sliding his hands round under her thighs. He picked her up easily, her weight nothing to muscles hardened through years of training. He pressed her to the wall, and her legs came up around his waist. He allowed himself to lose himself in her utterly, his whole being given over to the press of her body against his, desire rising in both of them and twisting its way through the bond, each of them feeding on the fire inside the other. They kissed like this for what felt like an eternity. When both of them broke away, breathless, they sensed at the same moment their connection beginning to fade.

He reluctantly let her down onto the ground again, silently cursing the unpredictable timing of their Force connection.

“I’ll see you soon,” she told him.

He reached down and cupped her cheek. “I’ll see you soon sweetheart.”

He saw her eyes go wide at the endearment and a blush spread over her cheeks, and then with a snap he was back in his quarters alone, the familiar hum of the giant starship surrounding him.

He sat down heavily at his workbench, staring into the middle distance, and began to mentally plan everything he would need to do to get off this kriffing ship.

At one time he’d thought he would probably die in the coming coup, his life extinguished in a roar of flame and blood. While he would have fought with everything he had to stay alive, such an ending had seemed apt. A full stop at the end of a life filled with pain and fury.

But now….now there was something more. Now there was a rising light inside of him. Now, for the first time in so many years, there was a sense of hope; it fluttered inside him weakly like a caged bird - but it was there, tangible and present.

Now there was a girl with hazel eyes waiting for him in the Unknown Regions.

And he’d do absolutely anything it took to get to her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey waits for the moment when Ben Solo will finally leave the First Order, as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

One of the things Rey loved most about the other planets she had visited was the rain. Water had been such a scarce and precious resource on Jakku, that she had been miraculously lucky to spend most of her time since she left there on two planets prone to both torrential outbursts and soft prolonged spells of almost mist like drizzle. First, Ajan Kloss where the Resistance had scrambled to establish a new base after Crait. Then, when the force-bond became a threat to the Resistance, back here to the familiar territory of Ahch-To.

Despite the fact that the island was filled with memories of her late Master, and the fact that she had been miserable and frustrated with Luke on her last stay, Rey found that she could be happy here, alone. In fact she loved the environment; the looming bruised clouds heavy with fat drops of rain that would come in violent outbursts; the wind that whipped relentlessly at her hair and body; the crashing of the waves against the jagged rocks of the small island; even the presence of the soft pudgy porgs, all round eyes and mournful cries. 

Most of all though, she loved the presence of the Force on the Island. It pressed up through the very skin of the place, suffusing the ground beneath her feet and making her feel alive in a way she never had on Jakku. 

She had taken over one of the small stone huts, making it cosy with firelight every night, wrapping herself in the thick blankets Leia had pressed onto her before she left Ajan Kloss. The caretakers were as surly with her as ever, but she tiptoed around them, careful not to cause any more damage, and in the last three weeks they had come to an uneasy truce.

The days on the island had given her time to reassemble the broken lightsaber, just the way that Ben had taught her. She had sat in the temple and concentrated as she levitated the pieces together, feeling in her core when each part slipped into place, and plucking it from the air once it was whole again. She had ignited it, and the buzzing song of the bright blue blade had seemed to fill up her very soul, the hilt comfortable and familiar in her hand as she swung it around experimentally. 

She missed her friends acutely, but found herself slipping back into the habit of being alone more easily that she’d thought she would. Perhaps it was something to do with the presence of the bond within her, the way that Ben reached out to her frequently from across the galaxy, touching her mind gently, as though seeking reassurance. Perhaps it was that, these days, she never felt truly alone. 

Today, though, it was hard to find any solace in the environment or in the bond. Three days ago he had appeared to her in the Falcon when she was on a supply run, and as they talked he had come to the momentous decision to leave the First Order of his own volition. She could scarcely believe it at the time, and all the old fears of being let down and abandoned had resurfaced. But his eyes had been so serious, his embrace so fierce as he had told her that this was it, he really was leaving them. Now, today, she could sense some giant convulsions in the Force, as though the destiny of the galaxy were shifting, and she knew that today was the day he would leave them and come to her on Ahch-To. 

If all went according to plan, he would leave the First Order with his body intact and with them none the wiser - at least until he blew their ships contents into the airless and freezing expanse of space. But Rey had had too many experiences of the best laid plans going awry, and today she was seized by a cold fear that he would arrive on the island mortally injured, or at worst be killed outright before he could even leave. And so she had trudged up the long towering pathway to the apex of the island to sit on Luke’s meditation stone, and attempted to calm her mind with meditation in the Force. It didn’t work. Her mind was unruly, refusing to let go and calm, instead jumping around various subjects and always coming repeatedly back to the worry about what would happen to Ben. In the end she gave it up, descending from the peak of the island huffing in frustration. 

She now found herself on the single pebbled beach the island possessed, sitting on the shore while the sky glowed blue above her in a rare prolonged sunny spell. She idly threw pebbles into the water and tried to send strength and comfort to Ben through the bond, not knowing whether it was hitting its mark or not. Earlier in the day she had reached out to touch his mind several times, reassuring herself that he was still alive and well. He hadn’t always answered her call today, and when he did, his response had been vague. She guessed meant that he was distracted, and so she hadn’t reached out again, not wanting to pull his attention away at a crucial moment of his escape. 

*

Three days ago, after Ben had left her blushing in the corridor of the Falcon, she had immediately rushed to the cockpit and typed the secure code for the Resistance base into her comm. She hadn’t really expected the General herself to answer, but she groaned inwardly when Poe was the one to pick up. His mind was incisive, he was always too full of questions and he would no doubt want to know why she wanted to speak to Leia privately. He was, after all, being groomed for command, and would expect her to be able to tell him anything she would tell the General.

“Rey of light! How goes it?” He had answered the comm with his usual jaunty tone of voice, and Rey cringed inwardly at the nickname. 

“Hey Poe, good to speak to you,” she answered. “It’s going good, thanks.”

“Force training going well?” He asked.

“Um, yeah, thanks.” She suddenly remembered the cover story she and Leia had concocted about why she would be absent from the Resistance base for an undetermined time. “ Force training’s going great thanks. Perfect.”

“Fantastic!” She could practically hear his wide toothy smile through the comm. “Any chance of you coming home soon then, if it’s going well? We all miss you loads.”

“Wellll…” she began slowly. “I’ve still got some way to go yet, you know, with the Force stuff.”

“Well, just don’t take too long, okay?” His voice buzzed through the slight crackle of static. “We need the Last Jedi back with the Resistance. You’re a big draw for the allies we need. Everyone we’ve spoken to is asking about you.”

Rey sighed. As much as she wanted the resistance to rebuild its numbers and gain the allies it so desperately needed, even though she knew that her moniker supposedly inspired hope, she kind of hated being reduced down to her role as the “Last Jedi.” It made her feel like she was some prize pet, fit to be paraded in front of the curious. Though she would never change her awakening in the Force, there were times when she wished she could be both a Force wielder and just _Rey_. She hummed noncommittally in response to Poe. 

“Anyway,” he continued, “To what do I owe the pleasure? Everything ok out there?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, don’t worry,” she kicked her feet as she sat in the captain’s chair of the Millenium Falcon, thinking quickly. “I just - uh - i really need to speak to Leia. Alone.”

There was a short silence, filled only with the crackle of static. “What’s up Rey? I’m dealing with pretty much anything at the level that Leia does these days, there’s no need to trouble her.”

This was what she had feared. She steeled herself to be firm. “No, sorry, it’s really something that I need to speak to Leia alone about.”

Poe’s tone turned slightly formal in a way she hadn’t heard from him before. “Leia has a lot on her plate at the moment. Her health isn’t in the best condition either, as you know. I’ve been taking on a lot of additional duties and i’d have thought anything important enough to tell Leia, you’d-”

“Poe!” She cut him off frustrated. “It’s something that only Leia can deal with. It’s Force related.” That wasn’t exactly a lie, because it _did_ have something to do with the Force-bond between her and Ben. But she wasn’t about to reveal that to Poe. 

She could tell from his tone of voice that he was put out, but was trying his best to cover it. 

“Well if you’re sure…” he trailed off slightly reproachful.

“Yeah, I’m sure. But thanks Poe, I really appreciate your support,” she soothed.

“Okay,” he conceded. “I’ll go get her now. Won’t be long. Bye Rey, see you soon hopefully?”

She opted not to respond to the note of question in his tone at the end. “Bye Poe, take care.”

She leaned back in the large comfortable chair and breathed out a sigh of relief. That had gone better than she thought it might. Leia would be able to decide what to do from here when it came to how and when the Resistance would be told that Ben had turned. Of course, Leia was the only one Rey had enough trust in to both turn this into an advantage for the Resistance, while at the same time acting in Ben’s best interests. 

Only a few moments passed before she heard Leia’s low voice over the comm. “Rey? Are you there?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m here,” she answered eagerly. She heard noises in the background, as if Leia were moving about, and she imagined her getting comfortable in front of the comm.

“Poe said you needed to speak to me alone?” There was a gentle tone of query in Leia’s voice.

“Yes, General,” Rey replied.

“It’s just Leia when we’re alone,” the General told her. Rey knew she had told her that before, but her overriding mental image of Leia was as the strong and resolute leader of the cause, and thus she automatically deferred to the term of respect. Yet now, she reminded herself, she would be speaking to her as both the General, but also as the mother of a son once lost to the darkness. Rey had seen the tears shining in Leia’s eyes when they had last spoken of Ben, and she knew that he was Leia’s greatest vulnerability. Her heart pounded with both anxiety and excitement at what she was about to tell the woman, about what it would mean to her.

“So Rey, what is it that you need to tell me?” Leia’s voice was quietly encouraging, seeming to recognise in Rey the slight anxiety that she felt. 

Even as she sensed what a shock to the system it would be for Leia to hear that her son was finally turning away from the path Snoke had set him on so many years ago, Rey decided that the woman would appreciate her not dancing around the facts and instead would prefer her to get straight to the point.

She stripped down any superfluous explanations and equivocations and instead told Leia simply, “Ben has decided to leave the First Order.”

There was a stunned silence on the end of the line, which seemed to stretch endlessly, until Leia finally spoke, her voice cautious, yet Rey could still sense the hope veined through her tone. “So he’s turning away from that path at last?”

“Yes,” Rey responded immediately. “And what’s more, he’s going to sabotage the flagship fleet on his way out. It will take out both Hux and the majority of the First Order command. They’ll be left floundering-”

“-and then they’ll turn inwards as there’s a fight for control,” murmured Leia.

“Exactly,” Rey added excitedly. “It will create both space for us to regroup, and an advantage once we have.”

“Why is my son doing this?” Leia asked, and Rey could hear both the pain and the hope in her voice. “Why now?”

Rey imagined the tears that would be sheening Leia’s eyes right now, and she ached to be next to her, to put her hand on her shoulder, to hold her hand in hers and tell her it would all be okay. She pondered Leia’s question. While she couldn’t claim to know all the ins and outs of Ben’s complicated motivations, she did at least understand his core reasoning. 

“He no longer believes in the mission of the First Order,” she told Leia. “He wants them to govern the galaxy as credible leaders. They simply want to wage war and rule through violence and oppression. He’s at odds with all of the leadership over it.”

“And the darkness within him?” Leia asked tentatively, her voice wavering. Rey understood what Leia was actually asking - _Has my son turned from the dark side?_. 

“Oh Leia,” Rey responded eagerly. “If only you could see him as I have. The light is burning within him so strongly.” She heard the General catch her breath through the fizz of the static. “The dark is there too, but now he’s seeking a balance between the two.”

There was a thoughtful silence from the other end of the line, 

“Is he coming home?” Leia asked hesitantly, and Rey felt a stab of sadness for her. 

“Not yet,” Rey told her. “I am meeting him on Ahch-To. He’ll be safe from the Order there. I can work with him on helping him to gain balance. I think….I think he will come home eventually. I think he just needs a little time. And of course, he is naturally concerned about the consequences of his return,” Rey added. 

Leia made a humming noise. “Indeed. But leave that to me to worry about. The first thing is to give them the news that Kyl- _my son_ has turned so thoroughly that he is acting to sabotage as much of the First Order as he can.”

“Yes, that’s what I thought,” Rey said eagerly. “And they can also be told that it was really him who killed Snoke. He’s also willing to provide the Resistance with intelligence.”

Leia hummed again thoughtfully. “He will have to answer for his crimes in some way. But it’s important to consider what a powerful ally he might make. If we had two Jedi-”

“-He’s not a Jedi,” Rey interrupted, echoing Ben’s words from his last conversation. “But he _is_ a Force user. He needs time though Leia, I don’t know how long.”

Leia seemed to dismiss the timing of his full return home as unimportant. “I understand,” she told Rey. And then, “I have no doubt that this is in no small measure due to the bond between the two of you. Thank you Rey. Thank you for being there for my son, for believing in him.”

Rey could sense a lingering question in Leia's voice, a curiosity about exactly what the nature of the relationship between the last Jedi and the former Supreme Leader was. Rey didn’t fear any judgement from the General, but she was still reluctant to reveal the exact nature of the connection between the two of them. It was a fledgling thing, still vulnerable and precious to her in a way she never could have predicted, and she felt strangely protective over it. 

“Ben has become… _important_ to me,” she finally admitted, letting Leia read from that whatever she wished. 

“I am very glad to hear it Rey,” Leia told her in a warm tone. Rey could almost see the knowing look that would be plastered across her face at that moment, and she knew then that she had given enough away for the General to draw the correct conclusion about hers and Ben’s connection. She blushed in the privacy of the Falcon, glad that nobody could see her. 

Leia’s tone turned practical, and Rey knew she was once again speaking to the General of the Resistance. “When is it happening?”

“Within the next few days,” Rey told her. “The timing isn’t certain.”

“Comm in when it happens. I’ll brief the others then,” Leia told her. “We’re constantly in contact with potential allies, but there’s a great deal of fear about the First Order which has been stopping people from joining with us fully. This could make a crucial difference. They’ll see that the First Order can be made vulnerable, that they can be beaten.” Her tone turned soft, and she spoke as if in wonderment. “This act of my son’s could create the vital moment that the Resistance needs. I wonder if he realises that.”

Rey had ended the conversation with the General shortly afterwards. Then she had spent the next two days anxiously practicing the Forms she had learned from the Jedi texts, attempting to meditate, running the hilly pathways of the island until she was gasping for breath and waiting for the moment when everything would change. 

*

The waves broke against the pebbled beach she was currently sitting on, the noise punctuated by the cry of the porgs from the steep cliffside behind her. Rey lay back, wriggling her body to make a dip in the small pebbles, creating a nest for herself amongst the warm stones and closing her eyes.The current of the Force tugged and shifted as she spread her awareness out into it, it felt as though the destiny of the galaxy was turning on a pin head, as though everything was balanced on one vital moment. The immensity of the shift made her feel fearful and slightly breathless. Instinctively, she turned to the bond for comfort, as she had developed the habit of doing. She touched the golden thread which was anchored inside her, and reached out to sense Ben’s presence. She was suddenly gripped by a feeling of alarm which shot through all her nerves, making her fingers twitch, and her heart start pounding with adrenaline. Where before she had found him present and well, albeit strangely distracted, this time she could sense fear, pain, and the all too familiar consuming rage. Cold dread shot through her, and she instantly clawed her way along their connection, trying to reach him. 

As she scrambled along their bond, the sounds of the island faded away, and the smell of burnt ozone drifted into her nostrils, the unmistakable smell of blaster fire combined with the coppery scent of blood. She pulled on the bond harder, willing herself to be with him, and the Force at last responded to her desperate reaching, tugging on the core of her to bring her crashing into his reality with a disorienting speed. 

“Get down!” Ben’s voice was ragged and breathless as he pulled her into the alcove behind him, and she went stumbling to the floor, just as a shot of blaster fire whizzed past, narrowly missing her.

She looked up at him. His eyes were wild and his hair a mess. Blood dripped down the side of his face from some type of head wound, and one of his arms had a cauterised gash where he had been grazed by blaster fire. One hand was raised, trembling as he tried to maintain some sort of Force defense. His eyes were filled with rage, and for a moment she almost shrunk from this version of Ben...Kylo...that she was all too familiar with from their fight in the forest on Starkiller. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked angrily, holstering his lightsaber and grabbing hold of her shoulder with his free hand, looking down at her. “You can’t be here right now. It isn’t safe!”

“No kidding,” she responded wryly.

“I’m serious Rey, you need to find a way to go back.” He gave her a little shake. “It isn’t safe,” he repeated. 

“You know I don’t know how to just _go back_ ,” she responded hotly. “I’m here so I might as well help. I’m assuming things didn’t pan out like you expected?”

He let her go, raising an eyebrow, “Clearly,” he replied sardonically. “I was all set to leave today and on my way to the hangar when it all went to hell. Kriffing Hux. He decided to make his move. I don’t know if he suspected something.” 

She noticed then that his whole body was trembling with effort, and that she could feel the Force resonating from him and streaming down the corridor behind them. She closed her eyes and sent her awareness following the pathway of the energy around the side of the alcove, and down the corridor to find Stormtroopers jumbled against a Force barrier that had clearly been hastily erected and that Ben was maintaining. 

“Show me,” she demanded urgently, and he used the bond to open up himself to her offering up the information, which she then smoothly plucked from his mind. She quickly understood from him the mechanics of how to erect and maintain a Force barrier. She closed her eyes and extended her hand, letting the light stream through her. Though she was unpracticed at this particular application of the Force, the energy between her and Ben wove together immediately, entwining and strengthening automatically. The Force barrier became stronger and more stable at once. 

“It won’t last forever,” he told her.

“I know,” she replied looking up at him. _Let me help you_ she pressed at him through the bond. _Let me fight with you._

The thud of boots echoed ominously from the opposite direction down the corridor, the two squadrons of Stormtroopers who had been firing on him when he arrived starting to advance, encouraged by the delay that Rey had caused.

He gave her a silent assent, and the admonishment _Be careful!_. Then as one they stepped from the alcove, lighting their sabres in perfect synchronicity, blue and red blazing before them and casting ghostly purple glow over the angles of their faces. 

She grinned at him before she ran forwards. From behind her she felt Ben perform a Force-pull on the troopers. The first couple of rows staggered forwards, caught off balance as their blasters flew from their hands, and Rey quickly scooped one up before kicking another backwards towards Ben. He was only half a second behind her, and both of them surged into battle, weaving and deflecting blaster bolts with their sabres, alternately slashing at and firing on their enemies. 

Sandwiched between the Stormtroopers trapped beyond the force barrier behind them and the squadron in front of them they fought like furies, whirling and ducking, cutting through the hapless troopers. She glimpsed him from the corner of her eye, spinning and slashing, his face caught in the rictus of a battle grin. He looked terrifying and demonic. He looked furious and lethal. He looked like _Kylo Ren_ , and as she ducked another bolt, she had to remind herself that he wasn’t Kylo Ren any more - he answered to Ben Solo now, and he was currently fighting _against_ the First Order. 

They cut their way through the group of stormtroopers, blades shearing through white plastoid composite, dropping them mercilessly as they went. The sickly smell of seared flesh rose into Rey’s nostrils, the familiar scent of battle. Eventually, the last of them fell to the floor and the corridor cleared, filled now only with the shouts coming from beyond the wall of trapped troopers, now further behind them. Rey looked to Ben.

“How far is the hangar?” She gasped at him urgently. 

“Not far,” he answered, wiping at the blood running down his face with his sleeve. “It’s just off the next corridor,” he gestured to the right where the corridor branched off in a t-junction.

The distant sound of boots began to echo again, bouncing off the walls of the corridors around them. Rey closed her eyes for a moment, threading her consciousness through the Force. Three squadrons of troopers were, unfortunately, advancing down the corridor which led to the entrance to the hangar. They needed to move now if they were to make it. However, the further they got away from the force barrier they were both fighting to maintain, the weaker and harder to hold onto it would become. If it fell, they might find themselves in close quarters between the oncoming squadrons and however many troopers were currently confined in the corridor by the Force. They were trapped, with no choice but to stand their ground where they were, maintain the barrier, and fight their way through the next thirty troopers. 

Rey grasped instinctively for Ben’s hand, and as their fingers wrapped together the energy of the bond suddenly surged between them. She drew on his strength, and he on hers, exchanging energy between their palms and fingers. She could feel his grim determination to make it off this ship, his urge to make it to her currently overriding any other motivations for leaving. She could sense his raging fury with Hux, and the sticky sensation of the darkness currently covering him, called to him by the battle and by his pain. It wrapped him, yet its blackness was tempered by veins of blinding light that grew from his center. 

She knew too that he could feel her fear for him, fear that he would be killed fighting here in these corridors while she lay on a pebbled beach tens of thousands of miles away, and that she would never see him again; her fear that their connection would dissipate before the conflict was over, and that she wouldn’t be able to help him any more.

He pulled her in sharply for a quick kiss, making her squeak in surprise, before grinning at her. 

“I’ll get out of this, sweetheart, I’ve fought my way out of worse than this before,” he told her.

He reminded her so strongly of Han in that moment, but she tamped down on the thought quickly. The last thing he needed was to get into a spiral of guilt right now.

As the troopers rounded the corridor, she sent another pulse of energy through the connection she was maintaining to the Force barrier, hoping it would hold strong. If not, the both of them would be sandwiched between an unknown number of troopers. She spun away from his arms just as the squadrons started firing. Ben threw out his left hand stopping their blaster bolts dead, burning cylinders of bright light that hung in the air fizzing and sparking.

Rey Force-pushed against the front ranks, sending them tumbling back, just as Ben pulled as many blasters from them as he could. It bought them the brief moments they needed, and they ran forwards, both of them deflecting the few sparse blaster bolts that were left with their blades, only for the bolts to be sent straight back into the mass of white plastoid currently charging at them down the corridor. 

Then once again, they were spinning and weaving around each other, felling foes left and right, and Rey was seized by a savage joy at fighting together with her bond-mate, an exhilaration at the way they moved so effortlessly around each other. Quarters were cramped, and it would have all too easy to burn themselves on the whirling sabers if they weren’t so perfectly synchronised. Instead it was as if they were in an elegant but lethal dance which both of them knew the moves to instinctively, so closely linked were their minds in this moment.

Eventually the floor lay littered with bodies, and she felt Ben send a last pulse of energy to the Force barrier, before he turned to her, uttering just one word. 

“Run.”

They hurtled down the corridor, force-jumping over bodies as they went, careening round the corner just as the noise of boots came echoing ominously again. 

_Faster!_ Kylo urged her silently, too out of breath to talk, his long strides carrying him ahead of her by a few metres. He bolted through a door to his left, just as the next squadron rounded the corridor ahead of them, and at the same moment she felt the Force barrier they had erected break.

She sped up, and he was there in the doorway reaching for her. A blaster bolt hit her in the upper arm just as he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hangar bay, and she breathed in sharply at the savage burn of it. She glanced at it quickly as he closed the doors behind them. It was a graze, but a deep one, and the rest of her arm felt numb and tingly as she moved it around experimentally, wincing in pain. Thank goodness it wasn’t her saber arm.

Ben was busily engaged in slashing at the control panel of the door with his saber in a bid to keep it locked, and so she saw them before he did. 

His Command Shuttle was parked on the opposite side of the hangar, dark and imposing, but between it and them stood three intimidating figures. Dressed all in black, masked, wielding cruel looking weapons, Ben supplied her with the answer to who they were just as she came to the same conclusion herself.

“Knights of Ren,” he he whispered. “Kriff. They’re supposed to be off planet. Hux must have recalled them.”

“Kylo Ren,” one of them called across the hangar, voice raspy and metallic through his helmet. 

“Trudgen,” Ben acknowledged grimly. 

The man was holding an absolutely huge vibro-cleaver, and wore a broken black mask resembling a Stormtrooper’s, over which a dark hood was pulled. 

_He killed a Death trooper single handedly. No mean feat. He’s the strongest of the three, so he will likely attack me,_ Ben told her, silently. _They are all adept in the dark side of the Force, but untrained, so their powers are weak. No match for yours, though they are all lethal in combat._

“ _Jedi,_ ” hissed the man next to him, stepping forward slightly, and turning his masked face to Rey. He had what looked like an executioner’s axe grasped loosely in his hand. 

_Ap’lek,_ Ben supplied. _If you get entangled with him, watch for his misdirections. He’s a deceptive fighter._

“Ah, so it is true,” Trudgen said roughly. “We half wondered if Hux was having us for fools when he called us back here, saying you were turning back to the light. But here you are, with a little Jedi bitch in tow.”

She felt Ben tense next to her at the insult, and she put her hand on his arm soothingly. _Not yet,_ she told him.

The third man laughed derisively. “Looks like she’s got you well trained Ren...or is it Ben now?” He looked from one of them to the other, as if curious, although Rey couldn’t guess at what the man might possibly be thinking under that stark mask. 

“She has some type of hold on you doesn’t she?... There's something between the two of you in the Force.” He swung his mean looking club menacingly. “Not for much longer though, eh?” He pointed his club at Rey. “You’ll be screaming before this day is through, Jedi bitch.”

 _Ushar,_ Ben told her. _He’s the weakest of the three, but still lethal. He enjoys other people's pain. He’d rather kill slowly. His club is fitted with concussion vector vanes, try not to let him get a hit on you._

She nodded slowly, as the three men advanced on them, both her and Ben falling into a defensive stance. 

_Don’t you dare die Ben Solo,_ she told him.

 _Wasn’t planning on it,_ he shot back at her. _Rey...please be careful. They can hurt you just as easily as if you were really here. The bond doesn’t make you immune._ He mentally gestured at her wounded arm.

 _I know, I’ll be as careful as anyone can be when they’re facing down three masked psychopaths,_ she told him, as they separated out, giving each other the space to swing. 

And then the Knight of Ren were upon them. 

Trudgen and Ap’lek made a beeline for Ben, leaving her to contend with Ushar. She felt a cold fear begin to crawl up her spine, paralysing her momentarily, before she recognised it as a Force trick, and shoved it away easily. 

“You’ll have to try harder than that,” she told him. 

In response he swung his club down towards her right shoulder. She brought her saber up immediately with both hands wrapped around its hilt, and the glowing blue blade sparked at the contact. He danced back away from her, and she followed him, warily circling. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the crimson of Ben’s blade swinging and arcing through the air faster than she would have thought possible, and she sent up a silent prayer to the Force to keep him safe, before forcing herself to focus.

Ushar pulled a vibro-machete from a holster on his chest, twirling it showily in his hand, and Rey just _knew_ that he was grinning under that hideous helmet. He moved in to attack again, swinging the machete at her. She blocked with her saber, holding off the following blow from his club with the Force. She felt him push back against her Force-hold, but his powers were relatively weak, and the club only descended another couple of centimetres towards her. 

So intent was she on holding off both club and machete at once, that she was unprepared when he kicked her feet from under her. Rey instinctively rolled to the side, just as the machete came down onto the hangar deck, where she had fallen only milliseconds earlier. She flipped to her feet, then with a scream, force pushed him as hard as she could. The man went tumbling head over foot across the deck, giving her the space and time to look desperately across at Ben. 

He was fighting for his life, the combined power of the two Knights a fairly even match for him, and even as she watched she realised they were backing him into the corner of the deck. She threw out her hand and Force-pulled, sending one of the Knights stumbling away from him and buying Ben the time he needed to manoeuvre his way out of the corner.

 _Concentrate!_ he hissed at her through the force, and Rey spun to find Ushar bearing down on her at a run. 

She gathered the force to her, and then jumped, flipping through the air to land behind him, the tip of her saber slashing a line across his back. He howled in anger, before spinning and pointing his club at her. “You’ll pay for that,” he promised her, before setting upon her with a flurry of blows from both club and machete. 

Rey was hard pressed to defend herself as the blows rained down upon her. She surrendered herself to the Force, letting her arms move instinctively almost as if of their own volition, alternately parrying with her saber and pushing away blows with the Force. He was moving her backwards though, bearing down on her relentlessly, and Rey wasn’t sure how indefinitely she could keep this up. When he unexpectedly brought his elbow up into her face, she was sure she could actually feel the sound of her cheekbone crack, and her eyes were momentarily blinded with tears of pain. She stumbled back. _This is it,_ she thought. _This is where I die._

She blinked furiously as Ushar advanced on her, trying to clear her vision.

She had kept a peripheral part of her awareness on Ben and the other Knights, so she felt the moment that Trudgen’s life force flickered out. Ushar stumbled for a moment, momentarily dropping his guard, as his fellow Knight’s death rippled through to him via the Force, and Rey took that opportunity to plunge her saber into his chest. She was aiming for the heart and her aim was off due to the tears in her eyes, but it still did the job. He dropped to the floor, howling in pain and rage, and she wiped at her eyes with her hand, before following with a thrust to the heart, accurately this time. 

She ran immediately to Ben and the remaining Knight, who was currently cursing at him in rage over the loss of his brothers.

Ben looked ruined. Rey didn’t know exactly how long he'd been fighting for before she got there, but he looked utterly exhausted and was breathing heavily. One of his eyes was beginning to close up with swelling, and he was spitting blood onto the floor. She could see that he was heavily favouring his left leg as he readied himself wearily to face Ap’lek’s axe. She knew she couldn’t get there fast enough to help him, and so without even thinking, Rey hurled her saber at the knight. It went spinning through the air, the blade flashing, before lodging itself in the knight’s back. He toppled forwards at Ben’s feet, and her bond-mate looked up at her in surprise. 

She ran to him quickly, coming to a halt before him, reluctant to throw herself into his arms lest she worsen any of his injuries. His fingers came up and ghosted over her already swelling cheek.

“If he wasn’t already dead, he would die for that,” he vowed to her, and she rolled her eyes at his attempt at chivalry, before offering him a relieved smile. He seemed pained when he breathed, and she reached for him, concerned. 

He waved her away. “It’s nothing, just some cracked ribs. I have a medical bay on the command shuttle,” he glanced towards the hangar bay door, where the telltale signs of a laser torch were beginning to spark around its edges. “Let’s move,” he demanded.

They ran for the shuttle, Ben distinctly slowed by whatever damage he had sustained to his leg. They clattered up the ramp, Ben dashing through to the cockpit while Rey collapsed at the top of the ramp, legs wobbly with the waning of the adrenaline that the fight had brought on. She felt the hum of the ship through the floor beneath her as it powered up, and she glimpsed the troopers break through the hangar entrance just as the ramp of the command shuttle hissed closed. 

As she felt the shuttle begin to manoeuvre its way out of the hangar, the sound of blaster bolts peppered the body of the shuttle, and Rey prayed that they wouldn’t damage anything vital. They were so kriffing close to him being free, that to lose it all at this moment would be unbearable. However, she soon felt the telltale pull on her insides as the shuttle began to accelerate out of the hangar and into the freedom of space. She sighed in relief, and hauled herself up, going to find Ben. 

He was sitting in the cockpit on the captain’s chair, one hand moving deftly over the controls, and she collapsed heavily into the co-pilot's seat. 

“I introduced a virus to the weapons systems on all the ships,” he muttered. “All the turbolasers and ion-cannons are currently disabled. They won’t be able to fire on us.”

She nodded wearily and looked over at him. He had a remote detonator clasped in one hand as he maneuvered the ship around with the other. For a moment she caught her breath, a brief moment of anxiety flashing through her that he was going to rescind on his plan to blow up the flagship fleet. But he must have caught the drift of her anxiety through the bond as he glanced over at her, giving her a slight smile.

“Don’t worry, the plan still stands.” 

She smiled at him guiltily. “Sorry, I know I can trust you, it’s just old habits.”

He nodded. “It’s okay. In time you’ll come to see that I’m on your side.”

Rey knew that he didn’t mean the side of the Resistance. He had said it when they had last connected on the Millenium Falcon and were discussing where he would go after he left the First Order: _I’m not sure i want to be on anybody’s side. At least nobody’s but ours._ He meant her and him of course, the both of them as a unit together. 

Ben was bringing the shuttle around to face the fleet, his expression thoughtful. “All those years I spent under the First Order, all for nothing. I never thought there would be anything in the galaxy better for me than that.” He looked at her, his eyes shining. “And then I found you.”

Rey felt tears start in her eyes, and she blinked them back, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. They held each other’s gaze for a moment, and Rey tried to send to him through the bond just how much his words had suffused her with warmth and comfort. His eyes grew soft, and he smiled at her. 

Eventually his eyes drifted back in front, and Rey followed his gaze and looked out to see the flagship fleet, now some distance away, spread out across the black of space.

Ben’s thumb hovered over the detonator button, and though she could feel no conflict in him about what he had to do, his face still looked troubled. Gently, she slid her hand around his hand, placed her thumb on top of his.

 _Together,_ she told him silently.

 _Together,_ he agreed. 

And then they pushed the button. 

The ships in front of them bloomed with orange explosions, like giant flowers spreading their petals out against the ink black. Each ship was peppered with blasts from bow to aft, and Rey watched open mouthed as the line of explosions spread over each ship. 

“How many bombs did you plant?”

“Enough,” he whispered. 

They watched silently as the fires on the starships spread, as they began to tilt crazily, as parts broke away from them and secondary explosions blew out parts of their hulls. 

Eventually, Ben brought the shuttle around and pressed a few buttons, before looking at her expectantly. Rey reached forward, quickly programming in the coordinates for Ahch-To, and with that sudden jolt they were suddenly at light speed, the star lines streaming past the window in front of them.

The silence between them lingered as the reality of what had happened set in. They had done it, Rey realised. No, _he_ had done it. He had finally left his past behind, and even as she could sense the darkness in him, she could also sense a rising light and an exhilarating joy and freedom coursing through him. She turned to him, her heart full and so so proud of him. 

He turned to look at her, the light in him overflowing and wrapping them both, sharing in this victory with her. “ _We_ did it,” he told her triumphantly. “We’re on our way to you. I mean I'm on my way to you. How would that even work?” He passed his hand tiredly over his face, smearing the blood that still dripped from his head. “I’m so exhausted, I can’t think.”

He reached for her, pulling her over to his seat and into his lap for a half hug, but she could feel through the bond the way that the press of her against him pained his damaged ribs, and she pulled back. 

“Medical supplies?” She asked, and he gestured down the corridor. She exited the cockpit and led the way down the centre of the ship, peering into an open-doored room as she passed, surprised to see sleeping quarters. 

“Here,” he told her, a hand on her shoulder guiding her instead into an alcove with a simple wheeled stretcher and counters and cupboards stacked with medical supplies. He rummaged in the cupboards, grabbing a few supplies. Rey reached out to take them from him, but he shook his head. “You first.” he gestured to the stretcher. His injuries were much worse, and she opened her mouth to argue with him, but he just gave her a _look_ which made her close it, and hop up onto the stretcher instead. 

He tended to her wounds carefully, muttering “Sorry” as she winced at the disinfectant across her blaster burn. 

“This is quite deep,” he muttered as he smeared bacta ointment across it, before finally sealing it with a bacta patch. “It should heal okay though.” He swiped ointment tenderly across her swollen cheek, and she could immediately feel an easing in the sharp ache there as it sunk into her skin. 

“I’m going to give you some ointment and patches to take back to the island with you,” he told her seriously as he tenderly cradled her cheek. 

She nodded at him. “Okay, sounds good. You next.” She hopped down from the stretcher, exchanging places with him. “Off,” she said, blushing a little as she tugged at his outer garments. 

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Trying to get me naked already, scavenger?”

The way he said the word ‘scavenger’, something he used as a former insult, was exceedingly tender, almost as if it had become a term of endearment. Rey flushed from the roots of her hair, right the way down to her toes. It was part embarrassment, part arousal, and she forced herself to breathe slowly through her nose. She gave him a glare that she imagined could have melted steel, and he gave her a roguish half smile back, before standing and stripping off his outer garments. 

Rey had seen his body a number of times before due to the Force's penchant for bringing them together when he was only partially clothed. It never got any less distracting though. She averted her eyes from his sculpted muscles, but her attention was grabbed by him stripping off his pants and revealing a long and ugly looking deep laceration to his right thigh. 

She hissed through her teeth. “Ow. That looks bad.”

He shrugged as if it were of no consequence. “Ultra-sonic vibro-blade. Dangerous things.”

He sat on the stretcher and Rey began tending to his wounds, generously applying disinfectant and smearing bacta ointment across the more superficial wounds and bruises. But when she came to his thigh, things got...distracting. She tried desperately to ignore the hard muscle under his skin, that shifted beneath her fingers as she worked on the long cut, and not to think about the fact that she was touching him in places that she never had before. He coughed nervously and shifted in his seat as she worked on him, and she realised he was just as self conscious as she was, if not more.

“So,” he said, a little awkwardly. “Ahch-To.”

She glanced up at him, glad of the distraction from the way her fingers felt on his skin. “Yep. It’s a force nexus, both light and dark. The perfect place for you to try and find some balance.”

“And we can train together?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course,” she answered. “That’s one of the things I’m looking forward to the most. Especially now I’ve got my saber back in working order.”

“Ah, you fixed it!” He winced slightly as she worked on his leg.

“Oops sorry. And yes, exactly the way that you taught me. It’s in perfect working order.” She applied the long strip of bacta patch to his leg wound, attaching it securely. 

“Think you can best me then?” he asked with that slightly arrogant tone in his voice that she had come to know so well, but which she knew masked the real vulnerability underneath. 

She looked up at him cheekily. “Have done before. Don’t see why I couldn't do again.”

“Really?” He looked down at her, amused. 

“Really,” she said firmly, smiling up at him even as she realised that her hand was still lingering on his thigh. She began to pull it away and stand, but he caught her wrist as she straightened and maneuvered her so that she was standing between his legs and facing him as he sat there. 

His other hand came up around her waist, pulling her in possessively, and her heart stuttered a little as his lips brushed hers with just the gentlest of touches, before pulling her into an embrace. 

“I can't wait to see you,” he murmured into her shoulder. “I mean, for real, in person.” he lifted his head so that his lips just brushed the shell of her ear. “I can’t wait to touch you.”

His voice was full of promise, and a happy shiver went through Rey’s body at his words, the feel of his lips on her ear and the sound of his breath. Heat pooled in her lower belly. Her mind emptied of thought, and she was desperately trying to think of an answer to that, when she heard the briefest whisper of the sound of waves lapping on a shore. With that she felt the connection between them start to fade. 

She pulled back and looked at him. “Soon,” she promised. 

He nodded. “Soon.”

She was about to go in for a kiss when she was suddenly snapped back to the little pebbled beach on Ahch-To, leaving her lips wanting against the salty air. She huffed a little in frustration, but then reminded herself that he would be there with her in person, in just two days. 

She could scarcely believe it had all worked out how they had planned - well, with a few hiccups along the way, but she could live with that. Both of them had got off lightly considering they’d had to fight their way off the ship. She began to climb the steep pathway up from the beach to the clifftop, nesting porgs warbling as her in warning as she passed by their cliffside nests. 

The first thing that she needed to do was to comm Leia and report in, to tell her that everything had worked out the way they had planned and that the General could finally brief the rest of the Resistance on the destruction of the First Order’s command, and on Ben Solo's turn. Though she knew her friends would be suspicious of his turn, she also knew that they would delight in the destruction of the First Order fleet, and that this evening there would be celebrations on Ajan-Kloss and the alcohol - if they had any - would flow freely. 

For herself, she was planning for her final night alone on the island because tomorrow, everything would change. 

Kylo Ren, tyrant and leader of the First Order was no more. 

Ben Solo was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley always makes me think of Ben's redemption
> 
> _  
> Out of the night that covers me,  
>  Black as the pit from pole to pole,  
> I thank whatever gods may be  
> For my unconquerable soul._
> 
> _In the fell clutch of circumstance  
>  I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
> Under the bludgeonings of chance  
> My head is bloody, but unbowed._
> 
> _Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
>  Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
> And yet the menace of the years  
> Finds and shall find me unafraid._
> 
> _It matters not how strait the gate,  
>  How charged with punishments the scroll,  
> I am the master of my fate,  
> I am the captain of my soul.  
> _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben arrives to join Rey on Ahch-To.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut begins in this chapter :) These two are so adorable together, they are killing me!
> 
> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

It would be eighteen long hours through hyperspace until he arrived at Ahch-To, and Ben knew that he needed to rest. The last few tumultuous hours of stress, violence, and fighting to just survive had been draining and his legs were slightly wobbly as he walked to his small cramped sleeping area on the command shuttle. He really should sleep - he had been awake for far too long, so long that he couldn’t even remember when he had last slept - however he was keyed up from both the fight they had just gone through, and from Rey’s proximity. His heart was still thudding like a drum against the walls of his chest, and all his nerves thrummed as if on fire. He felt restless, his mind a whirling mess that was part disbelief, part excitement and part absolute terror of the unknown. For the first time in a long while, Ben felt without purpose. There was no clear path ahead, no concrete mission objectives to focus on, no galaxy to make anew. Just his own company, and the girl who awaited him on a green island in the midst of a rolling blue sea.

He lay down wearily on the black sheets of the small bed, not bothering to even take off his boots. He wondered if he had ever before in his life had this level of freedom to forge his own pathway forwards. When he was a young boy, he had felt the heavy weight of carrying the bloodline of the heroes of the Rebellion against the Empire. There were other people’s hopes to live up to, and he knew from a young age that things beyond the ordinary would be expected of him. He knew that his mother had once expected him to follow in her footsteps and work for the New Republic, as she did. His father had been ambivalent about that idea, instead training him from an early age on the basics of piloting a spacecraft, probably secretly hoping that he would instead follow his path in life. He had felt restricted and hemmed in by both of these conflicting visions for his future, and he had wondered if they ever considered what it was that he actually wanted for himself.

From as far back as he could remember, he was plagued by the blackest of nightmares and an - at first - unnameable sly whisper in his head. As he grew, the confusion and anxiety inside him, the pull between light and dark, had evolved into unpredictable manifestations of his Force powers. He had sensed the numb fear in his mother’s mind when, at only six years old, he’d had a fit of temper which brought about an explosion of Force energy so violent he had inadvertently crumpled the metal skull of a protocol droid. He had seen the way his parents looked at him as he grew older, surlier, angrier, and more introspective - as if they couldn’t believe they had created a monster such as him.

The expectations that he would follow in either of his parent’s footsteps had been broken by both his increasingly introverted and volatile nature, and by his lack of control over the Force within him. Increasingly, there would be days when the whispers in his head became overwhelming, days when he felt most disillusioned with life and struggled the most deeply with the darkness within. On those days he would become agitated, his parents unable to soothe him, and Force energy would explode from him with varying results. When his parents ultimately sent him away, he had at first felt unspeakably betrayed. But following that there was also a rare sense of freedom as his destiny was at last unshackled from theirs. However, he found that their expectations had simply been replaced by a strict series of rules: the code of the Jedi as taught at Luke’s temple. Once again, his future had been mapped out, defined and decided by others - both the members of his family and the edicts of a long dead order. 

For a brief period he had thrived at the temple. Although he avoided his fellow students as much as possible, still preferring his own company and to keep those around him at arm's length, he found comfort in the light that his uncle had guided him to harness. He had gained control over his Force outbursts, and for a time - though he resented being yoked to a path he hadn’t chosen - he had found some measure of happiness and stability. As the years went by and he grew older, he had found a particular satisfaction in helping to teach the younger padawans, finding that he adapted well to the role. However the nightly bad dreams had continued, as had the voice in his head - and as time went by, it grew in volume, becoming both louder and stronger. That voice became intimately familiar to him over those years, often soothing him with its darkness at his most difficult moments. He found himself turning to the voice for solace and for guidance. He found comfort in its lulling tones when it whispered to him of being Chosen, of a greater destiny in store for him in the future. And finally, once he trusted it, it had told him its name. _Snoke_.

Then his uncle had tried to kill him, and his fate was sealed.

He had gone running headlong to Snoke and the First Order, believing that for once he was making his own decisions and deciding his own future. His head had been filled with a greater ambition and a clearer purpose, and that calmed and centred him in a way he had never quite felt throughout his childhood and adolescence. 

Now, though, when he looked back and tracked through the memories of Snoke’s insidious voice in his head for years upon years, he could see that it was merely the machinations and manipulations of his old master that had convinced him of what he wanted. His life had gone in a direction that he, once again, hadn’t chosen for himself. Becoming the Supreme Leader had ultimately been an extension of the path that Snoke had set him upon.

But now, with the soft hum of the command shuttle around him as it moved through lightspeed he realised that this… _this,_ he had actually chosen for himself, and with it he had opened a wide horizon of possibility he couldn’t even have guessed at before. Who was he, really, without the mask, without the titles, without all of the trappings that came with the dark path he had been walking for the last six years?

Ben started at the black panelled ceiling and pondered. For so long he had been unused to listening to his own inner voice, instead being guided by the voices of others. Even while he had been Supreme Leader, Snoke’s voice and teachings had still resonated in his mind, assessing, judging, guiding. Now that he could finally listen to his own voice, he found that he didn’t really know what he wanted, didn’t know who he was or where he wanted to go in his life. There was only one single thing that he was sure of, and that was Rey. Ever since he’d come upon her, she had been like a beacon burning brightly, even amidst all his darkness, and she had drawn him inexorably towards her with her light and warmth. Now he was flying to her, an arrow to its target, the only thing in the galaxy he had certainty that he wanted. He knew this much: he wanted to be with her and to be worthy of her. He wanted to make her smile, to be her strength when things got too dark, to be her partner through adversity and her hope in the blackest of times. He wanted to explore this bond between them and discover its full potential together. Ultimately, he would need to find his own voice beyond that, but for now that was enough. 

Eventually, Ben slept. 

*

A beeping suddenly woke him from a long and dreamless sleep. He jerked upright in the bed, and for a brief confusing moment he thought he was back on board the flagship carrying the heavy crown of being Supreme Leader. His mind was immediately suffused with the blackness and the smouldering frustration he had felt back there as part of the First Order. But then, gloriously, it all came back to him, and the blackness was washed clean away with the realisation that he was finally free and that Rey awaited him. He instantly felt lighter, felt that unfamiliar flutter of hope in his chest, and the heady mix of both fear and exhilaration.

He looked at the chronometer, noting with shock that he had slept for a full twelve hours - more than he had slept in years. His body felt strange to him, still heavy with sleep, yet strangely alert, as though unused to so much rest. He rolled from the bed, wiping the tiredness from his eyes, and headed into the cockpit to silence the proximity warning. Seconds later, the craft dropped out of lightspeed, and Ben peered out of the front window of the shuttle. The planet of Ahch-To hung in the sky before him, an azure jewel against the darkness, making its slow orbit around a binary star system. From this distance, the planet looked like it was entirely covered in water, but Ben knew from glimpses he had seen in Rey’s mind that the place was dotted with single small lonely islands and with long strands of archipelagos, all across its surface. He had the precise coordinates for a particular one of those islands on the vast planet, programmed into the shuttle by Rey when he had last seen her.

As the craft descended through the hazy atmosphere he could feel the bond grow stronger with their proximity. He could sense her anticipation and excitement, and it was a shared feeling which flowed between the two of them easily at this distance. For a moment, the deep undercurrent of self-doubt which always seemed to dwell inside him, pulled him under. Would it be the same when they finally saw each other in the flesh? Would he live up to her expectations? Would she still _want_ him? Would he end up letting her down, just as he had let down every other person he was close to in his life? Would the first thing he had ever truly chosen for himself - _her_ \- ultimately end up eaten up by the darkness inside him? He didn’t know. All he truly knew was that when he was with her, the darkness within was more quiescent, and that he felt a peace that he had never felt before. 

He expertly manipulated the controls, descending through the intermittent rainclouds that swathed this area of the planet, racing over the undulating waves and the islands that dotted them. The twin suns hung low in the sky, fat and orange. their rays reflecting off the bottom of clouds in copper and bronze tones. He felt the bond surge as the speck of one particular island appeared on the horizon and Rey caught sight of his ship. He watched intently as he approached the island that was his final destination and his home-to-be for who knew how long. It didn’t look like much, considering it was the birthplace of the Jedi order. It was small and unassuming, craggy rocks emerging from the sea like a giant’s teeth, steep grassy hills which rose to a jagged rocky peak where he could just about see the remains of what must be the ancient Jedi temple. 

He used the bond to guide him in to her like a beacon. Eventually he caught sight of the unmistakable shape of the parked Millenium Falcon and swallowed down a sudden surge of emotion. A small figure stood next to the hulking heap of metal and at the first distant sight of Rey, his mouth went dry with nerves and his heart pounded so loud he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. She was waiting on a flat rocky area with enough space for him to land the shuttle right next to the Falcon, and she waved eagerly as he drew closer. He piloted the ship in and landed it smoothly, before pulling on his cloak and hefting his travel bag onto his shoulder. It was filled with the meagre belongings he had decided to bring with him and consisted mostly of changes of clothes and a selection of tools from his workbench that he used for adjusting his saber, and that he thought might come in useful. He had pondered bringing the few Sith holocrons he possessed with him, but had decided that they would be better off blasted to smithereens along with the rest of the fleet. 

Ben depressed the switch that operated the ramp of the command shuttle, and when it hissed open there was a sudden rush of cool air and wild sound. The scent of the sea was unmistakable, as was the noise of seabirds and the crash of waves beating against the cliff below. He inhaled deeply, grateful for fresh air in his lungs after weeks spent in the sterile recycled air of a starship. He descended the ramp, his eyes eager to cast sight on her, and no sooner had he stepped onto the cold rock than she was running towards him. He opened his arms to her, some unnameable emotion stirring deep inside him, and she actually fully _jumped_ into his embrace, folding her legs around his sides and burying her face in his neck as his palms slid under her thighs to support her. 

“You’re here,” she said into his shoulder, and he could hear the tears in her voice. 

“I’m here,” he agreed, and then she was pulling back, looking at him with shining eyes. 

Her hair was in its traditional three buns, but pieces had come undone, leaving strands of hair that whipped around her face in the strong wind. He wanted to brush them away tenderly, tuck them carefully behind her ears, but his hands were otherwise occupied with supporting her weight at the moment, so he settled for just looking at her. Everything seemed more _real_ , more vibrant than it had done through their bond encounters. There was a weight and a warmth to her that was just _more_ , reminding him of the last time they had been together in the throne room on the Supremacy. There was a sharpness to the lines of her face, as if the whole time he had been seeing her through the bond his vision had been blurred. He buried his head in her shoulder, breathing the glorious scent of her, and they stood there just holding each other tight for what felt like an eternity. Finally, he let her slip down to the ground, and she stood smiling up at him. 

He wanted so badly to lean down and capture her mouth in a kiss, but for some reason he felt unsure of himself now that he was actually with her. Instead he just gazed at her and lost himself falling into her eyes, until finally she scrunched her nose up at him in an adorable expression, before standing on the very tips of her toes and angling her mouth up to him. With this very clear invitation, he gave into his desires and leaned down eagerly, pressing their mouths together. She opened instantly, a flower unfurling under his mouth, and he licked into her eagerly, their tongues dancing together as he felt a shudder of sheer _joy_ course through his body. He knew she felt it too, because her arms came around him, pulling him tightly against her. Standing there amidst the crashing of waves, with the sound of some strange seabird in his ears and the salty wind blowing his cloak, he for the first time in a long time felt like he was _home._

The sky darkened as they kissed, more heavy clouds moving in with the onset of evening. They broke away as the first drops of rain began to fall upon them, both of them looking upwards. Gloomy clouds were moving over the island, the setting suns now sinking below the distant horizon and lighting them from beneath, giving them a strange eldritch glow. He groaned internally. He hated rain. She snickered next to him and he raised an eyebrow at her.

“You were projecting” she told him. “I love the rain. Spending years on a desert planet will do that to you.” 

He huffed a little. “It’s not my favourite thing.” 

Partially it was because it reminded him too much of the night when he had destroyed Luke’s Jedi temple. That night, the lightning had sheeted violently across the sky and the thunder crashed loudly as the temple burned with a blaze so fierce, not even the rain could put it out. The spattering of water on his head, the scent of the rain, it brought back those memories all too vividly. 

She must have sensed his unease through the bond, because she stepped away, beckoning to him, and began leading the way up some roughly cut stone steps. They climbed up and away from the stone platform, arriving eventually at a small collection of round dwellings made of roughly hewed stone. This was where she must have been that night, he realised, the night that they first touched hands, the night that he first realised just how important she was and just how much their fates were entwined. He glimpsed one hut which had its top and side blown out, and with that came a memory that brought him up short. That night had been the first time since he had seen his uncle since that fateful night at the Jedi Temple. The look of fury and fear on Luke’s face, his outstretched hand, as he had blown the stones of the hut away as if they were nothing but leaves in the wind when he saw Ben touching hands with his so-called apprentice, it was all etched vividly into his brain. He quickly tried to tamp down on the memory, his feelings around Luke still too complex and unstable for him to consider right then. 

The rain had started falling more heavily, the fat drops soaking his hair through as he stood looking at the partially destroyed hut. Interrupting his thoughts, Rey grabbed at his hand, drawing him towards another fully intact dwelling and pulling him inside, closing the makeshift door behind them. The room was dark, lit only by the dull orange glow of embers of a slumbering fire at its centre. Rey threw him a cloth with which to towel off his hair and face, before walking around and lighting candles balanced on stony projections coming from the walls. He watched, admiring the glow of the flames on her skin, as she moved to a small table at the other side of the room, lighting yet more candles until eventually the room was suffused with a warm light. He threw his bag down before seating himself heavily on a small bed against one wall, as she walked over and crouched over the central firepit, coaxing the fire to life. She worked efficiently, feeding wood to the embers until the fire was burning steadily, and the hut was permeated with a cosy warmth as the flames took hold. Shadows cast by both its crackling light and by the candle flames danced and raced across the walls. 

She looked up at him, studying him from under her eyelashes. “When did you last eat?” She asked softly.

He realised as she said that, that he was absolutely famished. Food had been the last thing on his mind over the last day. “I don’t remember exactly,” he replied. 

She nodded to herself, before assembling a tripod over the fire, and lifting a small pot to hang from it, flames licking at its rounded underside. She added some water and then some dehydrated meat and vegetables. 

“You are now going to have the pleasure of experiencing my very amateur cooking skills.” She smiled up at him playfully.

He grinned back at her. “I’m sure it’ll be great.”

She hummed. “I doubt it. I’ve tasted First Order fayre after all, it was pretty damn delicious. I’ll say that for the First Order, they had some good cooks.” 

Ben huffed a half laugh. She wasn’t wrong.

Rey grew quiet, busying herself stirring the pot and adding what looked like dried herbs. He just watched her work, the flicker of the firelight illuminating the delicate lines of her face. She looked unutterably beautiful. He ran his hand over the blankets and furs on the bed, looking around the simple dwelling and listening to the crackle and pop of the fire burning. There was nowhere in the galaxy he would rather be right now. While some might call this set-up rustic and basic, to him in that moment it felt finer and more luxurious than the most expensive hotels the richest cities in the galaxy could offer. After a while, Rey looked up at him and caught his eye. Her look was assessing and speculative, and he raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.

“How are you doing right now, Ben?” She asked carefully.

He smiled at her. “I was just thinking that there's nowhere I’d rather be than here, with you,” he admitted.

She returned his smile warmly but briefly, before her expression grew serious. “And how are you doing with-” she gestured vaguely around with a ladle, “-well, with everything? With leaving?

Ben reflected back on the thoughts he’d had in the shuttle. 

“A little lost,” he admitted. “Strange. Somewhat afraid of what happens next. But also free. Relieved. I don’t regret leaving,” he told her, answering her unspoken question. 

She nodded to herself, opening packets and pouring powder onto some rough wooden plates, before adding water so that the contents of the plate bloomed into portions of what something like bread. She ladled out the contents of the pot into two bowls, before passing him one along with the bread portion. 

He was starving. The food was hearty and satisfying, and while it was basic it was actually pretty good, he thought, as he munched on his serving. The broth was warm and filling in his stomach, lending his body the fuel it so desperately craved right now. He gestured at the bowl with his spoon. “This is good, thank you.”

She snorted. “Hardly. I’ve got some half decent supplies, but I'm certainly no expert chef.” She pointed at him with her spoon, narrowing her eyes, “And I’m not cooking for you every day, Ben Solo.”

He smiled. “And I wouldn't dream of letting you. Though I can’t make any promises of gastronomic genius.”

They finished their meals in a companionable silence, frequently meeting each other's eyes over the crackling fire between them, and every time she looked at him he felt that faint flutter of hope in his chest grow a little stronger. After they had finished, Rey placed the bowls and plates outside in the now driving rain to let the raindrops wash them clean. She moved over to stand before him, frowning and looking unsure. 

_What’s up?_ he pushed at her softly through the bond. She just looked embarrassed, and bit her lip. He hauled himself up from the bed, standing before her, placing both of his palms against her cheeks, just for a moment. Her skin was so soft on his calloused palms, and he could feel the rise and fall of her breathing grow a little faster. He dropped his hands to her shoulders and waited for her to speak.

“I...I got another hut ready for you, it’s clean and dry, and I got some bedding for you.”

Oh. “Um. OK, sure,” he replied, dropping his hands and stepping away from her to reach down for his bag, before hefting it over his shoulder.

“I mean, if you wanted it,” Rey continued as he readied himself to leave. “I thought you might need some space.”

“Some space…” he echoed. Space was the last thing he wanted or needed right now. He’d had enough space and isolation to last him for several lifetimes over. He wanted, no, _needed_ to be in her presence, to bask in her light and to soak up her energy, to revel in just being near her. But he also respected Rey's needs and was determined to honour the pace she chose to set for the progression of whatever this was between the two of them. 

“Do you?” She asked, not really looking at him, her eyes fixed instead on the stone wall to the left of him. 

“Do I what?” he asked, dumbly.

She huffed a little, as if frustrated with him. “Need some space?” she demanded, meeting his eye again.

“Well. Not exactly. I mean, space is good if that’s what you want. But I don’t necessarily want or need it.”

She moved a little closer to him, and he to her. That pull between them as magnetic as ever, and he could feel the bond grow brighter as they drew closer. Once it had seemed like they were two galaxies locked into a catastrophic collision course that would explode their stars and burn their worlds in an inferno of chaotic energy. But now it was more like the planets and stars of those two galaxies had somehow moved themselves into alignment harmoniously, instead creating intricate orbits of wondrous new star systems, filled with the promise of new life. 

“What _do_ you want and need right now, Ben?”

 _You!_ his body and mind screamed, but he carefully kept his mental walls up, not letting the response flow through the bond, not wanting to overstep or scare her away. Instead, he stumbled over his words. “I...I’m not sure.”

She looked at him knowingly, and then moved back in towards him, gently pulling the bag from his shoulder and dropping it next to the bed. She took both of his hands in hers and gazed up at him. He could feel a brief impression of her caution and her fear, before he sensed her make a decision. Then she let all her walls fall, and let her thoughts and feelings flow into the bond and, _Oh_. She actually _wanted_ him to stay with her, was hoping he would say that’s what he wanted too. Like him, though, she was afraid of overstepping or putting pressure on him at what she knew would be a vulnerable time, and she was eager to respect any time and space he needed for himself. She was both nervous and filled with anticipation about potentially spending the night with him in person. But she was ready, ready to embrace him fully, to take him into her bed and into her most vulnerable hopes and dreams for the both of them. Her strength of feeling for him was overwhelming, and the tender and precious thing that had been growing inside him for her rose up and spilled over with an unspeakable wonder at her acceptance at him. He closed his eyes, feeling tears prickle his eyelids, and willed himself not to cry. The belonging he had been seeking all his life was right before him. It was there in the small hands clasped inside of his, it was present in the empathy and acceptance in her face when he finally opened his eyes and looked at her, and it was there in the way that she both admired and _wanted_ him so fervently. 

“That’s what _I_ want Ben,” she told him. Then, again, but inside his mind this time, _What do_ you _want?_

He untangled his hands free of hers, and noted her face drop a little, before he gathered her to him, enfolding her in his arms, and letting his own feelings flow towards her. _You, Rey. Just you. You’re everything I want and need right now._

She brought her hands up to his chest, pressing into him, and for one awful moment he thought she was pushing him away. He stepped back with heavy feet, but she moved forward with him, maintaining the closeness between them. When the side of the bed hit his calves, he realised her intent, and felt a sudden flush of warmth flow through him. He sat down, and to his surprise, she followed, straddling his lap so that she was sitting on his thighs facing him. She looked at him shyly, as though surprised by her own boldness and there was a faint blush on her cheeks which he was sure was mirrored by his own. The firelight was a burning halo around her, and as he looked into her eyes he couldn’t quite believe that this wasn’t all some sort of crazy dream, wasn’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t wake at any moment in his bed on the First Order Star Destroyer. 

But then her hands came up into his hair, tugging him forwards as she pulled him into a kiss, and he was completely and utterly suffused with her glorious energy. Their mouths slid together hungrily, and to hell with ruling the galaxy, this, _this_ was what he would both live and die for from now on. 

Their kisses were desperate at first, but as the reality sunk in that the other wouldn’t be snatched away at any moment by the bond dissipating, and that they actually had _time_ , they grew slower and more languid. He reached up to her as they kissed, pulling her buns from their ties and letting her hair fan around her shoulders. He pulled back for a moment, threading his fingers through her chestnut locks and admiring how she looked with her hair fully down. 

There was the sense of some huge puzzle piece clicking into place, as he gazed at her and their bond hummed brightly between them; a feeling that the strange dance of the Force through the universe had somehow made some vital graceful step. Everything just felt _right_. The energy of the bond flowed easily, and in his bones he could feel it growing stronger, hooking its way deeper into them both, into their very essences, tying them together irrevocably. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before, this sense of belonging, this sense of oneness, and as he started to kiss and kiss her again, it only grew. He knew she could feel it too, could feel her sense of wonder at it drift through him through the bond. 

Suddenly he desperately needed to feel _more_ of her, and he grasped her waist, pulling her in flush against him. The press of her breasts and her core against him kindled in him a desire like nothing he’d ever felt before, it felt like it would burn him alive this desire, like it would consume him whole...and it felt rather like he would actually be happy about that. 

Ben ran his hands up her ribs, before tentatively brushing the sides of her breasts. Rey did an adorable little intake of breath, before pulling back and looking at him, her eyes dark. He hesitated for a moment as she watched him, suddenly unsure under her gaze. But she untangled her hands from his hair and then brought them down, grasping his wrists and guiding him to fully cup her breasts in his palms. She made a little happy noise that seemed to resonate right through his whole body, which encouraged him to lean forward and press open mouthed kisses up the column of her throat, eliciting more little gasps and sounds of pleasure. 

After a time, he dared to trail his hands to the bottom of her tunic, and at a nod from her, pulled it up and lifted it over her head. Reaching back, Rey snagged the end of her breasbrand and began unwrapping it slowly while he looked on with eager eyes. When her chest was bare to him, he looked down at her body in wonder, watching the warm glow of the firelight move across the dips and folds of her skin. He felt her self consciousness as it drifted over the bond, and snapped his gaze back to her. 

“I know I’m not much…” she whispered, ducking her head. 

What? How could she not know that she was absolutely everything? Every single part of her from head to toe set his soul afire with a light he had never experienced before. How the kriff could she think that she was ‘not much?’

Her gaze was downcast, and so he cupped her jaw with one hand, forcing her to look up at him. “Rey, you are _everything_ ,” he told her. “You are utterly beautiful. Every bit of you is perfect. Never doubt that that’s how I feel.”

He brought his hands to palm at her bare breasts then, trying to show her with a worshipful touch just how gorgeous she was, willing his regard for her into the movement of his hands and fingers. She gasped, a breathy and needy sound that sent heat shooting right through to the very core of him. He watched her carefully, logging her reaction as he ran his fingers over her, teasing and stroking. He was completely untutored in this, and all he had to go on were her reactions - but thankfully she was incredibly responsive underneath his fingers, letting out little gasps and moans as he caressed her. He was achingly hard in his pants by this stage, and he wondered if she could feel his length pressed against her core. His answer came when he felt her grind against him. She dropped her head and hid her face in his shoulder as if embarrassed, so he just pulled her pelvis against his again, letting her know that she had nothing to feel shy about, that he wanted her just as eagerly as she wanted him. 

He pushed her back a little to give himself room to strip his tunic off, letting it fall carelessly to the floor, before pulling her back into him. She pressed her hands against his bare skin, making him hiss, and then she began stroking over his back and chest with slow sweeps. He was still relatively unused to being touched; prior to this they had only touched when the bond connected them, and this felt so much more tangible than that. His skin felt exquisitely sensitive under her palms and her fingers, the mindless patterns she traced across his skin leaving behind them a wake of fire. The feeling of being pressed skin to skin against her was utterly captivating, the warm movement of their bodies together a wonder to him. He captured her mouth in a searing kiss, before letting himself fall backwards onto the bed, pulling her on top of him.

He rolled her to her side, lying there facing her and smoothing his hands down her side, her skin unutterably soft beneath his fingers. Her hand tickled its way down his chest and onto his stomach, playing with the little line of hair that traveled from his navel to below the band of his trousers. His skin shuddered beneath her touch and he could feel goose pimples rising as she stroked his belly. He mirrored her movements, noticing that her reaction was much the same as his own, before letting his hand come to rest at her waistband. He looked at her questioningly, and she just gave him a little nod, her breathing shaky, looking off to the side and not quite meeting his eye, as if too shy to look at him. 

“Rey,” he spoke her name softly to get her attention and she gazed up at him. “I have never done this before either,” he told her, trying to allay the fears and doubts he guessed were lingering in her mind. “You are the first person I have ever touched like this.” _You are the only person i will_ ever _touch like this,_ he thought, knowing with a certainty that she would be both the first and the last for him. There could never be any other. 

She looked up at him as if in wonder, before sitting up and stripping off her leggings and underthings more quickly than he could have done. She lay back, bared to him, looking at him so shyly and so trustingly that his heart did a little flip in his chest as he allowed his hand to wander down the length of her. He ran his fingers through the coarse hair at the apex of her thighs, before dipping his fingers down, finding her core dripping wet for him. She trembled beneath him and let out a little sigh. Again, he watched her reactions carefully as he slid his fingers between her folds, lingering on the places that seemed to give her the most pleasure and learning as he went, working at figuring out how to make her make the gasps and sighs that he longed to hear. He worked a finger inside her slowly, smiling to himself when she shuddered at the feeling. Kissing her, he swallowed her sighs and moans as he moved his finger in and out, his thumb circling the delicate nub that seemed to bring her the most pleasure. 

When her hips began to bear down on him, as if seeking out more friction, he added a second finger and began to work in and out of her faster. He could feel her tightening around his fingers, and he nudged at her mind, seeking entrance, desperate to know what she was feeling, what he was _making_ her feel. Because this power, the power to make her writhe and moan and cry out his name, was a power more heady than any he had ever known at the head of the First Order. She opened up her mind to him willingly, and so he was there with her all the way as her body went rigid and her thighs trembled. He was carried with her as she crashed over the edge, her inner walls convulsing and fluttering around his fingers, gasping his name into his mouth. And, stars, he would tear down the galaxy for this, over and over, just to have her name on his lips as she moaned out her pleasure. 

When she had come down from her orgasm, stilled beneath his hands, and her breathing had steadied, he kissed her tenderly. And even though he ached with how hard he was, this alone was enough for him, enough to satisfy him for the rest of his life. He expected no more. But her hands were making their way down his stomach again and though they shook, they were pushing insistently at the band of his trousers, and she was looking up at him with that determined set to her mouth that he knew so well. So he sat and stripped off the remainder of his clothing until he was as naked as she was, bare and embarrassingly hard before her. She looked at him silently for permission - though in truth she didn’t need any, he would have let her do anything to him right then - before running her fingers over his aching length and grasping hold of him experimentally. He made a strangled noise in his throat and she froze. 

“No, no, it’s good,” he reassured her. _Nobody has ever touched me like this,_ he reminded her, silently. _It’s just very intense, but it’s amazing. You’re amazing._

All he could do was lie there as she stroked at him, the softness of her hands over his skin a pleasure and a torture all at once. 

“Ben,” she whispered, so softly that he almost missed it. 

“Hmm?”

“I want you,” she told him. And for a moment he was confused - she already had him, he had left the First Order, he was here, on the island, in her bed and in her hands….until her mind helpfully supplied the image of his body covering hers, of them rocking together inextricably bound. 

He looked at her carefully, wanting that more than he could possibly express to her, yet also not wanting her to push herself further than she was comfortable. “Is that really what you want? Are you sure?”

She just tugged at him, urging his body on top of hers and looking up at him seriously.  
_Yes. I want this. So much,_ she reassured him, even as he felt her hand between them positioning himself at her entrance. 

He grunted in surprise and arousal as he felt the wetness between her thighs against him. Then she wriggled against him, and he was sliding slowly against her, making him hiss at the sensation. Spurred on by her eager movements beneath him, he began easing into her ever so carefully. She let out a little whimper, and he paused for a moment, letting her body adjust around him, just enjoying the feeling of being totally consumed by her. After a while, she wriggled again, looking up at him and biting her lip, silently urging him on, and he slid fully into her until their pelvises pressed flush together. 

He moaned in delight. She was hot and wet around him, smooth like silk. He rocked into her experimentally and she let out a breathy little sigh, which compelled him to kiss her again. And, oh stars, it was kriffing wonderful, beyond anything he had ever felt. The whole galaxy fell away, his world narrowing down to the places their bodies touched, to the way she gazed up at him steadily. He went gentle and slow, at first, drawing out the pleasure for both of them as she quivered beneath him. But after a time she started canting her hips up to meet his thrusts, and her hands came around his backside, urging him into her deeper, faster. He obliged, beginning to piston his hips back and forth, feeling his pleasure start to build. He opened his mind to her, sending out a tendril of thought to invite her in, wanting her to feel his pleasure as he had done with hers. He was extremely glad he had done so, as he could feel in turn that delicious ache and that burned inside her, and also what it was that she so desperately needed to bring her over the edge with him. He snaked his hand between them to where they were joined, working his fingers over her as he thrust into her at a steady fast pace. Her body began to shake, and she screwed up her face adorably as she came apart around him. He felt every moment and of it, and that combined with the feeling of her convulsing around him was too much for him to hold on any longer. His hips stuttered as he pounded his last few strokes into her, before his orgasm sheeted over him and he spent himself fully inside her, his cries muffled into her shoulder. 

They lay there, locked together, both of them breathing hard and coming down from the feeling. Ben braced himself up on his arms, lifting himself to look down at her. Her eyes seemed green right now, and a single tear escaped one of them, glistening in the firelight. He’d just been inside her head only seconds before and he knew there was no sadness inside her, knew that it was only a naked vulnerability and overwhelming feeling of connection that gripped her, so he just brushed the wetness away with his thumb. As he looked at her, watching the way she looked up at him adoringly, he felt that indescribably tender part of himself unfurling and flowing towards her. And though he couldn’t quite bring the words to his lips, he knew at last what they were, what this feeling that had been stirring inside him for weeks now actually meant. He had once thought himself beyond being capable of love. The very thought of it had once seemed an unforgivable weakness, something to be cut out, to be stripped away and cast aside. But then she had come into his life, with all her fire and her fury, her bright intelligence and innate strength, her kindness and compassion, and he was done for. 

He couldn’t bring the words to his lips yet, they weren’t ready to be out there in the world. But they nestled inside him, and he wasn’t afraid to let them take root in him, to grow and to flourish. One day he would be ready to speak the words to her, he knew that much at least, if not when. All in good time. 

For now though, he rolled off her, before gathering her into him and kissing her head tenderly, weaving their limbs together. The wind howled and the rain lashed down outside, but the hut was cosy and warm, filled with orange light and the scent of their bodies. Both of them were breathing deeply now, drowsy in the afterglow. 

Soon, Ben and Rey slept, entangled in each other's arms, the bond between them humming low against the crackle of the firelight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben spends his first day on the island with Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is much longer than usual, but I just wanted them to do All the Things on their first day on the island together. Some more smut in this one, but lots of other stuff too :)
> 
> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

The fire had died down to the last few glimmering embers when Rey awoke in the morning. She came out of a sleep so deep, it was like trying to surface from a fathomless well of water. When her consciousness finally broke the surface, the first thing she became aware of was a heavy weight across her stomach, and for a moment her bleary mind was seized with panic, thinking she was somehow restrained. Then her eyes flew open, she found herself looking into the sleeping face of Ben Solo, and everything that had happened the previous night came rushing back to her. She felt a slight blush colour her cheeks as she remembered the way their bodies had moved so passionately, the noises and the movements that they had created together, utterly lost in each other. Warmth suffused her as she gazed upon his sleeping face. He looked much younger in his sleep, his face boyish, the troubled expression he often wore smoothed out by his slumber. 

Rey was lying on her back, her head turned towards him, and Ben was snuggled into her side. His arm was flung across her middle, the weight of it comforting now that she was fully awake and knew that she wasn’t restrained . She turned under his arm, wriggling onto her side to face him, and he stirred, mumbling something unintelligible. She lay there just breathing him in and taking comfort in his presence. He smelled of sweat, and of that faintly smoky sandalwood scent she always associated with him, a smell that was just _Ben_. Her eyes tracked over his face, running down the scar she had given him. The scar which she knew he could have entirely healed, so it was invisible, given the medical resources of the First Order, but which he had chosen not to. 

He was here. He was real. He had done everything she had asked him to do, and had come to her even in his fear of the unknown. He had at last chosen a path away from a darkness that was all consuming. Even though she knew deep down that Ben would never be completely free of the dark, she found that she didn’t mind. Now that he was here on the island, they could train together, she could support him as he strove not to fall fully back to the darkness She could be at his side as he battled for the balance that had eluded him all his life.

He shifted before her, and muttered. “Your thoughts are loud this morning,” before opening his eyes to squint at her. 

She looked into their warm amber tones, sighing in contentment. “I’m just happy you’re here.”

“Me too, believe me,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her mouth. His lips were soft and full, pillowy against hers. “Thank you by the way. For last night. It was….well it was amazing.”

His eyes were fully open now, regarding her intently. She snaked her arm around his waist, pulling him into her tightly and hiding her face in his chest. “It was more than amazing,” she replied against the firmness of his pectoral muscles, her lips brushing his skin. “It was _everything_.”

He hummed in agreement, and they just lay there for a while, lazily enjoying the way the bond wrapped around them harmoniously. Rey noticed that compared to the previous evening it was now much stiller outside. The stormy wind and rain must have blown themselves out in the night. She could glimpse bright light creeping round the edges of her makeshift window - a sheet of leather pinned to an opening in the hut, which could be rolled back during the daytime to allow the light in. It looked like it would be a sunny day outside. Perfect for showing Ben the temple at the top of the island, and then training, and then perhaps for swimming in the sea to freshen up. 

Rey hauled herself out of bed, making Ben moan at the loss of her body heat. Seconds later though, he seemed much happier, as he took in her naked body with a broad sweep of his eyes up and down the length of her as she rolled up the leather flap from the window. Rays of light spread over the room, illuminating her body and she flushed self consciously before gathering up her clothes, holding them against her front. 

“See something you like, Solo?” She asked cuttingly. 

“Stars, yes,” he answered, rolling onto his back and pillowing his hands behind his head as his eyes still took in every part of her that was not covered by the bundle of clothes. 

She chose to ignore him as she started to pull her clothes on. If they were going to be living together for the foreseeable future, then she would have to get used to being naked in front of him. In fact, she rather hoped they would be naked around each other quite a lot from now on, given how pleasurable last night had been. Shaking her head at herself, she ran through her plans for the day mentally as she dressed. 

“Breakfast first,” she announced. “I need to pop down to the Falcon. I promised I’d comm your mother as soon as you were safely here.” She looked at him, all mock-reproachful. “Somebody distracted me last night.”

He huffed a slight laugh, before sitting up in bed, blankets pooling around his waist. She watched as he repeatedly pushed his messy hair back from his face in an irritated fashion. “Please tell me you have a comb here.”

She nodded at him, bending to put on her boots, before straightening and looking at him. He looked unbelievably beautiful. The hard planes of his chest glowed in a ray of light which slanted in from the window, his hair haloed his head messily and serious amber eyes looked up at her. 

He quirked an eyebrow. “See something _you_ like, Rey?” he echoed. She bent to pick up his clothes heaped on the floor, before throwing them at him, following them up with the hair comb from her table. He sighed heavily in resignation, before beginning to pull on his tunic. 

Rey re-awakened the fire, adding twigs and blowing on the slumbering embers. She added a generous couple of handfuls of grain to her cooking pot, before crouching in front of it, adding water and stirring. She felt a hand come to gently touch the top of her head. Ben was towering over her, once more clad in his familiar black. 

“I’ll make breakfast,” he told her. “You go and do what you need to do at the Falcon.”

“I thought you might want to speak to…” she trailed off as he shook his head, before perching next to her on a low stool ,and gently easing the spoon from her hands. 

“Not yet,” he insisted. 

His expression was set stubbornly, and so she didn’t press the issue. He cupped her head, pulling her in and bestowing a soft kiss on her hair, before shooing her away. 

*

Rey had been right in her estimation of the weather. The sky was clear of clouds, pale blue on the horizon then fading into a deeper blue as it lifted to the heavens. The twin suns beat down, and though there was still a chill in the air at this time of morning, it promised to be a pleasantly warm day. Rey made her way down to the makeshift landing bay where both of their starcrafts were parked, the warbling noise of porgs and the gentle whisper of the waves against the rocks of the island accompanying her.

Porgs clustered around the Falcon as she approached it, anticipating her opening the ramp. They seemed drawn to it for some reason, and the last couple of times she had been aboard she had found them attempting to nest inside the hidden smugglers compartments there, which they seemed to prefer to their usual cliffside nesting sites. She shooed them away as she opened the ramp, however a few of them slipped free of her grasp and made their way up onto the ship. She gave a long suffering groan. Every. Single. Time. 

She performed her porg-evicting duties first of all, trying to ignore their beseeching eyes and mournful cries as she extracted them from the hiding places they had found themselves. She was sure that she hadn’t got all of them, and suspected that next time on the ship she would discover at least one nest full of sweet little porglings. 

She made her way to the cockpit, seated herself in the comfortable captain’s chair and composed herself for a moment before she contacted the Resistance. By this point, Leia would have told the rest of them about Ben’s defection. Rey wondered how they had taken it. No doubt they would be celebrating the demise of the First Order command, but Rey wondered whether that goodwill would extend towards forgiving the monster many of them had seen Ben Solo as. Forgiveness would come hard, even in the light of his positive actions, and she knew there would be some way in which he needed to answer for his crimes. She trusted Leia though, to have made the best of the situation - he was her son after all. Nevertheless, she dreaded getting Poe on the comm. He would be one of the least likely to quickly accept Ben’s turn away from the dark. 

And what of her role in Ben’s turn? She was sure that by now Leia knew of her relationship with her son, and she suspected that Chewie also had strong suspicions. But had Leia told any of the others about it? How the kriff would they take it? They didn’t know the Ben that she knew, didn’t know the gentle, generous, sweet side of him that he had shown to her over and over. 

Gritting her teeth, she tapped in the secure code for the Resistance base. To her great relief, it wasn’t Poe woh answered, but Rose. 

“Rey? Is that you?” the diminutive dark haired girl asked eagerly. 

“Hi Rose, yes it’s me. How are things?”

“Oh Rey, Leia briefed us about the First Order. They are in absolute disarray at the moment.” Rose let out a triumphant little whoop. “Is it true, was it him that did it, was it Ky- I mean Ben Solo, has he really turned on them?”

“Yes, it’s true,” confirmed Rey, allowing the smile in her voice to come through on the comm. “It was him.”

“Wow,” breathed Rose. “This is huge. I mean absolutely _huge_. Leia has been in contact with our allies, rallying them for a series of coordinated attacks. I mean, I don’t know much, but I do know that. This is it, this is our chance to take them all down!”

“Fantastic. That’s amazing.” Rey felt a little helpless at this distance, and slightly guilty that she wasn’t there to help with the attempt to push the Resistance’s current advantage. However, she reminded herself, what she was doing here was crucially important too, both towards Ben's overall wellbeing, and towards the Resistance’s efforts.

“So, Leia didn’t say much more. Just that he’d be turning himself in eventually, but not when that would be, or where he’s gone. Just that he’s helping us. _Kylo Ren_ Rey, on the side of the Resistance. It’s insane.”

“Hmmm,” Rey hummed noncommittally. 

“Something must have happened,” Rose continued blithely, chattering away oblivious to Rey’s growing self consciousness. “ _Something_ or _someone_ made him turn. He’s not done this all by himself.”

Rey looked at her nails, and then out at the broad vista of sea spread out before her, pondering. Rose certainly knew how to keep a secret. “Er, Rose-”

“I mean, I wonder if the Resistance has had someone on the inside, working with him,” the girl continued. “It would make sense-”

“-Rose.”

“I remember you said to me that his soul was conflicted, and he originally trained as a Jedi, right? And he’s Leia and Han’s son after all. What an ally he would make! I’m not surprised Leia has had someone-”

“-ROSE!” Rey interjected, exasperated. 

“What?” The girl asked, sounding offended. “All I’m saying is that someone must have been working with him, and that they’re away from us, probably with him right now, and….OH!” 

A brief silence hung in the air, filled only by the buzz of the static. 

“It’s you.” Rose said as if in wonder. 

Rey grinned to herself. “That’s what i’ve been trying to tell you for the last few minutes, Rose.”

“Wow. For how long? And how? You’ve only been away a few weeks.”

“Long enough for him to turn. You musn’t tell anyone this, especially not Poe - not yet anyway, only Leia knows - we have a bond in the Force. We can see each other and speak to each other from the other side of the galaxy,” she admitted to Rose, aware that she was sharing with her critically sensitive information, but confident in her to keep it to herself. 

“A force bond,” Rose said wonderingly. “You and Ben Solo...who could have predicted that? But how? After everything he’s done, everything he’s believed, how did you convince him to turn?”

“I didn’t, Rose. Listen, this bit is vitally important.” She paused for a moment waiting for Rose’s full attention. “Ben made this decision all on his own, it was _his choice_ to turn his back on the First Order. It’s so important that everyone knows that. And, okay, it was my idea for him to sabotage his fleet on the way out, but he was totally up for the idea. He doesn’t regret leaving. And, yes, he’s going to help us now by giving us intelligence on the other First Order bases.” 

“He’s there with you isn’t he?” Rose’s voice grew thoughtful and also, slightly suspicious. Rey could almost envision the small girl's face scrunched up as her quick mind worked its way through the possibilities.

“Well, not in the room right now, but with me on the island, yes.”

“Oookay,” Rose said slowly. “And you’re okay with him there?”

“We’re good. We’re great actually.” Rey didn’t realise her error until it was too late.

“‘We…’ Oh, Rey! You and Ben Solo! That’s why he turned! For you…of course, it all makes sense now,” her voice trailed off. 

Rey feared the silence that grew on the other side of the comm. But Rose had one of the sweetest souls she had ever known in another person. If anyone would understand then she would. 

“Do you feel the same?” Rose asked quietly. 

“Yes,” Rey admitted hesitantly. 

There was another silence. “Then I'm glad for you both,” Rose decided. “Love is the strongest force in the galaxy... well after the Force itself.”

“Hang on, I didn’t say it was love!” Rey objected, the denial feeling wrong in her mouth even as she spoke it. 

“Rey, I _know_ that nothing but love could have turned someone away from that level of darkness. Trust me.”

“Please keep this to yourself,” Rey pleaded, not having it in her any longer to deny something which she knew after all was very likely the truth. Rose had hit on a reality that she hadn’t yet articulated to herself - only love could have turned Ben Solo. Her stomach did a little swoop at the implications. 

“Of course,” her friend replied. “My lips are sealed.”

“It’s just...people might not understand. Finn, maybe. But especially Poe. I’m not ready for people to know.”

“I understand,” Rose soothed. “I won’t speak a word to anyone.”

“And you’re not...angry with me?” Rey asked tentatively. 

“Angry?” Rose exclaimed. “Rey, _Ben Solo turned_. The First Order are in disarray, their command structure is annihilated. We’re going to get intelligence which will help us wipe out the rest of them. Our greatest enemy is now an ally of sorts. You saved Leia’s son. Whyever would I be angry with you? Because you brought someone back from the darkness? It doesn’t matter how you did it, all that matters is that you did. ”

Grateful tears prickled Rey’s eyes at her friend's acceptance. “Thank you so much Rose,” she gushed. 

“No worries,” Rose said casually, as though it was nothing at all. “Now, I'm sure you didn’t comm in just to speak to me.”

“No,” Rey admitted. “I need to update Leia.”

“I’ll go and get her. And, Rey?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m happy for you.”

There was a thud as Rose put the comm down then the sound of retreating footsteps and the creak of a door opening and closing. Rey breathed a sigh of relief to herself. The last thing she had expected to do today was to confide in anyone about the strange, unexpected, wonderful thing that was growing between her and Ben. But she knew she could trust Rose, and her easy acceptance soothed the ever present worry which daily chipped away at her, her fear of what her friends would think of her if they knew she was involved with a monster. _Former_ monster, she corrected herself. The way that Rose had laid it all out made her feel reassured about what people’s reactions may ultimately be. And it was all down to Ben. He had decided to leave. He had destroyed the fleet. He was going to help them take down the rest of the First Order. He cared about her (not loved, no...she couldn’t think about that, that thought was just too huge to contemplate right now.)

Shortly she heard the door creak again, and footsteps which grew louder, before there was a crackle on the comm and then Leia’s voice. 

“Rey? How’s my son?” Leia asked immediately. “Rose told me on the way that she’d figured out that he’s there on the island with you. I was _extremely_ relieved to hear that, honestly though that girl is too clever for her own good.”

Rey laughed softly. “Yeah, she’s a bright one. And he’s fine. All in one piece, no serious injuries.”

Relief flooded Leia’s tone. “Thank the Force for that. And his emotional condition?”

Rey hesitated. How much should she tell Leia? _Well, we’re both kind of great because we spent the night rolling about naked in bed_. Definitely not that. 

“He’s doing well, all things considered. Relieved to be away from there. Scared of the future, obviously. I don’t think he ever envisioned another path for himself in all honesty. But he seems content this morning.”

“Hmmm,” Leia hummed, just letting it hang there in the air, thank goodness not asking precisely _why_ Ben was so content this morning. “I’m glad. I know he needs time right now. He must have a lot to work through. I’m more grateful to you than I can possibly ever express Rey, I need you to know that.”

“Thank you, Leia,” Rey responded, feeling warm inside at the General’s appreciation. 

“Now,” Leia’s tone became brisk and businesslike. “I have broken the news of his defection to the others. It went down as well as could be expected, given the circumstances. There are many who will not be quick to forgive, although the distinct advantage he has given us against the First Order has helped greatly with people’s sentiments.”

Rey let out a long sigh in relief. It wasn’t perfect, but it was slightly better than she had expected. “Ok. Good.”

Leia’s voice grew eager. “Now is the time for us to strike against the rest of the First Order. We are gathering allies as I speak, so many are heartened by the destruction of the fleet. But there is vital intelligence that we will need to progress matters, and we need it as soon as possible…” 

Leia let a silence stretch between them. Rey knew what she was asking. “I’ll talk to him,” she agreed.

“Today?” Leia pressed. “Time is of the essence.”

“Give me a moment, please General, I can ask him right now, through the bond.”

Leia grew quiet. Rey probed for the sense of the bond inside herself, and reached out along it. He responded instantly, reaching back to her eagerly. 

_Ben?_

_The porridge is ready. I’ve already had mine._ he told her. Before, apologetically, _I was hungry._

 _It’s fine,_ she soothed. _Listen, i know you’re not going to like this, but your mother needs to speak to you_

There was a sudden flare of emotion across the bond. Part irritation, part fear, part guilt. She could feel his mind start to tilt sideways a little as he started to spiral, feel the darkness lapping at the edges of him.

_I...I can’t. No._

Rey sent waves of soothing energy to him, letting her light flare brighter and curl its way through the bond, wrapping him as she poured towards him all her regard and care for him. She felt him soften a little, stabilise.

_I don’t think she wants to talk about things. She just needs the First Order intel you’d planned on giving us. They’re going to be making a move soon on them. Please._

She sensed a resignation across the bond, felt as he swallowed down on his fear and his guilt. 

_I’m willing to provide all the intel she likes. But I’m not ready to talk about….about anything else just yet. You need to tell her that._

Rey gave her assent silently through the bond, then felt him pull back from her mind, back into his bubbling morass of mixed up emotions. At least he was willing to give this much, Rey thought, even if he wasn’t yet ready to confront the full extent of his actions. 

“Leia?”

“I’m here Rey. What did he say?” Leia’s voice was hopeful. 

“He’s willing to give you the intel now. He isn’t ready to talk about anything else though. Just that.” She felt worried about what she was about to demand, but she steeled herself. “Please, Leia, don’t try. I think any discussion of the past will unbalance him now. He’s at a critical stage.”

“I understand,” replied Leia. 

Rey could hear the slight note of disappointment but also acceptance in her voice. Ben had already exceeded many of their expectations, and Rey was determined to let him proceed at a pace that was comfortable. Confronting the reality of what he had done to his family was some way further down the path which he had just stepped onto. She was willing to be his buffer, to speak for him when necessary, to make sure he had the time and space that he needed. 

“Thank you,” Rey replied. She reached out with her awareness, sensing Ben making his way down the hillside to the rugged steps that led down to the ships. “He’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

“Look after yourselves, both of you,” Leia told her warmly. “Comm in again in a few days, would you?”

“Of course,” Rey affirmed. “Goodbye General.”

“Goodbye Rey.”

She balanced the comm receiver on top of the control panel, before sliding from the seat and walking to meet Ben at the bottom of the ramp. He didn’t look happy, his expression was stormy and she could sense the darkness undulating around him. However, his expression lifted a little as soon as he saw her, and he immediately swept her into the circle of his arms. 

“I don’t know how to do this,” he mumbled into her hair. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to just talk to her, after everything.”

She held him tightly, willing warmth and comfort into him. “I know it’s difficult. There’s nothing for it but to just get it over with,” she replied, voice muffled in his chest. She pulled back and eyed him. He looked stressed, and she reached up and smoothed a hand down his cheek. “I spoke to her about it, you don’t have to talk about anything other than the intel about the First Order. She understands that you’re not ready.”

He nodded shortly, kissing her forehead so tenderly that her skin tingled where his lips had touched, before making his way up the ramp with his long strides. 

Rey left him to his privacy, heading back up to the hut and gulping down her cooling porridge. After washing up the pot and bowls, she made her way to a relatively flat grassy spot on the hill overlooking the landing pad, crossed her legs and relaxed into a meditation. She didn’t probe the bond, allowing Ben his privacy, but nevertheless she could sense that he was keeping his side of it tightly closed and not letting any emotions spill over. 

She cleared her mind, and dropped down into a deeper level of the Force, letting herself flow out into the world around her. Into the grass and its sparse roots, down into the rock of the island; out into the air, high into the blue, reaching up to the twin stars the planet orbited around; across the ocean, racing over its wild blue, and down into its depths, the crushing darkness where the weird creatures swam under unfathomable pressure. Into her own flesh, her own bones, her own spirit. She felt herself linked into the Force in all things, both sentient and inanimate. Her mind was as clear as a deep spring, her body washed clean by the beating sunlight and cool air…she drifted.

Eventually she sensed him leave the ship and begin making his way up the hill. Amidst the small flashing lights of the porgs’ life forces, his was distinctive, a seeping blackness that was nevertheless veined through with strands of the brightest light. Unmistakable. He was troubled, of course. Just hearing his mother’s voice had stirred up all the pain, all the guilt, all the regret he held down there in the black of his subconscious. Darkness hung around him, heavy as his own long cloak. She could sense his frown, the downturn of his lips. 

She felt him come to stand over her, observing her, his mind curious as to what she was doing. She didn’t attach any thought to her observation of him, just let her awareness float there, just as it currently floated through all things. 

Presently she felt him seat himself next to her. As the minutes ticked by, the sense of him as a turbulent river gradually stilled to that of a clear and calm pool as he also immersed himself in the same meditation. The bond burned between them still, though right now it was a calm steady connection. Rey lost track of time, not knowing how long they sat there. She was only roused from the deep meditation by the distressed cries of porgs close by. She cracked one eye open, only to see four porgs floating in the air close by, levitated by their shared meditation. She immediately gigglesnorted embarrassingly, causing Ben’s eyes to fly open too, just in time to see the porgs immediately drop from their air, soft pudgy bodies lending them the cushioning they needed to bounce safely against the grass and begin rolling down the hill crying out indignantly. Rey couldn’t stop laughing, and as Ben watched the porgs roll down the hillside, squawking and bouncing as they went, she saw a smirk quirk the corner of his mouth, growing to a wide smile, before finally he guffawed a laugh. And then, wonder of wonders, he began to laugh freely. His laugh was wild and infectious, like nothing she had ever heard before, and it just made Rey laugh all the harder until tears were streaming from her eyes. 

“Oh, force,” she hiccoughed, as she wiped her eyes, finally lapsing into giggles. She looked over at him. He was looking at her as if in wonder. He looked almost shocked with himself, taken aback by the hilarity between them. Before he could start thinking too deeply, she shuffled up close next to him and leaned into him. His arm came immediately around her. 

“I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that,” he admitted. “What are those things anyway? A whole tribe of them followed me up the ramp into the Falcon and I had to kick them out. There’s some _nesting_ in there.”

She snorted again. “They’re called porgs. And they’re very cute, but they are a pain with the Falcon. They like to get into all the smuggling compartments. We’ll have to have a big porg clearout someday soon.”

They lapsed into silence, both of them just watching the movement of the sea beneath them. Rey’s hand found his, entwining their fingers together, and she leaned into his side. She didn’t think she would ever get tired of touching him. Now that he was finally here, she felt the need to remind herself every now and again of his realness, his solidity, of that fact that they had passed a crucial turning point from which there was definitely no going back.

She squeezed his hand. “I’d like us to go up to the temple today, maybe try some of those balancing exercises from the Jedi texts?” she asked questioningly. 

“Sure, anything you want,” he replied easily. 

*

So it was that a while later, Rey and Ben climbed the steep hills up to the Jedi temple at the peak of the island, Rey hauling one of the Jedi texts with her in her backpack. The noise of waves crashing against cliffs gradually disappeared beneath them, to be replaced by the sound of a stronger wind skimming over the rocks and through the grasses, along with the ever present cry of seabirds. 

The temple was at the utmost peak of the island, marked by a wide gaping maw of an entrance carved into the granite, looking like the mouth of some great beast with jagged teeth. The inner temple itself was a natural cavern in the rock of the island, its ceiling rising high above the cool stone floor. At its centre was a pool of still clear, still water, it’s gleaming surface illuminated by rays of light cast from an opening on the other side of the cavern. Beyond that opening, a high cliffside upon which Luke’s meditation stone overlooked the vast vista of the ocean and different islands. 

Rey watched Ben as he took in the huge cave, his eyes coming to linger on the pool at its centre before making his long legged walk over, and looking down at the mosaic that decorated its bottom. The mosaic depicted a figure, sat cross legged in meditation. Half of the humanoid figure was in tiles of black, and half in white, though the ages had worn both those colours down to a grey and a dirty cream colour. The dark half of the figure was seated against a light background, and vice versa for the other half. Upon that background was depicted two suns, a dark one for the black tiled figure, a white one for the lighter. 

Ben stood over the pool, looking at it thoughtfully. 

“It’s supposed to be the first Jedi,” said Rey, her voice bouncing back from the stones and echoing around them.

“Interesting,” he replied, as she came to stand next to him, gazing down at the wide pool. “Remember what the text was saying, about balancing the light and dark of the Force? Looks like the first Jedi were all about that. Now, _that_ , I can maybe get on board with.”

“This is why I wanted you to come here,” Rey replied, pulling the Jedi text out of her backpack as he continued to gaze down at the image. She seated herself cross legged on the cool stone, patting the spot next to her. He walked over and folded his long legs ungracefully underneath him, making her smirk.

“What? I’m tall. I’ve got a high centre of gravity!” he objected. 

She pulled the Jedi text across both their knees, rolling her eyes as he grumbled slightly at her amusement. She flicked through the pages, looking for the one with the illuminated script, the page that they had once read together in his personal quarters on the First Order flagship. It seemed so long ago now, even though it was a matter of a few weeks. She couldn’t possibly have imagined back then, that only a few weeks hence she would be sitting here with the once Supreme leader, him preparing to harness the light within him to balance his own deep darkness, both of them striving to learn together, both of them supporting each other. Though they had already kissed back then, and she was aware of her simmering attraction to him, she couldn’t have possibly imagined that he would now actually be her _lover_. She felt a faint blush rise to her cheeks. 

Once they had both read over the instructions for the meditation exercises, she snapped the book closed and slid it to one side, before turning to face him. He pushed himself around too, facing her fully so that her knees were touching, and held out his palms to her. She rested her hands on his, letting his impossibly long fingers curl around her wrist slightly, before asking “Ready?”

He nodded and closed his eyes, and Rey followed him, sinking into the darkness behind her eyelids, breathing deeply and allowing her consciousness to fall into the deeper levels of the Force. She could sense Ben across from her, his presence in the Force that profound blackness marbled through with bright veins of light she had seen earlier on, when waiting for him on the hillside. She sensed him sink deeper with her, both of their minds perfectly in sync as they moved down through the levels of the Force. 

Together, they reached out into the Force presence on the island. Rey remembered only too well that seaweed garlanded hole which led down to the darkside mirror in the cave beneath. Ben was aware the island was a force nexus, but she hadn’t specifically mentioned this location to him yet. However she knew that the first time Luke had her meditate here, she had gone straight to the darkness held with the underworld of the island. Naturally, she expected the same to happen for Ben, it felt sort of inevitable given his past and his inclination towards the dark. 

However, as their energies twisted together then spanned out into the island, the first thing that came over them in waves was the light nexus at the centre of the temple they sat within, and Ben grasped for it. The darkness in him immediately tried to fight against it, and his hands tightened around hers, his muscles trembling slightly with the effort. She could feel how the light burned at the dark parts of him harshly, throwing insecurities and inadequacies into painful relief, and she lent him her silent support, her compassion for him flowing through the bond. But amazingly he sat stolidly through it, simply allowing the light to move through his body and soul. Eventually, the gleams of light woven into the dark swirl of his tempestuous energy grew brighter, becoming ribbons of light which began to suffuse outwards, turning his energy signature into something more balanced, a perfect dance of light and dark. She sat with him as he breathed in light and breathed out darkness

After a time, she felt the vague sense of something slithering sickly underneath the light on the island. Like an undertow, the dark Force nexus began tugging at their awareness, trying to pull them under with it. Rey had expected this, and braced herself for the fallout. Ben tried to fight it at first, but they were both powerless as the darkness in him reached out eagerly towards it. Seconds later, it felt like the whole universe tipped sideways. Rey had the sensation of them plummeting, still hand in hand, hurtling towards the hole which led to the dark nexus. She desperately tried to claw onto the receding light, to no avail, and it was Ben who ultimately tore them both out of the meditation just as the dark hole raced up to meet them.

Both of them jerked back, their eyes flying open, and breathing heavily. 

“What the kriff was that?” Ben demanded, eyes wild, scrambling backwards.

“I told you, it’s both a light and dark nexus here on the island. Here at the temple pool is the light nexus, underneath the island is a cave which holds the dark, there’s a mirror there and-”

“No,” he replied roughly. “Don’t tell me. Keep me away from it.”

“If you want to balance-”

“-I have enough dark in me Rey,” he interrupted. “The very last thing I need is more. And there’s so much power there…” he shuddered, wiping his hand over his face. “You shouldn’t even tell me where it is. I need to stay away from it. It’s dangerous for me.” He was shaking a little, his fingers trembling as he pushed his hair back, agitated. 

She felt chastened, and shuffled forward, kneeling at his side and smoothing her hand over his back, watching as he took ragged breaths. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled through his fingers. “I just didn’t expect that.”

“I should have warned you,” she answered ruefully. “I should have known - the first time Master luke had me meditate here, out there on that stone,” she pointed out of the opening to where Luke’s meditation stone sat, silhouetted against the horizon. “I went straight to the dark. He wasn’t very happy with me.”

“Well, no, he wouldn’t be,” Ben answered flatly, a bitter little smile twisting his mouth. 

There were still some lines of stress around his eyes. Rey kicked herself for mentioning Skywalker and cast around for a distraction of some type, not wanting him to get lost in the darkness of his memories right now, so soon after he had connected to the blackness of the force nexus beneath the island.

She wound her arms around him, trying to comfort him with her warmth and presence, and she rocked them back and forth soothingly. Gradually, his breathing returned to normal, and she could feel a stilling in the dark morass of his thoughts. He turned towards her, his lips finding hers for a soft kiss. She could almost see the darkness lifting away from him as their mouths moved together.

When she pulled away, he looked much more relaxed, and a sudden idea occurred to her, one which she knew would undoubtedly lift both of their spirits.

“That’s probably enough meditation for the day,” she told him. “Why don’t we train?” She nudged at him until he looked at her and gave him a bright smile, before pressing another quick kiss to his mouth. 

He grinned at her widely at the idea. “If you think you can take me, scavenger,” he said with a teasing note in his voice.

“I think we both know that I can,” she replied, lifting her chin imperiously..

They were both looking at each other with a playful challenge in their eyes, and Rey could feel both of their swelling excitement through the bond. Suddenly, without a word spoken, they both jumped up and raced towards the exit, jostling each other at the threshold. They barrelled, helter-skelter down the hill at a dangerous pace which would have been potentially bone-breaking for anyone unable to augment their balance with the Force. In front of her, a rock reared up out of the ground, and Ben kicked off it, force-leaping high and long, before landing on a flat patch of grass. Rey copied him, pressing her foot to the stone mid-stride and allowing the Force to carry her towards him. She ignited her saber in mid-air, bearing down on him like a fury. 

He was more than ready for her, grinning as he blocked her blade. Their sabers crashed together, hissing and spitting, the fierce light burning in between them as they both trembled with the effort. Suddenly, Ben pulled away unexpectedly, leaving her off balance and stumbling on the uneven surface. He gave her a Force-shove, and she overbalanced, but managed to roll smoothly before springing to her feet. She threw him a glare, but he just shrugged back at her, twirling his saber showily, a grin playing around the edges of his mouth. His saber stilled, and he beckoned her on cockily, but she refused to be drawn in, instead just circling him and relying on his impatience to draw him out.

It worked and in the end he huffed in frustration at her dancing around him. He struck at her, arcing his saber over his head in a punishing blow. She blocked, Force-pushed him to give herself some room, then followed up with a flurry of strikes. The world around them seemed to fall away, everything coming down to the buzz and crash of their blades as he expertly defended against her. They were fairly evenly matched, where he was all brute strength and hacking strokes with tremendous power behind him, she was more agile, able to dance out of his way and manoeuvre into positions he had to whirl quickly to defend against. She also had the sheer sneakiness that came with being a young scavenger girl alone on an inhospitable desert planet. However, she missed having a quarterstaff...maybe that was something she could ask him about - whether they could obtain another kyber crystal for her to construct a saber staff. Distracted with the thought, he almost managed to get a hit on her - though she knew full well he would have stopped the burn of the blade with a force barrier against her skin. 

Time became suspended as they traded blows, blocks and parries, Ben using his sheer bodily strength to try and turn the fight to his advantage, her using her agility. The bond was crackling between them with sheer joy, both their faces captured by wild grins as they gave everything they had to the duel. At one point, as their blades were locked, she had a sudden idea, and she looked up at him with wide eyes before running her tongue over her lower lip and then biting it. She saw as his eyes flicked down to her mouth and his lips parted instinctively. Rey seized her moment, thumbing her saber off for just a moment so that he staggered forward with his own momentum. She came low and pivoted, trying for a sweeping kick to his legs as he staggered, but he must have sensed her coming, because he jumped the swipe of her leg. He turned back towards her, one eyebrow raised.

“Dirty tricks then is it?” His voice rippled with amusement.

Rey shrugged, twirling her blade. “Not my fault that you’re easily distracted.”

“Is that so.” He thumbed off his saber, and for a moment Rey thought that he was conceding the fight. However, what he was actually doing was pulling his tunic over his head, leaving his chest bare, all that hard muscle outlined in the crimson light of his quickly reignited sabre. He was covered with a sheen of sweat, his hair hanging in his face, and he looked absolutely _edible_. Rey shifted uncomfortably, feeling a hot spike of desire. 

“Now that’s not fair,” she told him. 

“Now who’s easily distracted?” He replied smartly, giving her a smug smile.

Irked and, if she admitted it, also fairly turned on, Rey channelled her heating blood into another flurry of blows, practically snarling at him. 

In the end though, he bested her. Another split second of distraction as her eyes ran over his chest, and he had her saber hilt flying out of her hand to land uselessly on the grass. She tried to wheel away but he tripped her, and she landed on her back with an “Ooof!” He hovered just above her, the heat of his saber threatening at the tender skin of her neck. 

“Yield!” He demanded, his eyes dancing with merriment. 

“I yield,” she told him breathlessly, and the heat of his plasma blade disappeared instantly. He hovered over her for a moment, as they both breathed heavily. Then, before she could help herself, she surged upwards, crashing her lips into his.

They were both hot, breathless, and sweaty as she kissed him urgently. She could smell the combined scents of their pheromones, a heady concoction composed of both their bodies. As the kiss grew even more passionate, she dug her nails into his shoulders, before running them down his back with a slight pressure. He hissed at the feeling, his pelvis thrusting forwards to graze against her core. She pulled urgently at her clothes, and he followed suit, both of them shedding their clothes with surprising rapidity, leaving their bodies bare to the strong breeze. The thrill of the battle seemed to have heightened all of Rey’s senses, her skin felt exquisitely sensitive as he ran his hands over her body, goosepimpling in the wake of his fingers. The scent of him seemed to hang around her heavily and she lapped desperately at his neck, tasting the salt sweat there. She nibbled at him, before biting down a little harder, and he thrust urgently against her. Something came over Rey, and she suddenly found herself braver than she had been last night. Locking their legs, she rolled them both over until she was straddled on top of him. 

He looked ruined - in the best of ways. There was sweat across his brow, and his chest glistened with the sheen of it. There was a warm flush across his cheeks, his lips were reddened and his eyes dark and hungry as he gazed up at her. She could feel the hardness of him, bare against her core. Bravely, she gyrated a little on top of him, eliciting a strained moan. 

“Please…” he begged breathlessly, when she circled her pelvis again, his big hands coming to palm at her breasts and eyes looking up at her pleadingly.

She was already wet for him, and slid onto him slowly but easily. They lost themselves in each other’s bodies right there on the grass under the azure skies and the twin suns, with the Jedi temple looking down upon them. There was nothing about this joining that had the tenderness of the previous night. This was all desperate jagged edged desire, all tongues and teeth, and the urgent slap of their bodies together. This was all consuming, the bond between them burning and connecting them in a heady spiral of feeding off each other’s arousal. She felt like she would burn alive from the strength of desire that flooded her whole system. His hand came between her legs, fingers sliding against her and urging her along, and her back arched as she cried out her release into the early afternoon air, her muscles contracting tightly around him. Eventually she felt his hips stutter beneath her, and his hands gripped her hips bruisingly. She watched his face as he shuddered his release into her, fascinated with the expressions playing over it, her whole body humming with a sated desire.

She collapsed down onto his chest, and one of his hands came up to cup the small of her back, while the other wove into her hair. As they calmed, and as he stroked her hair tenderly, she let her whole body soften into him, holding him to her as though her life depended on it. Part of her reeled at the level of the desire she had felt for him, how it had turned her into a wild thing, scratching and biting in her need for him. This new side of her would take some processing. Eventually, though, she leaned up, looking down at him. His eyes were still playful, and the energy that was coming from him was so easy and carefree, so very different to when he had been with the First Order. 

“Well, scavenger,” he said fondly. “If that’s how you react whenever I best you, then-”

“Oh shush,” she told him with mock crossness. “I didn’t see you complaining.”

“Certainly not,” he confirmed. “Perish the thought.”

She looked down at him, at the hair plastered to the side of his face, at his deep boundless eyes, at his face so boyish in its happiness. She _did_ love him, she realised with a start. It was just as Rose had said. She actually loved him, with an inevitability which felt like it had been coming for her entire life, as though everything she had done up until now had brought her to this moment. She bit her lip as she pondered the enormity of her feelings.

His fingers came up and brushed her cheek, and she didn’t know what he saw in her expression, but a look of wonderment crossed his face. It was almost too much.

“Come on,” she said pushing off him, pulling her tunic on quickly. “Let’s go for a swim.”

*

The sea was deliciously cold and the swell gentle today. They larked about in the water like children, splashing at each other, dunking each other, him carrying her on his shoulders, Rey shrieking and shouting while a horde of perplexed porgs looked on from the beach. She had never seen him so carefree and full of sheer joy. She had never felt so utterly comfortable in somebody’s presence. He held her in his arms in the water, her legs wrapped around his waist as the gentle swell rocked them, and told her extremely seriously that this was the best day he had ever had in his entire life. She had to immediately kiss him after that, in order to hide the tears that sprang to her eyes at his words.

She showed him how to dive for shellfish and crustaceans they could use to make dinner with. He was a stronger swimmer than her and could hold his breath for longer, and was apparently experiencing some sort of primal urge to provide for her, as he insisted he would do the dive-fishing. She relented and sat watching from a rock, running her fingers through the tangles in her wet hair, as he made strong strokes cutting down into the blue depths. This place was good for him, she could feel it in her bones. This was what he needed right now. The less she said about the dark nexus the better - they would be keeping well away from that, and now Ben had felt its touch she was hopeful that he would be able to close himself to it permanently. This would be a healing time for him, time for him to come to terms with his new life, time for him to find himself again fully. She didn’t want to try and put a number on how many months or weeks that might take, but if she was honest with herself, she didn’t especially care how long it took right now. 

The Resistance had the intelligence it needed to bring down the rest of the First Order piece by piece, so they didn’t need her as much. It made her feel better about being away from them, assuaging the guilt she felt at not contributing directly. It would take time of course for all Leia’s plans to come to fruition, but the tide had certainly turned in their favour and she was hopeful now that the Resistance could take down the scattered remnants of the First Order. She was happy to stay here on the island for as long as Ben needed her to. Plus, Rey was well aware that things would become vastly more complicated once they returned, and ideally she wanted to put that off for as long as possible.

Ben surfaced, holding aloft a little woven bag she had given him to gather the seafood in, and looking proud of himself. She licked the sea salt from her lips, and smiled at him, her eyes shining.

*

That night, after feasting on their grilled seafood and bread portions, in the warm firelight of the hut they found that they once again couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It was if a self she had never known before had been awakened in Rey. She simply craved his touch, the feel of his skin against hers, and it seemed he craved the same from her. 

Where the previous night there had been a shyness and a lack of surety, their impassioned and impulsive actions that afternoon had seemed to unlock something in both of them. When he tentatively brought his lips and tongue between her thighs it felt so unearthly that she thought she might have actually died and been absorbed completely into the Force. It was more exhilarating than flying. It was more tempting than a table laden with delicious food. It was more empowering than the first time she had ever extended her Force abilities. It was everything that was amazing and good, and _Ben_. And when she bent to taste him against her tongue, nothing in her life had prepared her for the tenderness and pure sense of need for him she felt.

They made love passionately for half of that night, the flames flickering their moving shadows against the rough stone walls, while the stars burned brightly in the heavens.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Days passed by with the binary suns rising from behind the island and sinking into the ocean, staining its surface orange, lost to the waves. At first, Ben felt happier that he could ever remember being in his life - although admittedly that didn’t take a lot. He woke each day with his body tangled with Rey’s, their limbs weaving together like tree branches, sharing each other’s warmth. Each time he opened his eyes to the morning he was struck with that sense of wonder that she was there in the flesh, in his arms, living and breathing and apparently _his_. Somehow, impossibly, she _wanted_ him. He began to learn the shape of her body, and the things he could do to her which made her sigh in that delicious way that he loved so much. The Jedi spoke of passion as being the path to the dark side. He had always known that to be a fallacy, but yet he had never perceived it as a pathway in the _opposite_ direction. If anything, every second of passion he felt for and shared with Rey simply took him further and further away from the dark.

The light came easier now when he meditated, and it didn’t burn like it used to. Yes, there was still a deep challenge to embrace it wholeheartedly, and also pain - especially when all the terrible things he had done in his life, all the crimes, all the misguided actions, were cast into harsh relief in its glare. But Ben was nothing if not used to pain, and so he embraced it gladly, recognising it as the price of healing.

Most of all though, the song of the Force was strong and joyful, both when he and Rey were together, and when he immersed himself in the light. There was a sense that everything was right in the galaxy, and though he knew distant battles still raged between the remnants of the First Order and the Resistance, there was the sense that the arc of history was finally curving towards something _better_. The feeling he had sought out, at the head of the First Order, that sense of accomplishment and of meaning, he now found in his life on the island with Rey. Apparently all it took was for him to fall in love with a girl.

*

It was now twelve days into his stay there, and Ben was at last beginning to consider a path forward where he might return to the Resistance and answer for his crimes. Rey had silently pressed the code for his mother’s new personal communicator into his mind a week ago, without saying a word, and the numbers and letters had sat within him heavily ever since. He had been thinking increasingly of Leia recently, often battling with a confusing mixture of both guilt and resentment as Rey slept. Several times, when he felt he was being consumed by his thoughts, he had slid out of the bed in the deepest part of the night, and walked out of the hut to gaze up at the stars. He had always found the expanse of space meditative, and when he was with the First Order had often stood staring out of the transparisteel viewports in an attempt to calm his fractured thoughts. On Ahch-To, on those sleepless nights, he would crane his neck up to the sky, letting the starlight fill his field of vision. He would stand there and think about all the pain he had put her his mother through in her life, wondering if it was possible for him ever forgive himself, pondering if it was, at last, time to go home.

Twelve days, and he truly believed he had closed himself off to the darkness on the island.

Until tonight.

Ben had been haunted by nightmares all of his life, for as long as he could remember. Such dreams had only truly receded once he had reached the island and was so often in Rey’s presence. Her light, burning bright next to him every night, had seemed to chase away his blackest night time imaginings, and when he did sleep it was more peaceful than it had ever been. But tonight, as he slumbered, somehow dark energies came slithering into his sleep, even though she slept close at his side, and he felt the dark wrap him and drag him under in its terrifying suffocating grasp.

In his dream, Ben sat in a meditative pose, his eyes closed. All was quiet and still, the only sensation discernible was the feeling of a distinctive pyramidal shape in his hands. He ran his hands over it. The edges were framed by cool metal, which was forged into an intricate design at its peak. He fluttered his eyes open and looked down, only to be met with the baleful red glare of a Sith holocron awakening in his hands.

 _Impossible_ , he thought, _I destroyed all that I could find along with the flagship_.

However, the energy which streamed from this one was more intense than any he had felt before. It was a sucking, dragging feeling, which seemed to gobble up every bit of the light inside him. It left him a hollow vessel, nothing but a shell into which the darkness emanating from the holocron could stream. He felt that familiar hollow maw opening in his belly, the deep despair which had plagued nearly all of his life in the dark. He dropped the holocron to the floor as if it had burned his fingers, and tried to pull on the light, but it just...wasn’t there. The light from the holocron grew, crimson like his saber and all consuming. It bathed his body in its evil light and seemed to sink its way down through his skin, the sickly red stroking at the insides of his flesh, flaring through the marrow of his bones. He felt it move through him, wrapping its way around the white of his skeleton, grasping until he felt like a tree strangled by a vine.

Finally, the sides of the holocron fell away, and the light spilled out, leaving a swirling blackness at its heart which twisted and contorted in strange shapes. Ben watched on in horror as the shapes ultimately resolved themselves into a hooded figure that rose darkly out of the floor. Underneath that hood he could make out a lined and disfigured face, sunken sallow flesh from which two sharp eyes peered, looking at him intently. _Snoke._

“Ahhh, my young apprentice.” The voice sputtered and bubbled, making him feel sick as the sound of it sunk into him. “At last, you have found me.”

Ben scrambled back on the floor, eyes riveted to the dark figure. “You- you’re dead,” he insisted. “I killed you. You have no power over me any more.”

“You also killed your father, yet his memory still has power over your soul, does it not?” An image flashed in front of Ben's eyes - his father's forgiving eyes, the gentle press of his calloused hand against his cheek before he toppled from the bridge. “That stain on your soul marks you as a son of the darkness. One such as you should not be an acolyte of the light, it is not who you are,” Snoke told him harshly.

“Yes, it…” Ben began to insist brokenly, only to be met with a grim chuckle from the hooded figure.

“You claim not to know yourself? No to know the darkness that festers at the very centre of your soul? You think you can bathe yourself in the light and that darkness will fall away?” the voice grew louder, more commanding. “To think such things is weakness. Unacceptable. You know what you are, I know what you are, and the girl….the girl knows at her core what you are as well.”

“No-” Ben began, holding up a hand as if to ward off the dark presence. “I am finding balance...I...I…” the darkness twisted through him, and his protestations sounded weak even to his ears. He reached desperately for the light, but it was as if something were blocking him. He could sense it there, but it was well out of reach, far beyond his searching grasp.

Snoke laughed delightedly at his weak efforts, and Ben felt that seeping despair filling him up again. “Come back to yourself,” the voice crooned. The figure extended its hand and crooked its finger, and a memory of pain ran its way down Ben’s back, setting his spine on fire. “Come back to the darkness. It’s where you belong.” Snoke suddenly jerked his hand forward, and Ben was hit with a blinding pain between his eyes that had him falling onto his back and scrabbling desperately at his face.

“Ben?” a sleepy voice came from next him. He whipped his head to the side, seeing the sunken embers of the fire still glowing in the centre of the hut, felt the gentle scratch of the woolen blankets against his skin, and realised that he was finally awake.

“Ben, are you ok?” Rey's tone was concerned, and he turned to face her, still breathing heavily.

“It’s just a nightmare,” he reassured her, stroking her hair to try and soothe her back to sleep. “Nothing to worry about. Sleep, sweetheart.” She mumbled sleepily under his hands, then drifted back off. Ben rolled over onto his back again, thinking furiously.

Why this dream? Why now? He sensed inside himself with the Force, finding the usual light and dark within that had been present his whole life. Right now though, the light was more quiescent and the dark was moving like a relentless tide lapping at the edges of his emotions. He wiped his hand over his face again with trembling fingers, and gently pushed his awareness out around him and into the rest of the island, checking vigilantly for any type of threat. He could find no presences other than that of the slumbering caretakers and the myriad of island wildlife, but as Snoke’s laugh echoed through his memory, he felt a deep and painful tug on his awareness. He allowed himself to follow it’s call, to drift down through the rock and stone of the island, his consciousness finally coming to rest in a chasm underneath, where the salt sea lapped against rock, and on a platform above it, a mirror…

He shuddered, tearing his mind back suddenly. Of course, the dark nexus. It was calling to him. After his last connection with it he had managed to keep himself closed off, but somehow it had found him in his sleep. He began methodically setting barriers in his mind, attempting to close himself off from any dark influence, but through his feet he could still feel that heavy vibration of it beneath the island. No matter how much he tried to close his Force senses, a part of his awareness lingered upon it, and Snoke’s words echoed through his head over and over. _That stain on your soul marks you as a son of the darkness….one such as you should not be an acolyte of the light...it is not who you are...come back to the darkness…_

Frustrated, he tore himself from the bed. Throwing on his clothes, he grabbed his saber from the table and stalked outside. The sky had changed from the deep black of night, and the first grey hints of dawn were threading through the darkness, the stars beginning to dim. Ben began to move, taking himself through lightsaber forms, forcing his mind to think only of his body, the shift of muscle and bone, forcing his attention to stay focused only on the next form and then the next.

He had been training for two hours, when the door to the hut squeaked open, and Rey appeared. She looked as radiant as always, and the sight of her with a blanket around her shoulders, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, sent a stab of sudden love and protectiveness through him. He would do anything for this girl who had become his whole world. He wanted nothing more than to be worthy of her, to shed the man he once had been. She was looking at him consideringly, tilting her head just slightly to the side and chewing on her lip.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, cutting straight to the point.

Ben lowered his saber and brushed a sweaty lock of hair from his eyes. “Bad dreams,” he told her.

She gave him a sympathetic look, before reaching out with her mind to his. Her eyes widened slightly as her consciousness brushed against his. “I know,” he said grimly. “The darkness is with me today.”

She yawned widely, not bothering to cover her mouth, before stumbling over to him. “You’ve been doing so well though Ben, and we always knew there may be slight setbacks. It doesn’t mean anything,” she insisted.

He nodded slowly. He wondered whether to tell her about the way the dark nexus was calling out to him even now. It could not find entrance to his mind as he had secured his defences against it too well, but beyond that he could feel its seductive tug, like a riptide pulling at his soul. In the end he decided against telling her, both not wanting to worry her and also confident that he was powerful enough to deal with the issue himself.

She came towards him, opening her arms, exposing her naked body to the fresh air. “I’m all sweaty,” he told her.

“I don’t care,” she responded, opening the blanket wide to sweep him into the circle of her arms, her body pressed deliciously against his. He buried his nose in her hair, smelling the sweet scent of her, letting it infuse his mind, and he felt immediately comforted. With Rey in his arms, the seductive pull of the dark nexus seemed to recede into the distance, as his sense in the Force was filled instead with her pulsating light and sheer goodness. He held her to himself tightly, anchoring himself in the moment and in her presence.

*

The next few nights were the same, dreams of his former master, chiding him, wheedling for him to turn back to the dark. He never once gave in, despite the way in those dreams the darkness would fill up his chest and throat until he felt like he was drowning alive. Each night in the small hours, after jerking awake, he left the lulling warmth of their bed and trained for hours until the twin suns rose again and she found him out there on the grass. He wrapped himself in her, in her presence, in her body, losing himself in the slide of their skin together and the sweetness of her lips on his. He went doggedly to the Jedi temple every afternoon, immersing himself in its light power. The dark Force nexus still called to him, tugging at his awareness constantly, but he felt strong and stable enough to resist it. Though Snoke told him nightly that he was a son of the darkness, the furious light which had never been doused inside him - even through the long years with Snoke - told him that he could be more than that, that he had _always_ been more than that.

On the fifth morning after his nightmares began again, Rey went down to the Falcon to comm his mother. Ben still hadn’t quite worked himself up to that again, though he felt he was inching closer and closer day by day. The idea of speaking to her was no longer this terrifying unknown. Though his last conversation with her had been stiff and formal, as he relayed the intelligence she required for a coordinated attack on what was left of the First Order, there was something in him which was undeniably glad to hear her voice after all these years. Where he had been reserved and slightly cold as he reeled off coordinates and weapons data, her tone had been warm and welcoming, and it evoked something of childhood in him.

He sat eating his porridge on the hillside, musing over his relationship with his mother and looking at the ocean. He glimpsed the twisting body of a large serpent briefly surfacing from the water before undulating back underneath the surface, and watched the patterns of the swell and the white froth at the peaks of the waves. He jumped to his feet, alert when he sensed Rey’s presence coming back up the hill. She was agitated and stressed about something, and as she grew closer he could see that she had an unhappy look on her face. He pressed at her mind, asking what was wrong, but she just stamped up the rest of the hill before sitting down heavily next to him, looking at the horizon darkly.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked softly.

She took his large hand between her warm ones, squeezing at him in comfort.

“I have to go back,” she said shortly.

Ben’s stomach felt as if it were dropping through the floor. Go back? Lose her? He wasn’t ready yet! And what of her safety? He wouldn’t be there to protect her. The risk was too great.

She must have sensed the urgent spike in his emotions, because she slid one hand around his back, hugging him close into her. “Not permanently. Just for a few days. There’s some kriffing gala they’re having on a Resistance friendly planet. Apparently it’s ‘important for the Last Jedi to be there.’ There are potential allies and sponsors attending, most of whom want to meet me…” she trailed off sounding mildly disgusted, but Ben heaved a silent sigh of relief. Only a few days. She would come back again. That should be manageable, even though his heart twisted at the thought of not being with her. He pursed his lips.

“It’s just a few days-” he began.

“It’s not the point,” she interrupted angrily. “I should be here supporting you. We’ve made so much progress, I don’t like leaving you here alone. Plus I _hate_ these type of things. I have to make nice with the rich and powerful who I don’t particularly care about, I have to wear a kriffing _dress_ apparently.”

She had her chin in that stubborn set, and he couldn’t help but look at her adoringly. She was always so fierce, especially when it came to him, and he took great pleasure in her fiery nature. Plus, the thought of Rey in a dress was extremely...distracting.

“I _know_ that this is how I'm important to the war effort,” she continued. “I _know_ we need as many allies as we can get. I just hate being paraded around like that, and having to socialise with so many others...ugh.” She picked up a small stone and hurled it down the hill.

“My mother is an expert at politics,” he began. “It’s been her whole life. If she feels you need to be there, then she is probably right. It sounds important Rey, you need to go.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, her irises flashing hazel to green in her anger. “What about you though?”

“What about me?” he retorted. “I have to learn to stand on my own two feet against the darkness at some stage.” He leaned forward cupping her cheek. “You have helped me immeasurably. I’ll be fine. The only thing that really bothers me is not having a chance to see you in that dress.”

She huffed, as if frustrated, before muttering “Kriffing dresses,” and leaning into him. He felt her energy calm somewhat as they both came to terms with the idea of her leaving for a few days.

“When do you need to go?” he asked softly.

“This kriffing afternoon, if I’m to get there on time.” her voice was resigned, and she nuzzled into his upper arm.

Ben nodded to himself. “We’ll be back together before you know it,” he reassured her, trying to quell a rising tide of anxiety over her wellbeing.

*

They trained that morning, before going to the temple to meditate. He pressed her hard when they duelled, seeking to reassure himself that she had as many tricks in her pockets as possible to defend herself, as anxiety about her safety gnawed away at him.

In the afternoon he went down to the Falcon, looked over the engines, and then ran through the startup sequence while Rey packed, making system checks to ensure all would be well. His hands moved familiarly over the controls and he was hit by a bittersweet memory of sitting in his father’s lap as he guided his hands over the controls for the first time. Such memories always brought pain and a clawing guilt, but within them was also a sense of something sweeter, clearer for him to perceive now that his mind wasn’t so clouded in the dark. The sheer love in his father’s eyes. Always longed for by Ben, rarely spoken by Han, but now looking back through the lens of the light, shining out so clearly to him.

His fingers twitched over the comm as he sat alone in the cockpit, his mother’s personal code burning a hole in his mind. Almost without thinking, his fingers flew over the buttons, and he watched in horrified fascination as the call began to connect.

“Leia Organa,” his mother answered in her rich voice, and he was seized by a sudden pang of nostalgia. The sound of her voice brought about a memory of the strong scent of gingerbells, so intense it was almost tangible in the air, and his stomach squeezed with both remembrance and nerves. She sounded tired yet happy. She would be clearly in her element coordinating the destruction of the regime, and at her best organising events such as these, wheedling money from sponsors for starships and infrastructure. She always was good at working a room.

“Rey? Is that you?” Her voice wavered slightly, as if with a long buried hope, and he fought with himself not to disconnect the call. His throat was dry and there was a lump stuck somewhere in it, but he forced himself to speak around it.

“Uhhh... Mom?”

There was a silence, and then her voice flooded the cockpit, warm and excited. “Ben! Oh son, it’s so good to hear from you again. How are you?”

“...I’m ok,” Ben replied hesitantly, his voice cracking over the words, as tears threatened at the backs of his eyes.

“I am glad to hear it. Did you have some more intelligence for us?” The hopeful tone in her voice cut at him in his deepest places. He fought to get a control over his spiralling emotions, to pull himself together.

“No, actually. I...uh...I wanted to talk to you about Rey.”

“Ah, the gala,” his mother replied, realisation seeping through her tone. “I’m sorry Ben, I know you two are working and training together, but we need her here urgently. We are trying to secure the funds that we need to rebuild our fleet back up to scratch, and to begin the process of establishing a new government.”

“I understand,” he affirmed. “What about her safety while there? She is a target for First Order sympathisers, as is your gala. Where is it?”

“Naboo,” she answered.

Of course. His grandmother’s homeworld, forever loyal to that cause of first the Rebellion and then the Resistance. He sighed, somewhat relieved. The planet had the Royal Naboo Security Forces, as well as its own defense fleet composed of N-1 Starfighters, adequate ships - if not precisely the most agile.

“You have coordinated with the security forces and the fleet there, I assume?”

“Of course,” his mother answered. “Commander Dameron is dealing with the fleet personally.”

 _Dameron_. Ben felt a flare of jealousy. Would Rey see him while she was there? The man, while unspeakably annoying, was also undeniably handsome and charming. That thought only led to other similar ones, and he swallowed down on the thought of Rey all dressed up at the gala, the men’s eyes that would be on her, men who would no doubt jockey for position to woo the Last Jedi.

“You will ensure she comes to no harm,” he snapped. It wasn’t a question, and no doubt his mother heard it in his tone, as she sounded mildly irritated when she replied.

“ _Of course_. Rey is precious to many of us too Ben. You are not the only one who loves her... You always were bad at sharing,” she grumbled. “You have my word that she will be protected at all times. No harm will come to her.”

 _Not the only one who loves her…_. So his mother knew. Of course she did. She always had a preternatural sense for such things.

“And what of you?” his mother asked after the silence had stretched for a while, interrupting his thoughts.

“What of me?”

Leia gave a long suffering sigh that crackled through the comm. “Will things be alright without Rey there?”

He started to bristle at her concern, the waters of darkness becoming turbulent around him. “Don’t worry mother, I won’t go off on a rampage and burn the entire galaxy to the ground, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said sharply.

“Oh Ben,” she said. So much was conveyed in her voice. Love. Exasperation. Sadness. Longing.

Ben forced the dark away from himself, breathing on the light and, pulling on it as he had learned to do at the temple, steadying himself. He forced himself to recognise that his mother’s fears were both valid and rational.

“I apologise for my tone,” he said. It came out stiffly, even though he was filled with genuine remorse. “What I mean to say is that there’s no cause for concern. You needn’t fear I'll return to the dark. Rey has shown me a different way.”

There was silence for a moment, and then, “I know that. I’m not asking because I’m worried you’ll turn. I’m asking because I'm concerned for your wellbeing while Rey’s away. I’m asking because I’m your mother and I love you.”

Ben was left wordless. Her concern and affection, her love, was so easily expressed. After so long away, after all that he had done, part of him still wanted to believe that she could only see him as the monster who took her husband away. He fought with the darkness in him to fully comprehend the love she still held for him, and he willed himself to answer her in kind.

“I have to go,” he choked out, unable to get the words out.

She sighed. “Of course. Take care of yourself son. And call again soon?”

“OK,” he gritted out before flicking the comm off, sitting back heavily in the captain’s seat, his thoughts and feelings turbulent, his mind consumed with memories of his parents.

He sat lost in his memories, the shipping humming gently underneath him until he heard the sound of Rey beginning to fastidiously evict families of porgs from the rest of the ship. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose until he felt the warm brush of her mind against his. He looked up, and she was there in the cockpit entrance looking at him, her hair pulled back into its traditional three buns. She walked over and slid into his lap, her arms coming around his neck, fingers playing with the ends of the hair that brushed his neck as he let her skim through his thoughts.

“You commed your mother?” she said, surprised.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“How was it?” she asked encouragingly.

He shrugged. “Awkward. Painful. Difficult. But it was the right thing to do.”

She nodded in understanding, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Well done, Ben.”

They just held each other for a while, Ben imprinting upon his mind the scent of her, the soft weight of her in his arms, the warm feeling of her cheek pressed to his, memories he could turn over in his mind once she finally left, memories to anchor him while she was gone. Eventually Rey pulled back. She looked pensive, and he watched as an array of emotions passed through her eyes.

“I don’t like this,” she admitted. “Leaving you here. It doesn’t feel right.”

He hummed, stroking the backs of his fingers down her cheek. “It’ll be fine Rey, you’ll see. I can do this, just please believe in me.”

“I do, of course I do,” she soothed before placing a soft kiss in his lips. “I will miss you.”

“And I you,” he told her.

There was nothing more that needed to be said between them, the bond told them everything they needed to know. It was filled with tenderness, devotion, longing, love ...though he hadn’t yet spoken that word to her, afraid of how it may be received. Not because of anything Rey had done, but because Ben had for so long believed love was weakness. Even though he knew now that his love for her only strengthened him, there was still a raw vulnerability in admitting his feelings to her. Never the best at giving up control, he was hyper-aware of the tremendous power over him it would hand to her. Though he trusted her with his heart, and knew she would take the best care of it that she could, he feared time or circumstance would tear them apart someday and that that bit of himself he gave to her would be forever lost. Deep down, he knew he would be lost either way, whether he spoke the words to her or not, but he comforted himself with this little fiction for now.

He kissed her and it felt as magical as it had the first time, her mouth sweet and willing under his insistent lips. He bathed himself utterly in her presence, unwilling to let go of her for even a second, but eventually he felt her resignation and reluctance drift across the bond.

_I...I have to go, if I am to make it on time._

_I know. Please Rey, be very careful, there are First Order sympathisers out there. Promise me that you’ll keep your lightsaber on you at all times?_ he begged her.

_I promise. I’m sure that Leia will have tight security in place; and I can look after myself, I lasted all those years on Jakku._

He brushed a lock of hair back behind her ear. _Be wary too of those who would use you for their own selfish purposes. The world of politics holds different dangers to life on Jakku,_ he told her.

And then, alas, their time was up. A last tender kiss, and he exited down the ramp, watching from the cliff edge as the Falcon disappeared into the grey sky, feeling the bond between them stretching thinner and thinner the further she accelerated away from him. Only a few days, he reminded himself. Then they would be back together and he would know that she was safe and well.

Ignoring the siren’s wail of the dark nexus beneath him, Ben turned and walked back up the hill with heavy feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I have been alternating chapters between Ben's and Rey's POV, however the next chapter will be a Ben chapter too. As you may have surmised, our boy is going to be facing some darkness on his own, so expect at least some angst.
> 
> Also, i've been managing to update every week for the last few weeks, however i have some Life Stuff going on and want to do the next chapter justice, so it's going to be longer than a week for the next chapter i'm afraid. I'm hoping to be able to post it in 2 weeks though.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Ben found almost immediately that the lack of Rey’s presence gave him entirely too much time to think. After she left, he spent the remainder of the day stewing in his own anxiety about her safety, and though he knew she was still in the midst of travel, he couldn’t help but reach out and touch her mind to reassure himself that she was well. He trained again, working through the Forms and pushing his body to the limit in an attempt to block out his worries and his longing for her. It didn’t work. Though she was only a few hours gone, he wished hard for the bond to connect them, to take him to her as she flew through the stars at light speed. The bond had always been fickle though when it came to his desire to connect with Rey. This time the Force didn’t favour him, and he remained alone. 

He caught a fish for dinner - a remarkably ugly looking purple and green specimen, but which nevertheless had plenty of flesh on it - and cooked some of the small tubers Rey had been trying to cultivate in the sparse soil of the island, to eat with it. He went to the temple before sunset, and meditated on the cool stone outside it. He could still sense remnants of Luke’s force signature there, could still feel the desperate and phenomenal effort Luke had exerted through the Force to meet him on Crait. The stone beneath him still remembered the warm press of Luke’s body upon it, and the moment when his spirit passed from the physical world into the Force. 

Ben’s feelings around Luke were still complicated. Standing more in the light now, he had a keener sense of appreciation for what his master had been trying to achieve in keeping him away from the dark side, while also still recognising that the way Luke had gone about it had been entirely wrong. He still found it hard to forgive the attempt on his life - and though Rey had reassured him that it was merely a flash of momentary madness in Skywalker’s mind, it still stung keenly. The fact that Luke saw Darth Vader as redeemable, but a glimpse of darkness - which had not even yet happened - in his nephew had caused him to consider killing him seemed bizarre to him. What about him was so irredeemable, that he was more lost than Vader, even before he was yet fully Kylo Ren? Ben could not make sense of it, and thought that he never would.

Though his fall to the dark had been long coming, due to Snoke’s presence in his mind since birth, it was still his uncle that had edged him over that final precipice and who had precipitated the destruction of the temple and the deaths of most of its students. That blood coated both his and Skywalker’s hands equally. 

Ben watched the suns sink one after the other into the ocean, bright copper coins sliding down into the unfathomably deep waters. He walked back down to the hut in the gloaming , and set a fire in the central firepit, pulling out one of the Jedi texts and resting it on his lap to read. He leaned back against the side of the bed and began to scan the pages, finding that his eyelids were heavy from his repeatedly broken sleep over the last few nights. He must have nodded off, lulled by the crackle of the fire and the warm food in his stomach, because next thing he knew, he was coming awake suddenly, with a crick in his neck. Goosebumps immediately prickled all over his body, and he shot to his feet, as the overwhelming sense that he was being watched came over him. He looked around the room. Nothing. He cast his awareness out over the sleeping island. Still nothing. And yet still the sensation persisted. He felt as if he were under the scrutiny of some giant eye, like a bug on a table, his body and soul being raked over, assessed, and found wanting. 

A dull roar began in his ears. At first he thought it was the blood in his own veins and capillaries, but the sound only grew louder. He ran to the door of the hut, threw it wide and looked wildly around, but the noise seemed to be coming from within him rather than from any external source. He felt a tickle on his top lip and swept his hand across it, only to find that his nose was bleeding. His head swam and it was impossible to concentrate, impossible to think, while he was consumed by this vast wall of white noise that resonated through his very bones. The last thing he saw was the fire tilting sideways as he fell to the floor. 

*

Ben awoke in the morning, the rough earth floor pressing uncomfortably into his cheek. Curious, he wiped his hand underneath his nose - but it came back clear of any flecks of dried blood. He heaved a sigh of relief. It was a dream, then. The unnerving sensation of being watched by a power vaster and more immense than his own, the roaring in his head had simply been a product of his slumering mind. He decided there and then not to eat that particular type of fish again - perhaps the green scales had been an indicator of some type of poison which had caused him to hallucinate or have strange dreams. 

However, he couldn’t deny that something was different this morning. The world felt a little sideways, as though there were something slightly off he couldn’t put his finger on. The sights and the sounds of the island didn’t bring him the level of comfort that they normally did. Maybe it was just that Rey was gone, he mused, and every day so far on the island had been marked by her presence from sun-up to sundown. Maybe he was still suffering the after effects of eating that poison fish.

He spent the morning pushing a basic wooden wheelbarrow up and down the hill, helping one of the diminutive caretakers move rocks in order to carry out some apparent renovations on the huts. He worked on the roof of one of them, under her shrill tutelage, and though he understood only about every third word she said, they appeared to comprehend each other perfectly well. The caretakers didn’t like Rey. Scandalised by her previous visit when his uncle was still on the island, they either avoided her or complained at her shrilly whenever she passed by. However they appeared, for some reason, to have taken to him. The manual labour grounded him and calmed his mind, rooting him in the here and now and taking away some of the strange feeling which still lingered within him. 

After lunch he went up to the Jedi temple, as was his habit. He sat in mediation by the still pool and tried to sense within the Force what it was that didn’t feel quite right. He checked in with Rey, but from the little he could tell at this distance, all appeared to be well. He threaded his awareness through the energy of the Force that surrounded him...and then he found it. 

Like a great wound festering within the very body of the island, the dark nexus was more active than ever. It swirled beneath the roots of the island, and shadowy tendrils of its energy reached out to him, plucking at the darkest places of his mind, trying to hook into him when his own darkness awoke in response. He studiously ignored it, immersing himself in his meditation, letting the tides of the Force rock and lull him. 

Eventually at some point in his meditation, he became peripherally aware of a presence nearby. It was muted in the Force, dimmer and somehow more intangible than the bright flares of Force energy emitted by the wildlife on the island. Nevertheless, a thrill of panic went through him. His eyes flew open and searched desperately around the cavern to find the source of the Force signature. His eyes were drawn to the large opening that led out to the cliffside and to what Rey had told him was his uncle’s meditation stone. The air around the huge grey stone was rippling and swirling, glowing with a ghostly blue light that was fast gathering into the unmistakable outline of a humanoid, and Ben felt a sense of foreboding as the realisation of what may be happening sunk into him. His whole body tensed as the solitary figure filled in with fast sharpening details; black robes robes in a roughspun fabric,a wide leather belt, a craggy and weathered face with a beard, blue eyes holding a maddeningly enigmatic look. His uncle. Surrounded by an eldritch blue light which wavered softly in the breeze, Luke's form was translucent and insubstantial in the sunlight, but as he stepped towards the dark of the cavern he seemed to become more solid.

He came to his feet, dropping into a defensive crouch as Luke regarded him from across the cave. He looked exactly as he did the very last time Ben had seen him on Crait, when they had fought. Ben’s heart was hammering with adrenaline, and he was struggling for control over his feelings as a mixture of shame, regret, anger, and resentment roiled through him. He frowned at the ghostly man from across the pool of water. 

“Hey, kid,” his Uncle said, his voice as strong and resonant as when he had been alive. Many times, as a youth, Ben had been subject to Luke's tone in varying degrees of disappointment and exasperation. If he was brutally honest with himself, there had, at times, been pride in that voice as well. Yet, he had felt that any pride was always somewhat tempered by a wariness Luke held for the darkness within him. Even expressions of approval had always been diluted by that fact, and Ben had felt like a perpetual disappointment . He looked across suspiciously at the Force ghost.

“Uncle,” he replied stiffly, inclining his head just slightly. 

His uncle let out a long suffering sigh before moving fully into the cavern. As he stepped deeper into the shadows, his form became more substantial, the gentle blue around his body seeming to brighten in the darkness. He moved closer to Ben who straightened up, regarding him warily. They just watched each other for a few moments across the still water of the pool in the centre of the cave.

“Ben,” said his uncle. “I’m so proud of you.” And there was no doubt, no wariness in his uncle’s voice as he spoke the words.

Ben felt disbelief thrum through his body like an electric shock. This was the last thing he had expected to hear. All his bitter words fell away, lost in the sense of acceptance and pride he could see shining from the eyes of the man across from him. 

“Why have you come?” he asked Luke, simply and in an even tone. 

Luke gestured to the floor at Ben’s feet as he gently lowered himself down, and Ben followed suit until they sat across the pool looking at each other.

“The force moves in mysterious ways, who knows what its intent is in bringing us together right now,” his uncle responded and Ben snorted derisively. 

“Please don’t give me half formed riddles, uncle. I’m...having a difficult day.”

“I know, I can see that,” Luke answered wryly. “Perhaps that’s why I’m here. I heard you out there in the vast web of the Force, I could feel you struggling with the darkness in this place.”

“It keeps calling to me,” Ben replied, frustrated. 

“Then perhaps you should answer that call,” his uncle replied. 

Ben narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. “What? I would have thought that’s the last thing you’d suggest.”

Luke shrugged fractionally. “Death has given me some perspective. It has allowed me to look back over my life, to see where all my choices led. Ben…” he lifted his hand as though to reach towards his nephew. “I’m so sorry,” he said simply. 

Ben could feel a swell of emotion rising at the back of his throat. Skywalker, post death, was not what he expected. He had no answer for him, so he just held his peace, and eventually Luke continued. 

“I let you down. I let the darkness in you consume both of us. I betrayed you in a way which no uncle should ever betray their nephew. Most of all, I didn't recognise or give you the level of support you needed in facing and conquering the dark. Much of what has befallen the galaxy since then is my responsibility.”

Ben shook his head. “I made my own choices,” he replied. “I see that now.”

“Yes,” Luke continued. “But you ultimately made the choice to turn from the dark. And for that, I am so proud of you.”

“Then why do you say I should answer the call of the dark nexus?” Ben demanded, confused. 

“Because, kid, that girl of yours has got you this far. Now she’s gone, you’re gonna have to stand on your own two feet if you want to find that balance you’re so desperately craving.” Luke shifted a little on the floor, bringing his hand up to point his finger across at Ben. ”You have to look that darkness right in the face, see what it has to say to you, and then deny it on your own terms.”

“What if i’m not strong enough,” Ben replied, his voice trembling. “What if it consumes me again? If I can’t resist its pull?”

“If we lived our lives on ‘what ifs’ then no progress would ever be made,” Luke said sagely, and Ben rolled his eyes. 

“Seriously, Uncle Luke, I can't be sure that I won’t fall to it again.”

“And yet, facing it and beating it now is the only way you will ever be able to guarantee that you won’t ever fall to it again,” his uncle replied gently. “I believe in you.”

Again, Ben found himself stunned and lost for words. 

“Tell me about my apprentice,” Luke asked, changing the subject suddenly. Ben fumbled for an answer. 

“She’s...doing well,” he answered lamely.

Luke chuckled knowingly. “Oh come on kid, do you think I don’t know what’s going on? You think i don’t feel the reverberations in the Force when the two of you are together? You think all of us don’t?” He gestured vaguely at the air around him. Ben could feel his cheeks flush as he wondered exactly how much his uncle had seen of what they had been up to, and what myriad of force ghosts had been watching over the both of them as well. 

Luke leaned forward, his eyes serious and his tone becoming urgent. “Do you understand what the two of you are?”

He looked at his uncle confused. “What we are? I don’t understand.”

“You’re a dyad in the Force, Ben. Two that are one. This is the nature of your bond. Such is your power.”

Ben looked at him open mouthed. A dyad had been unseen for generations. The last he knew of from the histories was the complex and tragic tale of Revan and Bastila. “But that’s not possible-” he began.

“Search yourself,” Luke interrupted him. “Is this not something you have known all along, deep down?”

Ben considered for a moment. Suddenly, with startling clarity, he felt the truth of what Luke was telling him, and felt the rightness of that thought resonate through the Force around him. It made perfect sense. It explained it all - their connection through the Force, the ability to make light years mean nothing and appear to each other from across the galaxy; the way he could sense what she was thinking and how she was feeling; the indescribable feeling of being made complete when the both of them were together; they way they could fight together, both of them complementing each other while moving solely on instinct; their enhanced power when they made physical contact; the profound and unexplainable love he held - had always held in many ways, since the first day he laid eyes on her - for the small scavenger with the freckles. His head spun with the enormity of it. 

Luke’s eyes twinkled, and creased at the corner as he smiled. “Oh kid, you’ve got it bad. You had no chance from the moment you met her did you?”

“But you told her not to come to me on the Supremacy,” Ben objected. 

Luke shook his head sadly. “I didn’t know the truth of it until I became one with the Force. And anyway, you weren’t ready to hear that truth back then. But now,” he gestured across the pool at Ben. “Now you are.”

Warmth suffused Ben’s body as he sat and thought over what he had just discovered. All he had ever wanted in life was to belong, and now...this. The feeling of wholeness and completeness was indescribable, and for a moment he wished desperately that Rey were there to share this moment with him. It all made sense. The way he currently felt like his soul has been sundered in two because they were currently apart, and the irresistible magnetic pull towards her. He shook his head at himself, a soft smile playing along the corner of his lips. 

Luke heaved himself to his feet and looked down at him. “Face that darkness, Ben, and then you’ll be ready.”

“Ready for what?” Ben replied, dazedly.

“Ready to go home,” his uncle responded, winking at him once and smiling, before his form faded from view. 

Ben was left with the word ‘home’ seeming to echo and resonate from the stone walls around him, before fading into nothing but the drip of water and the hollow sound of the wind blowing through the doorways of the cavern. 

He made his way back down the hill, the sky darkening with heavy clouds now, but he felt lighter on his feet than ever. The knowledge that Rey was his other half filled him with a peculiar lightness of spirit. He felt stronger than he had in years at the moment, and briefly considered visiting the dark Force nexus right there and then. However as the first drops of rain began he grimaced and decided against it. A hearty meal, some further meditation and a good night's sleep would stand him in better stead for facing whatever the dark had to show him. 

*

That night, he dreamed of Snoke again. This time, as his old master sprung from the light of the holocron in his hands, he stood and reached for the saber at his belt immediately, only to find his grasp empty. His saber was, instead, hovering in front of Snoke, and as he watched his old master flexed his fist and his saber crumpled in on itself. He felt the moment that the crystal crumbled, crushed under the immense pressure of his former master’s Force abilities, and he could actually feel the agonised scream of it reverberating through his body. 

“No!” He screamed, stepping towards his Snoke, but he found himself unable to move a centimetre further as though glued to the floor.

“Oh, my young apprentice,” Snoke crooned. “How will you fight me now?” he flicked his finger and an agonising pain licked its way over Ben’s skull. “Come back Kylo Ren. Come back to your true self. You can forge a new saber darker than any other has wielded in thousands of years. A new teacher will show you the way. You can begin a new glorious Empire of darkness. All the galaxy will fall under your sway.”

Snoke’s voice was hypnotic. Panicked, Ben tethered a secret part of his mind to the knowledge that he was one half of a whole, using that thought to steady himself. 

“No,” he ground out. “I know what you are. You are the darkness itself bearing the face of my former master. I will not return to you, not now, not ever.”

Snoke laughed derisively. “But we both know that isn’t true, don’t we, my young apprentice? So sure you are of yourself, now you are steeped in the light.” He laughed again, before thrusting his hand out. “But we shall see.”

Ben’s legs buckled as if they were breaking. It felt as if the bones within them were fracturing into countless pieces, sharp edges grinding against each other. He howled in agony, before coming awake gasping in the dark hut, covered in sweat. Frustrated, he ran his hands over his face, before looking over to the cracks around the doorway, trying to ascertain exactly how long was left of the hours of darkness, and how much more sleep he would be able to get, before he went to find the dark nexus, to end this once and for all. The sky was still full darkness outside, and so after another hour of tossing and turning, Ben eventually managed to fall into a fitful sleep. 

Morning brought with it doubt and uncertainty. Was he really strong enough for this? His mind felt unsettled and unstable, the darkness was singing around him, and like water always finding the lowest level, it found its way through his cracks and into him. Okay, his uncle believed him to be strong enough to do this, but in his experience Luke had been wrong as frequently as he had been right, leading to some questionable decisions and disastrous consequences. Yet, the dark beneath the island still siren-called to him, and he knew in his bones that he would never be free of these dreams unless and until he answered its call. With heavy feet, he made himself breakfast and sat with the doorway of the hut open, looking out at the heavy drizzle and fat bellied clouds currently sitting heavily over the island. Of course, it would be raining today. 

Eventually, he put on his cloak, pulling the hood up and stepping out of the hut, before opening himself to the call of the darkness. It jumped towards him at once, eagerly drawing him towards it with vine-like tendrils hooked into his soul, and he found himself walking to an area of the island he had instinctively stayed clear of up until now. He looked down upon the natural stone platform that came into view before him, shining slick with rain and seawater. In the centre was a hole that yawned blackly, tendrils of seaweed wreathing it and looking through the blur of the rain for all the world like they were writhing. Ben made his way carefully down the cliff, taking his time to find hand and footholds lest he slip. When he eventually stood over the hole looking into its depths, he could feel the immense power that raged beneath, tugging on him, pulling him in and tempting him with whispers of power, of glory, of success and belonging. He shrugged his cloak away and pulled off his tunic and boots, remembering what Rey had told him about the drop into the icy sea water beneath, before stepping forward and allowing his body to plummet into the darkness. 

Clamping his mouth closed against the instinctive gasp of his lungs when his body hit the icy water, he narrowly avoided inhaling, before swimming strongly to the rocky shelf. He hauled himself out of the sea, saltwater streaming from his bare chest and pattering on the rock beneath his feet. His skin goosepimpled in the cold air as he slowly approached the huge mirror stretching the length of the back of the cave. He saw his shadow fall across the cloudy glass, and he could feel the dark vibrating beneath its surface, only a thin membrane separating him from the blackness. Even though the only sound was of the lapping waves against the walls of the cave, Ben’s head was filled with an intense pressure, and his ears were ringing as though in the wake of some giant explosion. The urge to embrace the dark reaching out to him from behind the mirror was stronger than ever, and he felt the inherent darkness within himself rise up and reach out eagerly. Hand trembling, partly with cold and partly in apprehension, he reached out his hand and pressed his palm to the glass. 

The world around him fell away, all smells and sounds of the sea-cave obliterated in a rushing darkness which streamed around him. He felt himself stretched thin, wrung out across miles of space and time, barely able to place his own consciousness in the chaotic surge of energy. Eventually the sensation ebbed, and he felt a firm ground beneath his feet, a warm wind on his face. He opened his eyes. 

Ben found himself upon a parched and dusty land of red rocks and sand. A gentle wind stirred the dust around his feet, covering his boots in a fine film of red. The sky cast an orange light over everything, and when combined with the varying orange-red hue of the landscape behind him, it made for an oppressive environment. To his left was a sheer wall of jagged red rock, a large opening sliced across the middle of it, wide enough for several people to walk abreast into it. There was a fundamental wrongness about the place, he felt, a simmering evil that lurked just under the surface and felt like it would burst forth at any moment. The wind seemed to carry with it the whisper of ancient voices, speaking in a dark language he was familiar with from his studies. The language of the Sith. He took in his surroundings with a dawning sense of both realisation and dread. Moraband. The ancient homeworld of the Sith and the resting place of many great Sith Lords. But why was he here?

One of the whispers stood out amongst the others, seeming to drift specifically into his ears urging him to turn and enter the dark opening in the vast rock. It whispered tempting promises; of power, of victory, of the sweet relief of the darkness. Its tone was wheedling, promising rest and respite if he would only follow its pathway to the source of its power. 

Knowing what he needed to do, Ben turned and entered the opening, following the pathway which spread out before him. As he walked, kicking up dust as he went, his footsteps echoed from the walls of rock, repeating in crazy patterns. The rocky walls sloped downwards and further away the longer he walked, until eventually the chasm gradually opened into a wide valley. Across its expanse, Ben could see it was littered with an assortment of manmade structures which glowed balefully under the orange light. Vast ziggurats and huge hooded statues, dark temples and gaping tomb entrances were scattered all across the valley floor. 

The famous Valley of the Dark Lords, Ben realised. How apt that here he would face his ultimate battle with the dark.

At the far end of the valley, at what he knew was his ultimate destination, lay a huge pyramid, a mausoleum vaster than any of the others. The front face of its architecture was split down the centre, hard edges of stone that plummeted down vertiginously from the top point of the pyramid. It was from within this place that the seductive voice was whipersing across the dusty flats, drawing him ever forwards to the huge arched doorway that sat at its base. As he passed by the other tombs, different voices rose and fell in his ears, sometimes speaking Basic, sometimes the ancient Sith language. As he passed by the various structures, Ben had the distinct feeling that he was being watched, and assessed, that the whispers were speaking with each other about him. It was unnerving. 

Eventually, he reached the end of the valley and found himself standing before the cavernous mouth of the pyramid. Gathering his courage around him, and reminding himself that he was, after all, not actually here in person, he stepped forward into the temple. 

An oppressive darkness immediately fell all around him. He felt his way forward with the Force, working his way slowly towards the roiling energy he could sense at the very centre of the temple. The pathway lightened gradually as he moved, and he finally found himself entering a chamber lit by the ghostly light of torches which he knew instinctively had been flickering for millenia with some ancient magic. At the centre of the chamber was a vast stone tomb giving off a sense of intense darkness, shadows seeming to swirl around its base and rise up from behind it. Ben found himself inexorably drawn towards it as though against his will, as though he was being compelled by the Force. As he drew close, he could feel a presence awakening within, responding to his approach, and the shadows slid across the floor, gathering in front of the giant slab of stone. They coalesced together, blacker than the heart of a black hole, before resolving into the shape of a hooded figure of towering height. Beneath the darkness of the hood were two orange yellow eyes which focused directly on Ben, smouldering and burning with power so intense that they almost looked like flames. The edges of the figure were lined with an orange light which flickered and swirled, the edges of it insubstantial enough for him to realise that this was the spirit of some long dead Sith Lord. He forced his feet to stop, before gritting out, “Who are you?”

The figure laughed, the raw scraping sound of it prickled into Ben’s ears, and he could feel the beginning tendrils of madness beginning to sink their way into the edges of his consciousness. 

“Who am I? Rather, who are you?” The figure replied in an ancient voice, full of dust and blackness. “But-ah!”

At this exclamation, Ben felt an insidious presence slide into his mind, the edges of it burning searingly into him, its darkness attempting to smother the fading light within him. 

“Kylo Ren. Or is it _Ben Solo_?” The figure intoned his true name in a mocking tone. “The son of so called heroes. The greatest disappointment of the darkness, so adept at failure that you returned to the light. There is such power in you. You could have been so much more,” the figure spat in disgust. Before, more softly, “You still could be.”

Ben shook his head, trying to dislodge the furious presence from his mind, but the shadowy figure was raising its hand, and as the flame like eyes only burned brighter, he felt it sink its sharp claws into him more deeply. 

“They call me Darth Bane,” the figure said softly, the name twisting like a knife in his mind, and he took several steps away from the tomb, suddenly filled with a cold fear. “The darkness wills you back to it _Kylo Ren_ , that is why it has brought you here, why it has connected you with my spirit in this nether realm.”

Ben’s mouth filled with a bitter taste at the sound of his old name, but he could hear the doubt in his voice even as he spoke, and a slight waver in it betrayed his doubt. “I will never come back to the dark.”

The figure laughed again. “So many have claimed. But those such as you who are corrupt at the very core of your souls always return to the embrace of the dark. It’s all you’ll ever be. It’s all you ever _can_ be, no matter how much you deny it.”

Ben felt the words sink into his body. He could feel the way that Bane’s mind within him played on his insecurities, tugging them out and raking them over. He could sense the way the dark lord lingered on what Ben was now realising as a deep fear he harboured- that at the core he was nothing but darkness, that he would never amount to any more, that he would fall again, that he could never be the man that Rey wanted him to be. The second he thought of her, he tried to pack the thought away in the deepest corners of his mind. Most of all, he tried to bury the blazing secret which only he and other force ghosts like Luke were privy to, that they were a dyad in the force. But the Sith lord seized on it immediately and overpowered Ben's relatively weak attempts as concealment, grasping at the thought. Ben could feel it as Bane turned the thought around in his mind, looking at it from all angles. 

“Ahhh,” the figure intoned. “All becomes clear. Such power within the two of you and between the two of you. So much so, that the girl turned you to the light...yet you didn’t ever really try to turn her to the dark, despite the darkness within her. Do you understand, truly, what you could have been if she had joined you? Do you grasp what you could accomplish together if you would only both train in the ways of the Sith? The galaxy would never have seen a power like it before.” A tendril of shadow broke loose from the figure, a curl of smoke, moving towards Ben. “Allow me to show you what could be, were you both to come to me to complete your training.” The dark tendril touched Ben’s cheek, and the vision fell away into yet another one. 

He and Rey visiting Moraband together, him leading her by the hand into the Valley of the Dark Lords, and into this vast pyramidal mausoleum. Both of them kneeling before Bane’s tomb as ancient voices whispered to them, the spirits of long dead Sith swirling around them and moving through their bodies. Darth Bane standing before them, bestowing his wisdom as they chanted in the words of a long dead language. The power swelling and overflowing within them and between them, strengthened to gargantuan proportions by their connection in the Force, and now under Bane’s tutelage honed and focused like the keen end of a knife. Him and Rey bringing the remnants of the First Order to heel again, Sith cultists and dark allies flocking towards them, drawn by their boundless power. Them sitting straight backed on thrones of gleaming black obsidian, both of them crowned with circlets of jagged metal and blood red rubies, handing down edicts and judgements, a vast army arrayed before them,. Both of them bringing an eternal order to the galaxy, imposing their rule in a way which brought stability and affluence, but also total obedience - and a peace like never before. All the good that they could do; enemies to be put down mercilessly and allies to be raised up, forever malleable to their needs. Both of them fucking and fighting and raging and running across the galaxy, filled with exhilaration and the assurance of ultimate power. Both of them brimming with their passion for each other and the knowledge that the galaxy was better under their rule. Both of them inextricably entwined forever, a burning dyad in the heart of the Force, a partnership such that none could ever - nor would ever dare to - tear asunder.

He reeled back from the vision gasping. Ancient whispers seemed to chant words around him as the room spun.

“Come to me,” Bane whispered. “Both of you. I have so much to teach you. With the power I bestow upon you, you will be able to rule the galaxy. Power such as you never imagined is within your grasp. You must bring her to Moraband, to the valley of the Dark Lords”

The darkness within him rose up, soothing the frayed corners of his consciousness, his mind habitually falling into familiar pathways worn smooth by the years he spent with Snoke and the First Order. It wasn’t too late for the vision he had been striving for so many years... they could remake the galaxy anew, ruling side by side as he had originally intended when he asked her in the throne room of the Supremacy. He could provide her with comfort such as she had never known. She would want for nothing. She would be protected from everything. After all, what was the alternative? A lifetime tied to a man who would inevitably be named as a war criminal, who was looked down upon and shunned by the rest of the galaxy? Why should she have to tie her name to that? With the skills he could learn from Bane, he could command the respect and obedience of billions. Both of them could. 

He pictured her as he saw her in the vision only moments ago. Dressed in robes of black silk, the creamy skin of her legs peeping through a slit in the side as she stood from her seat on the black throne. Her predatory walk as she ignited a saber-staff with twin blades as crimson as his own, the bleeding crystal at its heart screaming out its agony. Her cruel laugh as she lashed out, slashing down diagonally and sending some hapless rebel to their death. The way that laugh rang out and bounced off the shining obsidian all around them, resonating in his ears discordantly, so at odds with the laugh that he knew and loved. Her face as she turned to him, and he gazed into the yellow of her iris, rimmed by red. 

Even as the dark in him yearned desperately for her, and for the fulfillment of this vision, a stronger part of him, anchored deep inside, flared and reared up, revolting against it. 

No. He would not fall again. And he would never ever let Rey fall. He would continue the path he had chosen for himself now, would step forward into the future with both the light and the dark balanced at his core, and Rey at his side. He would take responsibility for the things he had done, living out the life he had created for himself and seeking to atone for his sins. Moreover, never ever again would he fall for the machinations of others who only wanted to use him to achieve their own ends. He felt the light within him encompass his darkness, whirling into a silent maelstrom of shining energy that made his body tremble. He thrust his hands out towards Bane. 

“I will never come to you,” he told the Sith Lord. “You will stay in your dusty valley and rot along with the other ghosts, forgotten. You will never lay eyes on her, on either of us. And I will _never_ return to the dark.” And then he let go of the power building inside him. A blast of energy steamed through his body, pulsing out from his open palms, so bright he had to squeeze his eyes closed and even then he could see colours flaring in the darkness behind his eyelids. He heard Darth Bane howl in rage. When the light faded and he opened his eyes, Bane’s shadow was fraying into only tatters of black cloth, which in turn fast faded into disappearing wisps of smoke. Ben’s mind was free. 

He came-to kneeling in front of the dark mirror, his hands pressed against it. From where his skin made contact, great cracks spider webbed out across the whole cloudy face of the glass. He breathed heavily. The dark nexus was quiescent now, merely a whisper in the back of his mind. His own darkness bubbled only at the very edges of himself, as the light instead streamed through him strongly. Ben felt more weightless than he had done in decades. It was as though a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders, a weight which he had been staggering underneath for so long, which had threatened to press and grind him into the ground beneath it. It was gone. He felt an unfamiliar sensation inside his chest. Something like the feeling of the rising sun, or the laugh of a child, or the touch of a lover, or hazel eyes flashing green as they gazed into his. _Hope_. He turned his back to the mirror and dived into the water, swimming strongly out of the cave and rounding a promontory of rock until he reached a small pebbled beach and hauled himself out of the sea. 

The suns were setting, the undulating waves glowing like fire as the bright coins of them sank into the distant ocean. The dark of the night was coming, but Ben knew in his core that the dark would never again hold sway over him. He laughed loudly into the cooling air, tears of joy streaming from his eyes and mixing with the saltwater that dripped from the hair plastered to his brow. Hope burned within him brightly. 

He was free.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken a few weeks. This story comes through to me more slowly than the modern-AU I'm writing (which you should totally check out by the way if you fancy a librarian/Author fic!)
> 
> We left Ben in the last chapter having just visited the dark Force nexus and finally conquered the pull of the dark. We now pick up with Rey, just after she left Ahch-To to go to the gala, so the events of this chapter run concurrently with the events of the last chapter.
> 
> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Rey retreated to the crew quarters on the Falcon and tried to sleep on the journey to Naboo. She had almost full standard day cycle to kill before she arrived on the planet, so plenty of time to rest, but she found it hard to drift off. The ship hummed underneath her soporifically as she lay on one of the bunks, its gentle vibration coming up through her body in a way which should have lulled her. But try as she might, she couldn’t help but fret about leaving Ben on the island alone. She hoped that the gala would be relatively short lived and painless, but somehow she knew it would likely drag on for hours, a never ending parade of people wanting to shake her hand and share a few words with the Last Jedi. 

She had the unsettling sense that she had left a vital part of her soul behind on Ahch-To. After having become used to Ben’s presence over the last few weeks, there seemed to be a space inside her where he was usually nestled in close, and while the anchor of the bond still sat warmly in her chest, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t just the sense of having left part of her soul behind, either. She already _missed_ him on a physical level. She missed his large solid presence and his teasing and tender words in her ears. She missed his strong arms around her and the way he brushed his hair back from his brow just so. She missed the compelling gaze of his eyes and the lines of his face. She sighed at herself at little for mooning so over him, but at the core of her she knew that it was because her love burned like a bright flame, the words scorching her belly and begging to be spoken as soon as she was with him in person again. 

In lieu of sleep, she meditated, reaching towards a sense of calm and acceptance, reminding herself that the Resistance had been her first true home after Jakku, and thinking of how the love and acceptance she had found there had buoyed her up. In this way, she settled herself and gradually came to terms with seeing her Resistance friends again, and playing the role of the Last Jedi. 

Eventually, the proximity detector began to sound with an insistent beep interrupting her meditations. She made her way quickly to the cockpit, sliding into the pilot’s seat and looking eagerly out of the window for the first sight of a world she had never before seen. Seconds later, the ship juddered as it dropped out of hyperspace, the bright streaks of the starlines disappeared, and the planet appeared against the black canvas of space. Naboo hung like a green-blue precious stone in the sky, wreathed in thin feathery clouds, half of it glowing bright in the light of the star it orbited, even as the other half was cast into darkness. From her vantage, Rey could see two of the three moons that orbited it, in their slow and ponderous journey around the planet. 

Almost as soon as she came out of hyperspace, she was hailed by the command ship of the Space Fighter Corps, just as Leia had warned. She quickly transmitted the security code she had been given, which would allow her to pass safely down onto the planet below. It seemed the Resistance were taking no chances with the safety of this gala.

She punched in the coordinates Leia had given her, and flew the ship in on a sweeping pathway that took her over lakes and gentle mountains, past a patchwork of rolling fields and dark green clumps of small forests. Eventually the pastoral landscape gave way to the sight of the capital city of Theed in the distance. The city sat upon a high escarpment, and Rey could see the domed roofs of its civic buildings glistening green-blue in the early morning sun as she approached. Biggest of them all was an imposing building which she knew must be the palace, sitting at the very edge of the cliff face. Vast waterfalls cascaded over the rocky edges of the land upon which the city was built, plummeting downwards for hundreds of metres, the mist from them making small rainbows in the low sunlight. A large spaceport sat at the foot of the huge cliff, a criss cross of landing strips spreading out from it like spokes from the hub of a wheel. Small craft were ferrying what Rey assumed to be visitors to the planet up the cliffside to the main city. 

She had sent a signal ahead to let the Resistance know what time she would be arriving, and sure enough, she could see Finn and Rose’s smiling faces waiting for her, and they both waved eagerly at her as she landed. No sooner had she dropped the ramp of the Falcon, than Finn barrelled into her enveloping her in a huge hug, taking the wind out of her lungs. She laughed helplessly as he squeezed her, glimpsing Rose over his shoulder approaching at a more sedate pace, an amused look on her face. When Finn finally released her, Rose shoved him gently out of the way and enfolded Rey in a gentler hug. 

Rey stepped back, looking at them both. They looked different. Gone was the tattered and muddy appearance she had last seen on Ajan Kloss. The clothes they were standing in looked both new and clean, and the hollowed gauntness of their faces had filled out now that they were no longer on short rations, as they had been in those desperate days after Crait. They were both grinning widely at her, and Rey returned their smiles in kind. Stars, it was good to see them. 

“It’s so good to see you, Rey,” Finn told her, echoing her thoughts, Rose nodding along with him. “We’ve really missed you, you’ve been away much too long.”

“I know,” Rey sighed, wondering just how much Finn knew of her current assignment. 

She tried to read Rose’s expression for clues, but the diminutive girl’s face gave nothing away at that moment. Rose had known the nature of her and Ben’s relationship for the longest, bar Leia, and had reacted with empathy and understanding. Dare she hope for the same reaction from her other friends? She wondered whether Leia had deemed it necessary to fill Poe in on this turn of events, and what his reaction had been if so. Her breathing quickened as she wondered exactly what her friends in the Resistance would make of it all, of one of their most valuable assets being entangled in a relationship with the former Supreme Leader of the First Order. How could she explain to them that that wasn’t who he was any more, that he was fighting so hard against the dark, working so intensely at bringing the darkness within him into balance with the light? How could she describe the strange energy that had drawn them together, how everything felt right when she was in his arms, how the energy of the Force seemed to rejoice in their connection? All of this ran through her head as she stood looking back and forth between her friends, and she felt a knot of anxiety growing at the pit of her stomach. So much had happened in these last few months, and there was so much to tell them, so much to explain. It seemed like a year’s worth of events had occurred in the time since she had first seen Ben after Crait.

Happily oblivious of her inner turmoil, Finn came to her side and threw his arm across her shoulders, urging her out of the starship and down the ramp onto the dull grey landing strip. 

“You should see where we’re staying,” he exclaimed. “The Resistance has taken over some of the buildings just outside the palace grounds. And they are...wow.”

“It’s a far cry from Ajan Kloss,” Rose added. “We’re working with the Royal Naboo Security Forces, and we’ve established a new command centre there.”

More preoccupied, it seemed, with more practical matters, Finn began enthusing about the food on Naboo, smacking his lips against his fingers in delight as they walked to the cliff which towered over them. 

As they grew closer, the roar of the vast waterfall gradually drowned out the excited voices of her friends. Rey turned her head curiously to look over at the place where the water tumbled, carried by gravity, into a hole in the floor of the spaceport.

“It’s called the Virdugo Plunge,” Rose shouted over the thunderous noise. “There are hydro-electric turbines underneath the platform, so the waterfall provides some of the city’s energy needs.” 

An ancient Magnaline airbus hovered at the bottom of the cliff face, its exterior painted with the city’s flag, ready to shuttle arrivals at the spaceport up to the main city. She followed in Finn and Rose's wake as they climbed on board, then watched out of the viewport as the craft rose higher and higher, the wide floodplains spreading out before her. Soon enough though, Rose tugged at her arm and she turned to see that they were just about to begin their descent into the city.

Rey had been on board the Supremacy, so was not unfamiliar with the idea of masses of people being gathered together in a relatively small place. However, this was the first actual city she had been to on another world, and her only frame of comparison was Niima Outpost, which seemed like nothing more than a small hollow in the desert dust compared to Theed. Thus it was that her eyes and mouth went involuntarily wide as they exited the airbus in the middle of a busy square. Despite the early hour, people in varying hues of clothing were already bustling to and fro as the passengers spilled off the airbus. Round the edges of the square, merchants called out their wares over the hubbub of voices, trying to lure in the passersby. The sheer amount of people present in this place was overwhelming and Rey could sense hundreds of thousands of busy lives all across the city flaring through her Force awareness. She pushed her barriers up a little and tried to reel her awareness in, lest the maelstrom of their life force overwhelm her. 

Rose and Finn led the way through the crowd, while Rey gaped at the different shop fronts and the tall buildings, rushing every so often to keep up with them when she was distracted by some unfamiliar sight. Eventually they arrived at some rather official looking buildings, which were arranged in a courtyard outside the palace walls, their soft pink stone glowing under the rising sun. They ascended some stairs to a large doorway, and then passed down a corridor, until eventually they came upon a doorway to a large room. Rey looked up as they entered, surprised by the height of the stone vaulted ceilings. Morning sunlight streamed through the large windows, and voices echoed around the cavernous space. At the centre of the room, various members of the Resistance gathered around a large console, clearly engaged in some serious planning. She noticed Poe’s unruly mop of hair and caught his eye as she passed by. To her relief, he gave her a wink and a wide toothy smile before turning back to the meeting. She could also see a small figure in long robes commanding the meeting, a braid coiled around her head, _Leia_. But the woman had her back to her and was mid-speech, and didn’t turn. 

Rose and Finn ushered her into a side room, kitted out with comfortable sofas of a style that Rey had never seen before. She sank into one of them gratefully, while Rose asked Finn and a young Resistance member who had trailed them down the corridor- wide eyed at the sight of the Last Jedi - to bring them some caf. Rey looked about the room. Behind her, large windows gave a good view of the spread of the city, the shapes of the many different buildings seeming jumbled together from this vantage, and stretching into the distance. Lost in the view, she jumped slightly as Rose sat down on the sofa right next to her, and immediately took her hand.

“How are you Rey, really?” Rose asked, her eyes serious and concerned. “Is all going well with Kylo?”

“Ben,” corrected Rey softly. “It’s Ben now. And yes, things were going extremely well, I didn’t want to leave him alone if I’m honest.”

Rose nodded in understanding, looking relieved.

“How much does everyone know? And what is the reaction?” Rey asked tentatively, not quite sure what she wanted the answer to be, but dreading it all the same.

Rose sucked on her teeth and looked thoughtful. “The whole Resistance is aware that Ben has turned, and that he was responsible for destroying the flagship fleet. Feelings were initially mixed, though some have mellowed over the last few weeks since we have made big gains against the remnants of the Order.” She looked at Rey pensively, and Rey knew what she was about to say. “For some though, it’s harder to forgive. There are those who insist he should be put on trial.”

Rey’s immediate knee jerk reaction was first to defend Ben to Rose - even though she suspected there was no need - and then to march out into the command hub to insist to the Resistance that he was worthy of forgiveness. Words and explanations ran through her head; that he was groomed since he was a child, dark voices in his head urging him along pathways he never would have otherwise taken; that had he not done enough for them by destroying the main fleet of the First Order; that he was working towards living in harmony with the light again; that he was good and gentle and sweet; that he could _help_ them, if they would just let him. But she bit her tongue and remained seated. Along with everything she knew of who Ben Solo really was at heart, there was no undoing the actions he had taken. She knew the incredible pain of those who had lost friends and family members due to the actions of the First Order. What could she possibly say that would convince those people?

Rose’s next words made her heart drop with a cold fear. “I have to warn you, Rey, of those that believe there should be a trial, there are some who would like to see the death sentence when and if he returns.” 

Rey froze. “They can’t execute him!” She insisted. “Surely not after what he has done to help our cause. I won’t let them!” She could hear her voice growing shrill, and took a deep breath, trying to level it out. “You have to understand Rose, he’s come back to the light, it would be incredibly cruel to execute him after all he has fought against. I can’t - I can’t lose him, not now. Not after everything.”

Rey could feel tears starting at the back of her eyes, but Rose squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Not everyone favours the death sentence, I just needed to make you aware of it. There are many too that agree that some sort of reparations need to be made, but they also recognise Ben’s complicated history, and appreciate the efforts he made and has continued to make against the First Order in giving us intelligence. And, of course, he has you and Leia as allies, ready to speak out on his behalf. I think the chances are very good that execution won’t be the outcome.” 

Rey nodded numbly. She would spend some of her time here feeling out the mood of the Resistance, and if there was a chance that could be executed, she decided there and then that she would advise him against returning. She _couldn’t_ lose him. She just couldn’t.

“And what do people know of my relationship with him?” She asked tentatively. 

Rose gave a wry smile. “It’s common knowledge that you turned him, and that you have been with him these last few weeks since he has left the First Order. I think that quite a few people suspect, but both Leia and I have kept what we know to ourselves, so nothing has been confirmed.”

“Finn?” asks Rey. “Poe?”

“I think Finn suspects, Rey. I think that he questions what could have happened between you to cause Ben Solo to turn.” the small girl looked at her seriously. “I think you should be honest with him. He cares for you very much and only wants you to be happy. I think he would understand the way that you feel better than you think.”

Rey chewed on her bottom lip, pondering. “And Poe?”

“Poe is amongst those who have advocated for a trial,” Rose replied. “Though I don't know which side he comes down on in terms of punishment or reparations. Of course, Ben is Leia’s son, and Leia and Poe are close. I doubt he would advocate for anything that would cause her such immense grief. And his word carries a lot of weight, so that can only be a good thing.”

Rey sagged a little in relief. Before they could say any more though, Finn returned with the wide eyed Resistance member, who didn’t look any older than fourteen. The kid was bearing a tray of caf which he deposited on the table, craning his neck for one last glimpse of Rey as Finn ushered him out of the room and closed the door. Rey added plenty of cream and sweetener to her beverage, before sipping deeply at the warm drink, revelling in the bittersweet earthy taste of it across her tongue. She watched from the corner of her eye as Finn took a seat and looked to Rose, who nodded at him gently. 

“So...Rey,” he began a little awkwardly. “How is it going - I mean on the island, with Kylo-”

“Ben,” Rose interrupted smoothly, before Rey could. 

“Uh, yeah, Ben Solo. I mean, we were all stunned when we found out he’d turned and that you were the one who turned him.” He laughed ruefully. “We all thought you were off doing some type of Jedi training, and there you are turning the Resistance’s greatest enemy to our cause. And then all by yourself on an island with him…”

He trailed off, his eyebrows raised meaningfully. Rey sipped her caf, buying herself a moment to think, before deciding that there was no point in beating around the bush. There were so many explanations she could give her best friend, so many excuses and justifications, but all of them seemed superfluous to the core of the matter. Finn had never been anything but honest with and supportive of her, and she felt she owed him the whole unvarnished truth. So she would give it to her best friend straight, and let the pieces fall where they may. 

She looked Finn straight in his expressive brown eyes, holding his gaze for a moment. “I’m in love with him Finn,” she said directly. 

Finn’s eyes widened a little and his mouth dropped, clearly caught off guard by her directness, despite his suspicions, and he looked unsurely in Rose’s direction. Rose just shrugged. “You knew?!” He said to the small girl incredulously.

“I guessed,” Rose corrected. “And Rey confirmed that I was right.”

He looked back to Rey wide eyed. “I can’t say I didn't have my suspicions, but how in kriff’s name did this happen?” He rubbed his hand over his face and took a deep steadying breath, as though he was trying to center himself. 

Rey sighed. “We have a force-bond, Finn,” she explained. “We have since after Starkiller.” Finn raised his eyebrows, but clamped his mouth closed, so she forged on. “It started when I was on Ahch-To. We can appear to each other over vast distances, communicate with each other. We can read each other’s minds, feel what the other is feeling. We just...kept reconnecting again and again, it was like the Force was bringing us together for some greater purpose.. I got to know the man that Ben really is, and...well, I fell in love with him.”

“Kylo Ren,” Finn muttered to himself incredulously. 

“Not any more,” Rey replied. “He’s Ben Solo now. He has turned away from the dark side.”

Finn nodded in understanding, though it looked like the gesture pained him. “So if you got to know who he really was, what is he like? Because, you might have a Force connection or whatever, but the Kylo Ren I knew was a murderous tyrant.”

Rey thought for a moment. “He’s kind. Gentle. Generous. Intelligent.” Finn’s face was incredulous. She laughed, “Also broody, stubborn, sarcastic, and a real pain in the ass sometimes. But... I feel safe with him. And he’s striving so hard to channel the light instead of the dark.”

“And you love him.” Finn replied, a statement not a question. Rey just nodded.

“And he feels the same way?” He asked, eyes narrowed. 

Rey shrugs. “I don’t know, I haven't told him I love him yet. But, yes, I know he has feelings for me, I know that he wants to be with me.”

Rose snorted. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Rey. The man loves you. I don’t see any other way that he would have turned so fully.”

Finn’s head was in his hands now, as though he was trying to keep the contents of his brain from spilling out onto the marble floor, and Rey could sense him thinking furiously. Eventually Finn looked up and met her eyes again.

“Is he with us now?” He said seriously. “Is he with the Resistance?”

“I...I don’t know,” Rey admitted. “It’s something I need to discuss with him. But he’s definitely not with the First Order any more.”

Finn’s face grew thoughtful. “It would be an asset to us if he was on our side. It’s the very least he could do,” he mused. He looked directly at Rey again. “Are you happy - I mean, is he making you happy? Is he good to you?”

Rey nodded. “Happier than I have ever been,” she admitted quietly, looking down into her cup of caf and swirling the contents around. “He is very very good to me.”

She looked up, fearing what she would find in Finn’s eyes. She found resignation, a no small measure of confusion, but there was also compassion and understanding in his gaze too. Rose had her hand on his arm reassuringly, steadying him, and she watched as Finn nodded to himself, before standing and walking towards her. 

He crouched before Rey, taking her hands in his and looking up at her seriously.

“I can’t say it’s not a lot to take in Rey, but as long as you are happy and are sure he has turned from the dark-”

“I am certain,” Rey interjected. 

“-then I’m happy for you.” 

She felt tears spring to her eyes, and an intense sense of relief washed through her whole body at his acceptance. She swiped at her eyes with her sleeve, not managing to quite disguise the tears that were overflowing.

“It’s okay,” Finn said, when he saw her tears, reaching towards her and pulling her in for a hug. “It’s okay,” he mumbled again into her hair, squeezing her tight. Over his shoulder, Rose gave her a thumbs up, and a wide smile.

After they had disentangled themselves, Rey had dried her tears, and Finn had gone back to his seat, he and Rose filled her in excitedly on the gains the Resistance had made against remnants of the First Order in the last month. There were still pockets of them dug in at various points throughout the galaxy, and there were concerns about how many may have retreated to the Outer Rim. Even with the help of some friendly planets, the Resistance still feared spreading itself too thinly, and that it didn’t really have the manpower or firepower it needed to take all of them down. Hence, this gala. A search for both more allies and more funding. A chance for the masses to meet the Last Jedi. A chance for those senators who were off-world when the strike on Hosnian Prime took place to gather and discuss with Leia how and where they might build a new seat of government. A chance for the most important figures in the Resistance to mingle with the rich and famous, Leia hoping to draw the latter into backing further Resistance operations and the re-establishment of the Senate. 

Eventually, their conversation was brought to a close when there was a knock on the door of the room, followed by the sound of it creaking open. Leia’s silhouette appeared in the doorway, the light from the windows catching on her dark purple robes and making her look regal and powerful, her face crinkled in welcome. Rose and Finn jumped to their feet, bidding Rey farewell with hugs and promises to see her later on. Leia nodded at them both with a warm smile on her face as they left, before approaching the sofa where Rey was sitting. The General seated herself at the other end, pouring herself a caf and adding a generous amount of cream. 

“Those two are a real asset to the Resistance,” she mused as she stirred her cup. 

“They’re the best,” Rey responded instantly. 

Leia gave her a warm smile, and shuffled forward on the sofa taking Rey’s hands in her own. Rey squeezed gently at them as she looked into Leia’s wise brown eyes that reminded her so much of Ben’s. Rey was pleased to see that there was a life and a light sparkling there which she hadn’t seen before. Perhaps it was the overthrow of the First Order, or perhaps it was her son having turned at last from the dark. Or perhaps it was a mixture of both those things, inextricably linked as they were.

“I have said it before over the comm,” Leia began, her voice low and serious. “But it certainly bears repeating again in person. Thank you Rey, for bringing my son back out of the darkness. There will be no way I can ever repay you for such a thing.”

The older woman leaned towards her, opening her arms, and Rey let herself be swept into a hug. The older woman enfolded her with a strong grip, and she could feel a couple of little tremors go through Leia’s body, as if she was having trouble containing her emotions. When Rey pulled back, Leia’s eyes were wet. The woman blinked furiously, before producing a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbing at the corners of her eyes. 

“How was he when you left?” The General asked. I know he wasn’t happy about me having to ask this of you. He was very concerned for your safety.”

Rey considered for a moment. “I think Ben will do just fine,” she told Leia. “He’s stronger in the light now than I have ever seen him. He has managed to find a measure of peace on Ahch-To. Dare I say, he even seems happy. There’s a lot less brooding.”

Leia nodded knowingly. “I don’t doubt for a moment that it's because of you. I realise now that all Ben ever wanted and needed was to feel loved. I didn’t say it enough when he was a boy, and that’s to my eternal regret. I told him I loved him when he commed me shortly before you left the island. He ended the call almost immediately.”

Rey put her hand on Leia’s arm soothingly. “It will just take time,” she assured the woman. “He doesn’t say it out loud, but I’ve been inside his mind and I _know_ he loves you too, I’ve felt it.”

Leia looked relieved. “I have to ask,” Rey continued. “If Ben were to return and seek to join us - I’m not promising that’s what will happen - but if he did - what do you think will happen? Will there be a trial?” _Could he be executed?_ Rey’s mind whispered to her urgently, but she didn’t want to say the words in front of his mother, even though she was certain Leia would have the same concerns. 

The General was quiet for a few moments. “The Resistance mood on this is mixed,” she said slowly. “But of late it has trended more towards leniency now that our members have seen the impact on the First Order of the intelligence Ben has given us so far.” She frowned. “That’s not to say there won’t be some sort of trial, or some sort of amends needed to be made, some manner of sentence to be served. I can’t even rule out that he may be exiled. But I am as certain as I can be that they will not execute him.”

Rey let out a gusty sigh of relief, feeling as if a vast weight had been lifted from her chest. It was enough. Whatever sentence he was required to serve, she would be there for him throughout it. Even if he was exiled, she would make sure he was not permanently alone, and would spend as much time with him as possible. She nodded to herself. As ever, it remained Ben’s decision alone when or if he wanted to come home, but with the threat of a verdict of execution removed, the chances of him doing so increased exponentially. 

Leia gave her a few moments to process this news, before smoothing her skirt down, then turning to Rey, her face all business. 

“Now that’s out of the way, to the matter of the gala.”

Rey cringed slightly, and Leia, sharp as ever, caught it. “I understand that such things are unfamiliar to you, and even someone totally numb to the Force could sense that you’re not exactly thrilled by the idea of taking place in this gala. But i wouldn't have asked you if it wasn’t important.”

Rey nodded her understanding, sighing. “I understand, really I do, it’s necessary and I’m happy to take part.”

Leia just raised her eyebrow at her. “Well, not _happy_ maybe, but willing, of course,” Rey corrected.

Leia nodded in understanding. “The gala is tomorrow evening.”

Rey looked at her in surprise. “But I thought it was tonight, I rushed to get here-” 

“We needed you here to get fitted for a dress and to give the tailors time to actually create it overnight,” Leia told her, sympathetically.

Rey groaned, accepting her fate, and Leia spoke into her comm softly, calling upon somebody to bring the tailors to attend and measure her. 

Rey spent the next two hours being measured, assessed, poked and prodded while bolts of fabric were shown to both her and Leia. She just shrugged at first, conscious of her utter inexperience when it came to fashion, feigning disinterest in the no doubt expensive material. Finally though a lighter than air cream shimmersilk caught her eye. She ran her fingers over it thoughtfully, and asked Leia what she thought. 

“I think that will do splendidly,” the General responded, seeming pleased that Rey had taken an interest in choosing something for herself. The General confirmed to the tailor that they would use this one, and then it was back to another round of prodding, poking and draping that nearly had Rey squirming in frustration. All the while, Leia was reeling off the names and roles of important people who would be at the gala, names that Rey desperately tried to remember but that slid from her memory almost as soon as they had entered it. When the tailors finally left, assuring Leia that they would be back tomorrow for a final fitting, she led Rey by the hand to the sofa again. 

“All I need you to do Rey is just _be there_ ,” Leia told her, her voice reassuring and low. “We have ordered a belt to go with the dress, so you can carry the lightsaber visible on your hip. Move through the crowd and make small talk with people as best you can, there are a great many who wish to meet you. Confirm any rumours about your abilities that are true. Neither confirm nor deny those that are inaccurate, best we leave at least a hint of mystery around the Last Jedi after all.” Leia’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “And, perhaps, consider tonight what your plans for the long term future will be,” the older woman continued. 

Rey was caught off guard. The long term future? She hadn’t thought that far beyond, her many years on Jakku attuning her to focus only on getting through the immediate days and weeks. Only now that Leia had raised it, did it occur to her. The war was already over, there were still some battles left to fight, yes, but what would her place be when those battles were finally won? When the Senate was re-established and there was no need for any Resistance? Rey tried to imagine months, even years ahead, with a brain rusty from disuse in doing so. There was only one constant in all of her imaginings, one still point that anchored her future, and that one thing was Ben. Everything else was in flux, a maelstrom of possibilities, but in every future she could imagine, Ben was there at her side.

Leia interrupted her thoughts. “Perhaps give some thought as to whether you want to train other force-sensitives,” the woman suggested. 

“But I’m not...I’m not a properly trained Jedi!” Rey objected.

“You are as much a Jedi as anyone will ever be. And you are not the only one left who has received training in the Force.” Leia looked at her meaningfully. 

Rey shook her head. “Ben won’t want to re-establish the Jedi order,” she told Leia.

“And nor do either of you have to. From what you tell me, even Luke believed that the time of the Jedi was over, that those old ways needed to die. Perhaps it’s time for something entirely new.”

“Something more balanced…” mused Rey.

Leia smiled at her warmly, before standing. Rey stood too and Leia clasped her hands in her own again. “Just something to think about,” she told her. “Your life is your own, and nobody would begrudge you if you wanted to forge your own way entirely, after all you have done for us.”

“Whatever I do, wherever I go, my future is with Ben,” Rey replied.

Leia smiled at her warmly, her eyes creasing at the edges. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

*

The next day after a pleasant morning with her friends, and a less pleasant afternoon being pinched and poked while final adjustments were made for her dress, Rey found herself sitting in her ridiculously large bedroom awaiting the arrival of a service droid who was apparently going to do her face and hair and make her look fit for public consumption. She had indulged in a long hot shower, enjoying the luxury of hot water and filling the fresher with steam, and now fiddled nervously with the ends of her wet hair, thinking about Ben and wondering how he was doing. She brushed against his mind slightly as she sat there, seeking to reassure herself he was okay, though the small sense of the bond curled warmly inside her assured her he was at least still alive. He brushed back against her, the most contact they could achieve at this distance unless the bond decided to bring them together, and she found comfort in the touch of his mind against hers. She sensed preoccupation from him, some sort of determination that there was something he needed to do, and she smiled to herself as she thought about how tenacious he was, and how she was certain he would accomplish whatever it was he had set his mind to. 

Presently, a service droid arrived, carrying bags full of cosmetics and diverse objects that looked a little like torture instruments, but that Rey determined were most likely devices involved in achieving given hairstyles. She eschewed sitting in front of a mirror, instead trusting the droids capable hands to paint her face and style her hair. The droid babbled on excitedly about the latest fashion trends as it used sponges and brushes on her face - the precise reason why there was such a huge range of them being used escaping Rey entirely. She made noncommittal noises while the droid did her hair and wittered on about the most fashionable hairstyles all the ladies in Naboo were currently wearing, 

As the droid was placing the finishing touches to her hair, there was a knock at the door, and the tailor entered, sweeping proudly in with an assistant at her side carrying the dress they had crafted for her. It looked, to Rey, ridiculously delicate and expensive, the shimmersilk catching glances of the light in the room and shining sheerly. She stepped into it and it was fitted to her body with much ceremony on the part of the tailor who spent an inordinate amount of time walking around her and tweaking the fabric just so, before finally nodding to the service droid who wheeled over a full length mirror.

Rey gasped at her reflection. She could barely recognise the girl on the other side of the mirror, a far cry from the dusty scavenger she had been on Jakku.

The dress criss crossed over her chest snugly, somewhat evocative of her wraps, and it was cut low enough to be flattering and suggestive of her measly breasts, but not too low for comfort. A flowing skirt that seemed lighter than air cascaded from the waist like water rippling out and undulating in the movement of the air as she spun. A slit up one side, almost to the top of her thigh was explained as being there to give her the freedom to move should she need to fight, though Rey had her suspicions it had actually been placed there to make her look more alluring. The back was low, exposing her shoulders and some length of her back beneath, and an exquisitely crafted leather belt was produced to sit at her waist, to which she clipped her saber. Her hair had been swept up into its usual three buns - Leia wanted her to be recognisable from the stories people had heard about her - but instead of being simple, the buns were composed of intricate braids, and wisps of hair had been left to hang artfully about her face. Completing the look, her eyes were lined, her cheeks rose and her lips pink from the cosmetics which had been applied. She stared, and stared some more, hesitant to believe this unfamiliar vision that appeared before her. She looked, she grudgingly concluded, pretty damn good. 

She wished Ben could see it, could imagine the way his eyes would widen and his mouth would fall open a little, his tongue unconsciously coming out to taste his full lips as he looked upon her. She knew he would love it, although she wasn’t quite sure how long the dress would stay on for once he got his hands on her. 

Presently, Leia arrived at the door, and the tailors and droid took their leave. She looked Rey up and down, a pleased look on her face, before coming over and embracing her gently.

“You look perfect,” Leia told her. 

“I wish Ben could see it,” Rey whispered wistfully. 

Leia arched an eyebrow at her playfully. “It’s yours now Rey, you can take it back to Ahch-To with you if you’d like to show it to Ben.”

Rey blushed. She wasn’t used to such vanities about herself, and she felt self conscious of her desire for Ben to see her all dressed up like this. 

“It’s not exactly Ahch-To friendly wear,” she deflected. Leia just shrugged as if to say Ahch-To wear was precisely whatever she wanted to make it. 

Then, they were walking down a long corridor and Rey could hear the murmur of voices and music in the distance, punctuated by the clinking of wine glasses. She’d been too distracted to actually worry about the event up until this point, but now anxiety began to gnaw in her stomach, leaving her mouth dry and her breaths coming fast. She grabbed at Leia’s hand.

“What if I'm no good at this?” She said urgently, worrying that she would somehow either bore the attendees to death, or else commit some crucial faux-pas. “I’ve never done anything like this.”

Leia patted her arm reassuringly. “I will be at your side for much of the night, and if not me then either D’Acy or Poe will be with you. We won’t leave you floundering alone, and we’ll help to carry the conversation.”

Soothed a little, Rey nodded nervously, and as she often did, touched the warm thread of the bond inside her for reassurance, drawing strength from the feel of it. 

The hall where the gala was taking place was teeming with all manner of attendees when she and Leia were finally announced. All eyes turned to them as they made their way down a huge wide staircase towards the shining wooden floor and a hush fell over the room, the only sound the band continuing to play in the background. Rey could feel the weight of hundreds of eyes on her, and concentrated carefully on placing one foot in front of the other and not stumbling down the stairs like an idiot. Once they finally reached the ground level, the hubbub of voices surged again, though Rey could see the attendees flicking curious glances her way.

Leia gave her a few minutes to brace herself, and she took the short moments to sweep her gaze around the room. It was like nothing she had never seen before. A multitude of humanoids and aliens stood chatting at the side of the room, or else spun dancing together on the dancefloor in the middle of the room. Vast chandeliers hung from the ceiling, dripping with crystals that refracted light, splitting it into a thousand different rainbows that flashed against the walls and over the crowds. Tables against the side walls were piled high with all manner of exotic foods, and the smell coming from them made Rey's mouth water. Service doids slipped seamlessly through the throng, bearing trays laden with drinks in a variety of hues. She snagged something purple and sparkly as one of them passed by, hoping that a small drink would quell her nerves a little. She thought of Ben, alone on the island, and wished desperately she could be there with him. But she couldn’t right now - she needed to do her duty by the Resistance - and so she gave Leia a slight nod to indicate she was ready, and was swept into the throng. 

The cacophonous noise of hundreds of echoing voices surrounded her, while the sound of the band playing upbeat music wove amongst the different pitches and tones. She was introduced to people of varying levels of importance, whose names she forgot as quickly as they were given to her. There was a vast array of beings; Humans, Twi-Leks, Togrutas, Mon Calamaris, Utapauns and many many more. Some of them were former senators, some of them the rich and the curious who had no doubt paid for their ticket to be here, and who peppered her with questions about her abilities. With Leia at her side, a steadying presence who jumped in whenever she wavered, she managed to handle the questions with aplomb. She thought herself fairly successful at giving away just enough that they had a good idea of her power, but also managing to keep various aspects of being a Jedi mysterious, and allowing their own minds to fill in the gaps as they wished. The name Kylo Ren was mentioned more than once, as was Snoke’s. The galaxy at large apparently believed it to be her who had bested Snoke, and the word was that Kylo Ren had now disappeared, gone to ground, too afraid to face the Last Jedi now that the First Order has been shattered into disparate parts spread across the galaxy

After a few hours of working the room, and another two glasses of the purple sparkling drink, Rey’s mouth was dry from speaking so much, and she felt like she had socialised with nearly every single person there. Her cheeks ached with maintaining a false smile, and she felt extremely weary. Her feet were hurting, unused to walking in formal shoes, and she didn’t think she could possibly produce another bit of small talk even if she tried. Eventually, Leia must have picked up on Rey’s weariness, as she deposited her by one of the tables, encouraging her to have a bite to eat, and promising to send Poe over, before the General swept off into the grown, shaking hands and smiling as she went. Rey piled a plate with a number of different savouries, made her way towards a group of chairs and tables, and tucked into the food. She watched the dancers twirl across the floor while she kicked her shoes off under the table and stretched her sore ankles. Eventually Poe appeared, and Rey felt apprehension flutter in her belly, as she realised she still didn’t know if he knew about her and Ben. Poe gave her a charming smile and a chaste kiss to her cheek before seating himself next to her, and turning towards her, leaning in. 

“Stars, it’s good to see you back Rey,” he said warmly. 

She nodded. “It’s good to be back... though I’ll be leaving once the gala is over,” she informed him. 

“Ah, yes, back to the island and the Supreme Leader,” he said wryly. 

“Not any more.” Rey fiddled with a pastry on her plate. “As you know, he has left the First Order.”

“Hmmm,” Poe hummed noncommittally, reaching over to snag the last delicacy from her plate and popping it into his mouth. 

She slid her empty plate onto the table, and turned her body into Poe, ready to field the inevitable questions which were about to come her way. Instead, Poe surprised her by standing and holding out his hand. “May I have the pleasure of a dance Madame Jedi.”

“Er. I don’t know how,” Rey objected. 

Poe winked at her. “Just follow my lead.”

Reluctantly she allowed herself to be led to the floor. Poe positioned one of her hands on his shoulder, and clasped the other with his own. He settled one hand on her waist and then he was swaying and spinning her with the music. Rey nearly stumbled several times, but she used the Force both to balance herself, and to reach out and predict the way that Poe was going to move. Thankfully, she didn’t embarrass herself entirely. 

Poe looked down at her as they moved amongst the other couples on the floor. “So, how did it happen?”

“Huh?” Rey asked, confused. 

“Getting Kylo Ren to turn. What did you say that convinced him to both leave and sabotage the First Order fleet on the way out? It must have been something pretty impressive, right?”

Uncomfortable with the line of questioning, Rey replied a little shakily. “I didn’t say anything in particular. It was Ben’s decision to leave, it was what he wanted.”

“Ah, it’s Ben now is it?” Poe replied. 

“That’s his name.”

“Funny, for these last six years I thought he’d been calling himself Kylo Ren,” Poe replied a little sarcastically. 

“Kylo Ren is dead,” Rey responded tartly. “Ben Solo killed him.”

Poe leaned into her a little, his mouth uncomfortably close to her ear. “And why in the world would he do that.” He pulled back and looked at her with a knowing look on his face. 

Rey felt herself flush, and scrambled for the words. “Ben had his own reasons for wanting to leave,” she told him. “Part of that was an urge to return to the light, which is what he has been doing these past few weeks with me on Ahch-To.”

“So the villain of the piece wants to make like a hero now,” Poe said lightly. 

Rey felt irritated by his tone, and replied with some fire in her voice. “He just wants a relatively normal life, the type of life he’s never been able to have. He’s a good man at heart Poe.”

Her dance partner raised his eyebrows in surprise. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard a war criminal called a good man.”

“He gave you everything you needed to take down the First Order, he took down half of it himself,” Rey said hotly. “And do you know what actually happened in the throne room on the Supremacy, Poe? It wasn’t me that killed Snoke, it was Ben!”

Poe raised his eyebrows again. “Well, Leia hasn’t yet corrected that assumption amongst the Resistance,” he said, his voice sounding a little less sure of itself. 

“No, we’re saving it for the trial that I hear _you_ are advocating for,” she said cuttingly. 

Poe’s eyes softened a little. “He has to answer for what he’s done. If he wants to return, we can’t just let him off scott free. You must understand that Rey.”

She demurred a little. “I understand, but you also need to understand that I will advise him against returning if you tell me you would recommend his execution.”

Poe looked into her eyes seriously. “You think I would advocate for Leia’s only son to be killed?”

“Wouldn’t you?” Rey asked, a sliver of hope flaring in her chest.

“That woman has been like a mother to me,” Poe murmured thoughtfully. “I couldn’t hurt her that way. However, I am not the only person who would be making the decision. But what I’m more interested in is your profound interest in Ky- Ben Solo’s wellbeing, and what that has to do with why he turned.”

“Does it matter?” Rey snapped.

“It could do,” Poe admitted, looking at her speculatively. 

“Well it’s none of your business,” Rey said tartly. 

Poe looked at her knowingly. “So it’s true,” he said. “You and him….you have something together?”

Rey didn’t speak, just gave him a sharp nod of confirmation. Poe whistled lowly. “I have to say, Rey, you could do much better than that. _Much_ better.”

“I don’t want to,” she said, irritation seeping into her tone. 

Poe was silent for a moment as he twirled her on the floor, his face thoughtful.

“You are certain he has turned?” he asked. 

“Absolutely certain,” she replied. 

Poe was silent again for a few more seconds, before finally, “Get him to come home,” he said softly. “Do it for Leia, it would make her happier than anything. Get him to join us, to fight for us. We could do with another Force user on our side. If you can do that, it’ll be an easy argument against both execution and exile, that he is more useful to us as an asset. ”

Rey stopped in surprise, the other dancers continuing to move around them like they were the calm at the eye of the storm. “You would do that? You would argue against exile?” She asked, scarcely able to believe it. 

Poe nodded. “Despite what you might think of me, I don't want to break either your or Leia’s hearts. And the idea of having another Force user in our ranks is….appealing.”

The music came to a close, the instruments falling silent, and Poe bowed over her hand before brushing his lips to it while she looked at him in surprise. Wordlessly, he led her from the floor, snagging her a drink from a service droid’s tray as he passed by. They stood at the side of the room, watching the dancers begin to move again. 

“Poe-” Rey said hesitantly, and he turned to meet her eye. “Thank you,” she told him sincerely. He just shrugged at her and winked.

Presently he left her, heading off to mingle, and promising to send D’Acy over. Rey stood, idly twirling one of the curls that framed her face. Dare she imagine a future in which Ben returned home and was able to remain there, in which he stood at her side, fought alongside them? She wished for it desperately, and now that reality was finally within her grasp, she was terrified that it wouldn’t happen. She reached out through the bond for a sense of reassurance and was surprised to find Ben...absent. Frowning to herself, she focused inwards, poking at the thread that anchored her to him. It was still there, that was for sure, but it was strangely void of his presence, as if Ben had journeyed somewhere even further away than Ahch-To, as if he had gone somewhere that Rey could not follow. She hadn’t felt this before and it was unnerving. She reached along the bond, grunting slightly with the effort of forcing her consciousness across such a vast distance, and eventually found his signature mired in a deep and encompassing darkness. Her heart dropped through the floor and her hand flew immediately to her mouth. _Ben_.

Heart thudding, she spun and pushed her way through the crowd, muttering excuse me’s and apologies as she went, until she found herself at the side of the room. Heavy crimson drapes of thick velvet hung against the wall, and behind them she could sense a doorway to a balcony beyond. Blindly, she pushed her way through the curtains and then the door, finding the small balcony blessedly empty. She sealed the doors behind her with the Force so she would not be disturbed. Fear firing through her every nerve, she reached out again. She strained along the bond with every inch of her body and mind, and was met by yet another wave of dense blackness. She knew at that moment, deep in her bones, that Ben had gone to the dark Force nexus and was within its grasp. “Oh, Ben,” she gasped. “No, no, no, what have you done?”

She stumbled towards the edge of the balcony, gripping the smooth stone wall in her hands. A dark hopelessness spread through her body, and in that moment she cursed the Resistance for insisting on her coming to this place, for forcing her to leave Ben to fight against the darkness alone. She braced herself against the stone, reaching out with all her might, feeling strength leach from her body with the effort, feeling lightheaded, her legs becoming wobbly beneath her as she did so. Distantly, as though through a thick window, she glimpsed flashes of a red dusty valley, a huge pyramid, a stone tomb, and the burning fire of two eyes that scorched through her like a hot poker, searing her skin with the sense of evil that emanated from them. Blindly, she stumbled to a stone bench, dropping her head into her hands, her limbs quivering and head aching with the immense effort she had expended. Despair filled her like the salt of an ocean filling her lungs, and she felt like she was drowning. She fought to get her breath against the panic that clawed at her chest, blinked back the tears that had sprung to her eyes. 

They had been _so close_. So close to Ben shedding the legacy of the dark that had dogged him since he was a small child, so close to finally balancing the light and dark inside him. So close to building something wonderful, to actually having a future together. Her hand trembled as she mindlessly wiped the tears spilling out from her eyes. The sense of loss was devastating, insurmountable. She scarcely understood how she could go forward with this having happened, as her body and mind revolted against the thought of losing him this way. Her mind spun out the vision of a future, of her going forward with all light and hope gone from her eyes, forever scarred by what had almost been between her and Ben Solo. 

As she sat on the cold bench, lost in a fog of despair and grief, suddenly the bond flared brightly inside her, fully present once again. Rey grasped for it instinctively, only to find it filled with strength, joy and a sense of lightness that was unfamiliar to her. She furrowed her brow, feeling her way around the sensation with her mind, half terrified with what she might find.

The dulled noise of music and voices from the ballroom dimmed to silence, and she felt a warmth spreading in her chest and the air growing heavy around her. The Force was bringing them together, their bond vibrating and drawing them across the galaxy towards each other. Rey jumped to her feet, grasping her saber from her side and igniting it as her vision shimmered, unsure of what precisely she would find at the other end of this connection. Her heart thudded in a confusing mess of fear and anticipation, as the image of a pebbled beach resolved around her.

Ben Solo stood there, facing the ocean, arms spread wide and body lit by the dull orange of the setting suns. He was laughing loudly as tears of joy streamed down his face. Rey reached out to him tentatively through the bond, feeling nothing but unfiltered joy and an incandescent light streaming from him. He turned to her upon feeling the touch of her mind on his. His smile was wide, showing all his teeth, and he opened his thoughts in rapturous welcome to her. She skimmed his mind, sifting through his experience in the dark nexus, seeing the mirror he had left shattered and broken with the strength of his denial of the dark. She gasped, tears springing to her eyes again, and this time it was tears of sheer joy. She flicked off her saber, and then she was running to him, slipping and stumbling on the pebbles with her shoes, Ben surging forward and catching her in his arms when she nearly fell. 

“I thought-I thought-,” she gasped, as she pressed her face against the cool damp of his bare chest. “I couldn’t feel anything but darkness, I thought you had gone back to it, I thought you had left me!”

His arms tightened around her and he pressed his lips into her head. “Never,” he affirmed, and the light streamed from him so brightly that she thought it would consume her utterly, and wouldn’t have minded if it did. “Never,” he said again, more firmly. “I’m free now. I’m finally free.”

She could feel his wet body dampening the front of her dress, but she didn’t mind. She just pressed into him, revelling the sense of freedom, and in the lightness and goodness she felt running through him. Presently he pushed her back a little and took a couple of steps back. His eyes ran up and down her body, widening as though taking in the dress for the first time. He seemed lost for words as he looked upon her, a small choked sound making its way from his throat. Rey basked under his regard, twined closely enough into his mind in this moment to know that he was utterly blown away by her appearance, close enough to feel the heat that speared through his loins as he looked upon her, echoed by the coiling heat between her own thighs. 

“You look utterly outstanding,” he breathed, stalking over and circling her so he could see the back of the dress. He made another small noise, as he swept cool fingers down the length of her spine exposed at the back of the dress. He came back around to face her. “You are unbelievably beautiful,” he told her. 

Rey felt herself flush a little and shifted uncomfortably, her shoes slipping on the pebbles. He caught her by the elbow, steadying her. 

“How was the gala?” he asked. 

Rey shrugged, twining her hands in his. “About what you would expect. Overwhelming. Exhausting.”

He nodded in understanding, before asking a little plaintively, “When do you come back?”

“I’ll leave tonight,” she promised him. “I should be able to leave this event soon. I’ll get directly on the ship.”

“Excellent,” he replied, smiling and pleased. The thread connecting them began to fray and Rey’s lips downturned in disappointment. Ben leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Soon,” he promised her, as the scene began to waver around her. “And Rey? Bring the dress.”

She snapped back to the balcony, nodding and smiling at the empty air, her heart so full it felt as if it would overflow. Looking down at the front of her dress, she could see it was darkened with damp patches of seawater from where she had pressed her body against Ben’s. She shrugged to herself. Well, there was no help for that now. 

She unsealed the door, and took a deep breath, bracing herself to go back inside. She spread her Force senses out to pinpoint Leia within the vast room, eager to tell her she had just seen Ben and what he had finally done, and certain the General would let her leave as soon as possible in order to get back to him. 

Clutching the warm bright thread of the bond inside her, letting its light and contentment flow over and through her, Rey raised her head and smiled for the crowd - a smile of genuine happiness this time - and stepped back into the room.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

She disappeared from the pebbled beach, back to the planet of Naboo, taking with her that gorgeous dress, and leaving Ben gazing at the space where she had been. The slate grey waves rolled in to the shore and he adjusted his pants uncomfortably. Seeing her dressed up like that had….done things to him. The exposed plane of her back and the way the slit up the side of the dress revealed her shapely thigh made his throat dry and his heart beat faster. 

He would love her however she looked, he knew this. Even when she was wearing her filthy scavenger clothes, engine oil streaked across her cheek, she had still been the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. It didn’t matter one bit what she wore….and yet, he would still dearly love to see her in that dress in person. To slide his hand up her sleek thigh and underneath the soft folds of material….

He laughed to the open air again. This day was turning out better than he possibly could have predicted. He had entered the dark nexus with a large amount of apprehension, unsure whether he would really be able to resist the malign pull of it - yet he had proved stronger than he ever thought. The darkness in him was no longer a crushing weight that threatened to drag him into deep waters. It would always be a part of him, yes, but now it was balanced and tempered by the strength of the burning light within, and he knew that it would never again hold him captive. He stood looking at the ocean for a while, watching the waves rush to the shore and break in cascades of white foam. Far above in the gloaming dusk some sort of bird of prey circled in the last of the evenings updrafts. His heart soared with it as it glided in ever widening circles, free at last of the burdens he had carried for so many years. 

He made his way carefully back home up to the hut in the fading light, and laid a new fire in the centre of it. His home. His thoughts circled around that word, _home_ , turning it over and over in his mind. It was a home, of sorts, that he and Rey had created here together, built from their shared love and connection, built from his slow climb back towards the light and her unwavering support of him. It felt more like a home than any other place he had ever lived, except perhaps for the lush meadows of Chandrila. He touched his hand to his chest, remembering his dream when she had first come to him after Crait. The two of them lying together on the grass under the Chandrilan sky, their foreheads pressed together, an unfamiliar happiness kindling in his heart. He would love to take her there someday to walk those very meadows. Perhaps he would gather a posy of wild flowers for her and braid her hair, weaving the blossoms into her strands of chestnut. Maybe he would lie with her on the soft springy grasses, the scent of flowers heavy around them as they watched the clouds scud past. It was a dream that now seemed possible. 

These last few weeks had been incredibly precious and had renewed him in both soul and body. He felt stronger than ever before. He felt like he had healed, something which once seemed unfathomable. A part of him wanted to stay here always, just him and Rey, hidden away from the rest of the galaxy in their own little universe. He knew though, deep down, that it couldn’t be forever. 

It was too late and too dark now to catch anything to eat, so he made do with boiling up some tubers and cracking open a tin of preserved veg-meat. Not the most delicious meal one could ever think of, but more than enough to meet his needs for sustenance. He sat chewing the basic food, thinking about his future. 

He knew that Rey ultimately wanted to return their Resistance. He had seen the space that they occupied in her mind, the shape of a family she had longed for for years. While he wished he could be enough for her alone, at the same time he could feel the sense of belonging she had found with them. Selfish as he wanted to be, he could not take that from her. Yet, she also belonged with _him_ too. As Luke had told him, they were two halves of a whole, a dyad eternally linked through the force. The last couple of days had been hard enough without her. It felt something like losing a limb, or perhaps losing his saber, an unsettling sense of absence that nagged at him constantly. They belonged together. _Home_ , for him now, he realised, was no longer a place, it was a person. _Rey_. And therefore there was only one option in his mind, for he would not be parted from her again. 

Wherever she went, he would follow.

*

The next day dawned sunny and bright, the sky washed clear by a heavy rain that had crept over the island in the small hours and then retreated at dawn, leaving the stones slick and shining. It would be evening before Rey arrived, if she left when she had intended, and excitement fluttered warmly in his chest. Without the weight of the dark dragging at him, he felt slightly giddy with happiness, the edges of his positive emotions clearer and sharper than he had ever felt them. As he trained on the expanse of grass before breakfast, he wondered to himself if this was how everyone felt when they fell in love. The warm giddiness, the soaring of his heart when he thought of her, the burning need to be near her, to touch her. Was that how it was for everyone, or was it heightened and sharpened for the both of them, by the presence of the bond between them and their deep connection in the Force?

As he moved through the forms, sweat beginning to glisten across his back, a shimmering in the air and a faint light caught his eye. He whirled, pointing his saber at the intrusion, but then extinguished it when Luke shimmered into being. A blue light glowed gently around his uncle’s form, visible even in the bright sunlight. He inclined his head respectfully. “Uncle Luke,” he said in greeting, his voice free of any malice or defensiveness. Indeed, he realised with a start, he felt almost pleased to see the man.

“You’re still bringing your leg back too far on the sixth movement,” his uncle informed him. 

Ben rolled his eyes. “As I always did, and as you told me many times when I was younger.”

Luke just looked at him, his blue eyes twinkling with something that Ben couldn’t name. “So you’re here to impart your wisdom about lightsaber forms?” He asked his uncle, smiling slightly. 

“Ha!” Luke gathered his robes around him and seated himself on a nearby rock. “No. just here to see my nephew.”

Ben nodded, stretching out his arm and shoulder muscles, and waiting for his uncle to expand further.

“Impressive work in the dark nexus, kid,” his uncle said gruffly. “I knew you could do it.”

Ben barked a laugh. “Well I'm glad you did, because I was really worried that I couldn’t.” He reignited his saber, bringing it round in a wide arc and singeing the grass slightly. “Bane. Is he going to be a problem?”

Luke shook his head. “His spirit is bound to that place. He’s powerless without an acolyte to control. Plus if we worried about all the dead Sith lords out there whose spirits linger on, we’d have too many on our hands to deal with. No, best to leave well alone. Morabands reputation acts as a deterrent to people thinking about visiting there.”

Ben nodded, relieved that Bane’s spirit wouldn’t somehow be able to make its way off planet and twist its way into the mind of some unsuspecting Force sensitive. 

“What will you do now?” His uncle asked. Kylo twirled his saber showily, playing for time, before coming to a standstill, the breeze whipping strands of his hair around his face and ears.

“Wherever Rey goes, I go,” he told Luke eventually. “We are meant to be together. The Force wills it.”

Luke nodded knowingly. “And if that means going back to the Resistance - which it will - what does that mean for you?”

Ben met the pale blue gaze of his former master’s crinkled eyes. “It means it’s time for me to face both my mother and the consequences. I can only hope they won’t execute me.”

“Hmmm,” Luke hummed, not really confirming or denying his fears. 

“It’s not myself I’m worried for so much,” Ben admitted. “Kriff knows, I deserve it for the things I’ve done. It’s Rey I’m worried for. I don’t know how killing one half of a Force dyad would affect the other. It would be difficult for her to lose me, I think.”

Luke nodded, before, “I think you need to trust in the Force. Would it have brought you together in such a way only to tear you apart again, leaving one of you wounded and bleeding from the loss?”

“I don’t know,” Ben responded. “I’ve given up trying to understand the mysterious ways in which the Force moves. That was always more your thing. All I know is that it’s given me a gift greater than I could possibly ever deserve.”

Luke smiled at him, his eyes twinkling. “Ben Solo in love, a sight I thought I’d never see.”

Ben ducked his head, flushing and kicking at a tuft of grass. Somehow, his uncle still retained that ability to make him feel like a teenager again, all awkward angles and self consciousness. “Yeah...well. She’s special.”

Luke nodded, and Ben looked up at him sharply. “Will you come to her too? I know she would love to see you again, just one more time. She thinks of you as her Master still. She felt you die, you know, I sensed it on Crait. She mourned you.”

Luke tucked each of his hands into the opposite sleeve, folding his arms in front of him. “I’m surprised to hear she still thinks of me as her Master. I was never as much help to her as I should've been.” He wiped his hand over his face, a gesture so very human and alive, that Ben could almost forget for a moment that his uncle was a Force ghost, were it not for the blue light outlining him. “I was too old, too cynical, too stubborn. I never taught her the things I should have done….I’m somewhat subject to the whims of the Force, but yes, I can try and break through to speak to her.”

“Soon,” Ben urged. “I don't know how much longer we will be here.”

Luke nodded, giving him a wink, before his form began to grow dimmer and he finally faded out of existence. Back into the heart of the cosmic force, or wherever his energy went when he was disembodied. 

“Goodbye Uncle Luke,” Ben said to the empty air on top of the rock where the Force ghost had sat. _See ya, kid_ , Luke’s voice echoed in his mind, so faintly that he wasn’t sure whether he’d just imagined it. 

*  
Ben swam the sweat of his training away, diving for some shellfish for a simple lunch. He touched the bond inside him as he prepared his food, trying to gauge when Rey might arrive, unable to contain his anticipation for the moment that they would finally be reunited. Even though she was still only part of the way there, he could tell from the bond that she was drawing ever closer. The sense of her inside him had more depth, more tangibility that when she had been all the way across the galaxy on Naboo. He felt strangely nervous about seeing her again. In the short time she had been gone, things about him had changed irrevocably. Though he knew rationally that she was delighted with him conquering the dark, an insecurity still nibbled away at him about whether she would still love this new and improved Ben. He was astute enough to recognise the thoughts for what they were - insecurities borne of years of longing to belong, decades of never feeling quite good enough, a large span of time when he had believed himself to be unworthy of anyone’s love. Still, the anxiety fluttered in his belly like a nervous bird.

After lunch, he went up to the light nexus in the temple at the peak of the island, the first time he had been there since conquering the dark. It came so easily now, the light, no longer burning and painful, no longer fraying his every nerve. Bathed in the light of the temple he felt washed clean, renewed all over again. He felt as invisible as transparisteel as he drifted there in the currents of the Force, the light streaming through him like a pane of glass, refracting all around him. He felt strong. Happy. 

When the suns began to creep closer to the horizon line of the sea, and he sensed Rey drawing closer, he headed out of the temple and back down the steep hill. He stopped to fish from a ledge he had found, a spot which was particularly fruitful with the ocean’s bounty. He gutted the fish there on the ledge, throwing the entrails down towards the sea, watching as some unnameable sea creature snapped them up the instant they hit the water, before making his way back down to the hut.

He felt her, the moment the Falcon dropped out of hyperspace above the planet. _Ben_ her voice whispered inside his mind, and he could feel the excitement streaming from her Force signature. _Rey_ , he returned enthusiastically, throwing his emotions open wide and allowing her to sense the joy that he felt at her return. He hurried down the hill to the makeshift landing pad so fast that porgs were forced to throw themselves out of his way, squawking. He was so eager that he almost went head over heels a couple of times, but just managed to catch himself thankfully. Rey arriving to him hobbling around with a broken leg was not quite the reunion he had been anticipating. He squinted up at the sky, sensing where the ship would appear. His heart hammered as the small black dot eventually materialised, gradually growing in size as it raced towards him in the burning orange light of the suns, now sitting low on the horizon. His mouth grew dry with nerves and anticipation.

She landed the Falcon smoothly, tucking it in expertly next to his command shuttle, and he took a moment to admire her self-taught skill in piloting. He waited impatiently for the ramp to drop, and when it did - oh, what a vision. 

She hadn’t just brought the dress, she was wearing it right kriffing now! The cream shimmersilk lay over her body like a sheen of water, seeming to accentuate her figure. He stood open mouthed as she walked towards him, the full length of her thigh appearing through the slit in her skirt with every step she took. She had left her hair flowing loose around her shoulders, just the way he loved it, and her skin looked positively golden under the waning sunlight and against the cream fabric. Her face was free of make-up, and even though she had looked stunning last night on the beach with cosmetics carefully applied to her features, she looked utterly otherworldly right now with her face completely natural. She looked like some cosmic goddess, like something primal and unnameable, like something which he would gladly fall on his knees and worship at the shrine of, just to be close to her. 

She stopped just a couple of feet away, smiling up at him, and he heard himself make an urgent noise in his throat. Then their lips were crashing together, their arms coming round each other, grabbing at fabric, at skin, at hair, at whatever they could. As their tongues slid together, their minds merged into each other’s, their thoughts and feelings perfectly in sync. Fragments of thoughts floated through his head as they kissed, and he was unable to tell which came from him and which from her. _I missed you...it’s so good to see you...you taste wonderful….too long apart...never again….you look amazing...I missed you so much….let’s never be apart again...my Ben....my Rey._

His hands slid down the open expanse of her back ,and he pressed her body into his, revelling in the feel of having her whole and solid and real, back in his arms. 

Eventually, they pulled back from each other, and he looked into the hazel green of her regard, at the way the setting suns caught the reddish tones in her chestnut hair, at the way the light seemed to outline her form. She studied him too, her eyes roving greedily over his face and body. 

“Hello sweetheart,” he said at last, the first time one of them had actually spoken out loud. 

“Hello Ben,” she replied, tilting her head and almost looking a little shy.

He took another step back and ran his eyes over her body appreciatively. “I didn’t realise you’d actually be wearing the dress when you arrived. I have to say, it’s a most pleasant surprise.”

Smiled up at him, tossing her hair a little as though preening. “I decided to take advantage of the fresher a few hours ago. It was a spur of the moment decision to put the dress back on. Mostly I just wanted to see your face when I walked down the ramp.”

“Was it worth it?” Ben asked her.

“Absolutely, “ she replied, with a wide grin. “I thought I was going to have to pick your jaw up off the floor for you.”

“Well, have you seen you?” Ben responded tartly, and she responded with a laugh. 

“It’s not exactly practical for Ahch-To though,” she muttered. “It’s going to be absolutely filthy in no time.” She lifted the skirt a little. “I’m going to have to tuck it in to get up the hill.”

He watched as she gathered the skirt, tucking the mass of fabric into the wide leather belt her saber was clipped to, revealing her practical boots and the length of her legs. She lifted her knees experimentally. “There, this will do. Much more practical.”

They headed up the hill back to the hut in the deepening dusk. When they got there, Ben closed the door after them and threw a few logs onto the fire to take the chill from the air. He poked at the heart of it with a spare stick, stirring the embers into life while Rey stood there next to the orange glow of it, just watching him. In the flickering light she looked incongruous amongst the rough hewn stone and bulky wooden furniture. She looked elegant and stylish yet also wild and natural. She glowed so brightly both with her beauty and with the light of the Force inside her that she looked like a celestial being, like a star that had fallen from the sky and landed here in this hut in front of him. He was dazzled by the very sight of her.

He went to her, drawing her body to his, desperate to feel her, to touch and taste her. She leaned her head back eagerly, inviting him to kiss her, and he captured her lips with his. They tasted sweet to him, as sweet as the first time he had ever kissed her, long long ago, way back when he was still with the First Order. That time when he had been bruised and cut after his training and she had tended to him so gently it was almost unbearable, the first time anyone had ever touched him like that in years. His skin still shivered the same way when her hands came up and played softly at the back of his neck, and he let out a little moan into her mouth. She tugged at the hem of his top, and he complied instantly, stripping it off and revealing his bare skin to her. 

She snaked her hands around his waist and walked backwards, drawing him with her, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. Her hands pushed at the straps of her dress, about to slip it off. He extended one hand and stopped her gently. “Leave it on, please. For now.” He could hear the lust in his voice, so low it was almost a growl, and he took pleasure in the way she flushed at the sound of it.

He looked her over, determined to fully appreciate the vision currently occupying the bed. The neckline of the dress swept low, suggestive but not lewd, just showing the start of the gentle swell of her breasts. The shining fabric crisscrossing her chest accentuated her curves, and the shade of the fabric contrasted well against her skin which was still golden from her many years under the Jakku sun. He moved towards her, kneeling on the cold floor and running his hands up her body, his hands sliding smoothly over the sleek fabric, tracking the curve of her waist and lifting to brush the sides of her breasts. 

“I like this dress very much,” he told her roughly, before cupping her breasts, thumbs flicking over her stiffening nipples through the dress. He pulled back and looked appreciatively at the way they had hardened and now showed through the sheer fabric. She was breathing faster now, her lips parted slightly and eyes darkened with lust that matched his own.

“Stars, I missed this,” she told him. “I missed this so much.”

“Me too sweetheart,” he told her, leaning forward to trail kisses down her neck, even as his hand wandered its way up her bare thigh. One of her hands found its way to his hair, fingernails scratching gently at his scalp, while the other wandered across his chest igniting his skin wherever it brushed against him. Her touch on him was such a gift, such a blessing, and it was one that he was finally beginning to believe he might at the very beginning of being worthy of. 

His hand traveled further up the smooth skin of her thigh, towards the warmth of her core, and he inhaled sharply at the discovery when his fingers touched coarse curls and he found that she wasn’t wearing any basics. 

“Did you go to the gala like this?” He asked, cursing himself for the possessiveness he could hear in his voice. 

“Kriff, no, of course not. I just thought you may like it.”

He hummed appreciatively as the tips of his fingers found the wetness that was waiting for him between her thighs. “I do like it, very much,” he murmured as his fingers slid between her folds. He watched her face with fascination as he stoked the tips of his fingers up and down her, noticing her gasps when they nudged against her clit. He couldn’t help growling as he finally slid a finger into her, her flesh parting around him, hot, slick and tight. Her head fell back a little and her mouth opened. She moaned softly as he worked his finger slowly in and out of her and he was seized with the desperate need to press his mouth to her, to taste her sweet nectar on his tongue, to utterly consume her in every way that he could. 

He hunched down even further. The floor was hard and cold on his knees, and his right leg twinged with the pain of an old injury, but he couldn’t have cared less about how uncomfortable he was. His hands pushed the shimmersilk of her dress up, bunching it around her waist like haphazard clouds. He pressed her thighs with his palms, encouraging her to open to him, and she spread herself eagerly under his insistent touch. He looked up at her as he brought his mouth to her core. She was looking down at him, dark eyed and cheeks flushed, biting her lip and the soft flicker of the firelight playing across her features. He kept his eyes fixed on her as he pressed his lips to her center, and her mouth came open with a little “oh!” as his tongue darted out and tasted her. 

He ran his tongue over her wetness, exploring her folds with his mouth slowly, and eventually she collapsed to her back on the bed trembling with an urgent need that he could feel spilling through the bond. He began licking her with more fervour, and a mirrored sensation ghosted its way over his own crotch, the sensations she was feeling reflecting themselves to him through the bond. He was already hard, but he felt himself swell even more at the ghostly tendrils of feeling that tingled over and through him. He nestled his mind into hers as he mouthed at her, marvelling how well he seemed to fit within it, as though there had always been a space inside her which was made especially for him. Maybe there always was, perhaps this was the nature of being part of a dyad. 

Through their linked consciousness he could sense how she felt, and he enjoyed the rising pressure she was feeling in her pelvis. But there was a longing there too underneath the pleasure, an ache of emptiness inside of her, longing to be filled. He slid two fingers into her to ease the ache as he licked at her sensitive bundle of nerves, and heard her let out a heartfelt moan. Instinctively, he crooked his fingers inside her, and felt the sudden stab of pleasure that darted through her, a deeper and more diffuse pleasure than that which his tongue was eliciting. Curious, he did it again, and was rewarded with another stab of pleasure that made his own crotch throb in response. 

He felt her at the edge of something monumental, something exhilarating, and he quickened the pace of both his tongue and his fingers as she quivered beneath his ministrations. She chanted his name over and over, as if it was some sacred arcane prayer unspoken for centuries. He felt her muscles go rigid and her thoughts white out with mindless pleasure before the finally tumbled over the edge, convulsing tightly around his fingers and growing even wetter as she thrashed on the bed crying out his name. 

He licked her through it, only stopping when she laughed helplessly and tugged at his hair, urging him to come upwards and meet her on the bed. He wiped his chin with his hand, grinning as he climbed up and hovered over her, enjoying the flush in her cheeks and the sated look in her eyes. 

“That was quite some welcome home. Thank you,” she told him. 

He shrugged. “I aim to please.”

She smirked, and her hand came down to push urgently at the waistband of his pants as she told him, “You seem a little too clothed though, Solo .”

He grinned at her and jumped up, stripping his trousers off, before eagerly pressing his body back against hers. He hissed as his sensitive length nestled against her slick core, the feeling of it sparking off pleasure that seemed to thrum throughout his whole body. Rey made an appreciative noise as his pleasure ricocheted through the bond to her, and she tangled her hands in his hair, pulling his mouth down to meet hers and kissing him wholeheartedly. 

He moved gently against her, drawing out the pleasure, until she pressed her fingernails sharply into his backside. “Please Ben,” she breathed into his mouth, her voice soft yet urgent. “I need you inside me.”

He marvelled at her. In his previous life, he had dreamed of this, of her, yet had never thought it to be remotely possible that he would ever have her here in his arms, warm and vital and begging for him to fill her. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this, and eager to please, he pressed forward, breaching her entrance and seating himself deep inside her. She sighed as he sank into her, and he felt her sense of deep satisfaction drift through the bond. 

_It feels so right when we are joined together like this_. She told him silently, the sweetness of her inner voice ringing through his mind. 

_It does,_ he replied. _It feels like we belong together._

She shifted her hips under him impatiently, and he began to move within her, each thrust of his hips eliciting sensation which seemed to set every one of his nerves alight with life and colour. She gasped beneath him as he braced his arms on the thin mattress of the bed, and surged in and out of her. It was the same every time he made love to her; never had he felt so close to anyone in his life; never had he felt so utterly accepted and adored; never had he felt like he so absolutely belonged. There was no forethought to what he did next, although he had turned the feeling over in his mind numerous times over the last few days, the words simply burst out of him on instinct, unbidden. 

“I love you, Rey.”

He looked down at her as he spoke the words and he watched as her eyes first widened and grew glassy with the sheen of tears. She reached up and cupped his face tenderly in her palms, looking at him fiercely, and he could see the sincerity in her eyes.

“I love you too, Ben. Stars, I love you.”

A sense of wonder flooded through him. She loved him. Against all the odds, she actually loved him. Him, the bruised and broken boy who had spent so many years mired in deep darkness. Him, her enemy at the beginning, who had set himself in utter opposition to her, who had raged at her in the forest on Starkiller Base, killed his father and fought her master. Him, who was now become both her ally and her lover. 

Her love and regard for him flowed freely through the bond, and he drank it in like a starving man, feeling it enter the deepest parts of him, soothing hurts and pains which had lingered in his psyche for years. They kissed and gasped into each other's mouths and she quivered around him as he emptied himself inside her, the Force swelling around them in their ecstatic union as they found their completion in each other.

*

They lay tangled in each other’s arms afterwards. The air temperature was dropping in the hut, an area of low pressure clearly moving in over the island and bringing with it cooler air as the night deepened. As their sweat dried he felt a slight chill across his skin, and felt hers goose pimple under his fingers in turn. He stood and added a generous amount of logs to the fire, building it up to a fine blaze. Rey sat up on the bed, her dress now thoroughly creased and crinkled and her hair looking completely untamed. He imagined he didn’t look any more put together himself. She shivered slightly, and he passed her a blanket to drape around her bare shoulders, before pulling on his trousers. She sat on the bed watching him, while he set the fish and tubers to cook for their evening meal.

“How are you Ben?” She asked eventually. 

“I am...good. Better than I have ever been. There are some things we need to talk about, I have things I want to tell you.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound ominous at all,” Rey responded, frowning slightly. 

He chuckled. “No, quite the opposite, it’s all good stuff.”

“Ok,” Rey conceded. “You have me all intrigued now.”

“Food first,” Ben insisted. “Tell me all about this gala. Who was there, what was it like?”

He listened to her musical voice as he tended to their food, appreciating simply just being with her and hearing about what she had done while they were apart. She mentioned Leia, looking at him warily the first time she spoke of her, but his mother’s name didn’t make him flunch or curl in on himself like he usually did. There was a deep and abiding hurt and regret, yes, for everything he had done, for all he had taken from her, but the resentment and the anger was gone, washed away in the light. 

After they had eaten and pushed their plates to the side, he looked at her seriously. He moved onto the bed to sit opposite her, so that he could be close to her as they talked, and she turned to face him, curling her legs and feet under herself, pink toes disappearing underneath the layers of shimmersilk. He was excited to share with her what Luke had told him about their connection, and he could see that there were some words on the tip of her tongue as well that she wanted to relay to him. They both began speaking at the same time. 

“Luke came to me while-”

“I wanted to talk to you about-”

She stopped, mouth slightly open, her eyebrows rising. “ _Luke_ came to you?” She asked. “How did that go?”

“Surprisingly well,” replied Ben. “He came to me twice actually, once before I went to the dark nexus, and again afterwards.”

“Wow,” Rey said, and he could hear the slight hurt in her voice that her master had not yet appeared to her as a Force ghost. He comforted himself with the thought that he had got Luke to promise to try and visit her, but he didn’t want to mention that in case his uncle couldn’t break through, and it only ended in disappointment. 

“Luke can’t always control when the Force makes him materialise,” he said, trying to comfort her. 

“It’s fine,” Rey sighed. “More important that he comes to you, since you guys have - well - unfinished business. What did he say?”

“Quite a few things,” Ben mused. “He asked how you were. It was his idea for me to face the dark nexus.”

“Huh?” Rey looked confused. “He went mad at me when I connected to it.”

Ben nodded. “He said that passing into the Force has made a lot of things much clearer now. I think he regrets some decisions he made. He made it clear to me that he’s sorry for not teaching you properly. He also apologised to me for failing me when I was younger and battling with the dark. He said he was proud of me for leaving the First Order.”

“Did it help?” Rey asked softly.

Ben nodded. “More than I would have expected. I...I feel at peace with Luke now.”

Rey smiled brightly, reaching forward and taking his hand. The bond sparked at the contact, sending a wave of energy shuddering through him. “That’s amazing Ben.”

He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand, feeling the delicate bones and tendons underneath. “That’s not all he said.”

“Oh?”

Ben laughed ruefully. “Well for starters it sounds like a whole bunch of Force ghosts are well aware of our - erm - intimate connection. Apparently it causes _reverberations in the Force_.”

Rey’s eyes went wide and her cheeks coloured. “Seriously?”

Ben shrugged. “That’s what Luke said. He could have been joking with me, but he was well aware that we are together.”

“Kriff,” Rey said, hanging bringing her palm to her forehead. “That’s...not embarrassing at all.”

He laughed, and she gave him a scowl. “I don’t think they can actually _see_ what we’re doing just - um - _feel the reverberations._ ”

Rey snorted slightly. “I suppose it’s quite funny really, once I get over the embarrassment, to think that our connection causes some sort of cosmic waves. Is it because we’re both Force users, do you think?”

“Well, that’s the other thing Luke told me.” She was looking at him quizzically. “In all your readings of the Jedi texts, have you ever come across reference to a Force bond or a dyad.”

Rey shook her head. “Nope, nothing. What do you mean a dyad?”

Ben took her other hand in his, leaning forward and looking into her eyes intently. “We are a dyad in the Force Rey. Dyads are incredibly rare, it has been generations since the last recorded one. What it means, is that we are one in the Force.” He reached towards her, cupping her cheek in his hand. “We are two halves of the same whole. We belong together, we always have done. From what I understand of dyads, the Force destined for us to meet and to be together - that’s why it always feels the way it does when we are together. Why everything feels right when we are connected. It’s why we fight so well together. It’s why we have this bond.”

Rey’s eyes had gone wide, and he could see the wetness of tears gather at their corners. “Two halves of the same whole?” She choked out, and he nodded in affirmation. 

She freed one of her hands and dashed away salty wetness that was beginning to streak over her cheeks. “All my life,” she began, her voice a little wobbly. He gave her his full attention. “All my life on Jakku, I thought I was so alone. I thought I would be alone forever. And all this time, you were out there, just waiting. My other half.” She sniffled a little. “I’m sorry, I’m not crying because I’m sad.”

“I know,” Ben soothed, drawing her in towards him until her face was buried in his chest. “It’s a lot isn’t it?”

She nodded silently against him, before pulling back and looking up at him. This time her eyes were bright. “I understand now. Why you make me feel complete.”

He felt his own intense emotions for her bringing tears to sting at the back of his own eyes. This mad, precious, beautiful, fearless woman - she was his. She _wanted_ to be his. They belonged with each other. 

“You complete me too,” he managed. 

Rey sniffled a little, wiping away the last of the tears from her cheeks, before bestowing him with a bright smile. “I meant what I said,” she told him. “I love you.”

“So did I, I love you too. These last few days without you...I didn’t like it,” he replied. 

“Me neither. Which brings me to something I need to talk to you about.” Her voice was tentative and unsure, and he squeezed her hands to reassure her that she could share anything with him.

“This time here with you. It’s been so wonderful, I wish it could go on forever,” she told him, seriously. “But over on Naboo they are mustering forces to wipe out the last of the First Order, and Leia is trying re-establish the Senate. I need to return to the Resistance at some point. They need me.”

“I know,” Ben replied softly. He had always known this conversation would come eventually, only now he found he didn’t have as much fear about it as he thought he would. 

“I don’t know what that means for me and you…” Rey trailed off unsurely, eyes studying his face. “I know it’s complicated for you, and you’re worried about what might happen. I had this whole speech prepared about how you could come back, how you could help the Resistance, about how we could be together....”

Ben took a deep breath. “I’m coming with you,” he said simply. 

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes, really. These last few weeks, everything I’ve experienced here, both with you and by myself, it’s helped me come to peace with it.” He grasped her hands urgently between his. “I need to face up to what I’ve done, but I don’t know what will happen to me. If there’s a trial and the worst happens, I need you to promise me that you’ll be okay, that you’ll carry on.”

Rey shook her head firmly. “They won’t execute you. I’ve spoken to some of the others, and I am as certain of that as I can be.” She looked up into his face, her eyes beseeching him. “Would you consider fighting with us? Fighting by my side? There are members of the Resistance that I know will advocate for that. We could really use another Force sensitive.”

He smiled at her. “You really think I would stand idly by while you went into battle, putting yourself at risk? Of course I’ll fight by your side, Rey. I’ll admit the Resistance’s cause has never been mine, but I bear at least some responsibility for helping to eradicate the First Order. Moreover, my place is by your side, so if that’s what you need to do, I will be there with you every step of the way. If you’ll have me.”

She lunged forwards, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him to her tightly. “Of course I’ll have you, silly. Don’t you know that by now?”

He buried his nose into the hair cascading over the crook of her neck, inhaling the wild scent of her as his arms tightened around her. 

“You’re coming home Ben,” she whispered into his neck. “You’re finally coming home.”

“I’m already home,” he answered, his heart swelling with joy at the knowledge that nothing would ever part them again. “My home is you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 21/1/21 - There's a bit of a gap til the next chapter gets posted, due to me focusing on trying to get my modern AU finished. But it's nearly all done now, and after that I will be focusing exclusively on finishing this fic. 
> 
> By the way if you wanna check out my modern AU its a Librarian/Author love story called [Silence In The Library](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179915/chapters/63705580)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is back after a brief hiatus while i finished another fic. I'll be updating this every Sunday now until its done. We're around just over 2 thirds through I think. 
> 
> I made a playlist too! The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Rey’s heart was light when she awoke in the morning, a counterpoint to the heavy stillness of Ben's arm draped across her middle. Home. They were going home. Or at least, to make a new home of some type on Naboo. She wouldn’t have to leave him behind, and carry the constant gnawing worry with her about how he was doing. She wouldn’t have to feel like she had felt when they were parted - untethered and adrift, as if her anchor had been cut. 

She couldn’t say that she didn’t have any apprehension at all about what awaited them when they joined the Resistance on Naboo. There were still people who would see in Ben’s face only Kylo Ren, and not the man underneath; people whose lives and families had been torn apart by the First Order, and who found it hard to forgive. She fully expected that Ben would be confronted with some hard truths about what his actions had wrought, and her heart ached knowing the guilt he was likely going to experience now that he had returned to the light and found his balance.

But there were also potential allies. Those who wanted to see the reformed Ben Solo fighting for them, who wanted to show the Galaxy that the cause of the Resistance was powerful enough to turn even one of the First Order's most feared leaders. There were people who would see Ben’s role at their side as pivotal in the messy war against the last of the First Order. 

She relished the thought of fighting alongside him. It was all she had ever wanted.They had only faced a common enemy twice before - once, in a time that now seemed so long ago on the Supremacy when they had faced down first Snoke and then the red masked Praetorian Guard together, and then again when they had faced squadron of stormtroopers and the Knights of Ren when he escaped the First Order. Both times had filled her with an exhilaration that she had only come close to touching again in the times when they had trained together on Ahch-To. The thought of Ben, all fierce-faced at her side, his red blade stuttering and spitting as they worked together to wipe the First Order from the face of the galaxy, filled her with glee. 

Ben shifted and murmured softly in his sleep, and Rey gave him a fond look before gently sliding out from under the heavy weight of his arm and placing it softly down on the bed. 

She headed out of the hut, and into the sun-bright air, stretching out her sleep heavy limbs. The cries of seabirds were all around her, flocks of them wheeling in the cerulean sky before plummeting down to dive for fish, and she could hear the heavy sound of the swell slamming rhythmically onto the rocks at the bottom of the cliffs. It was windy today, as it often was on the island, and Rey’s loose hair whipped around her face, causing her to impatiently shove it back into a single bun. She ran through everything in her head that she would need to do before they left the island. In truth it wasn’t that much, they had lived simply and frugally while they had been here together, and it wouldn’t take them long to pack their meagre belongings. She could comm Leia once they were in flight to let her know that they would be returning, so that the General could ready the rest of the Resistance for her and Ben’s arrival. 

She was filled with a strange energy this morning, part nerves, part excitement at the prospect of bringing Ben home, and her legs itched to stomp along the pathways of the island and work off some of the nervous energy buzzing through her limbs. She cracked the door to the hut back open briefly, peering through the doorway at Ben, finding him still in the grasp of sleep, snoring softly with one hand flung over his head. Her eyes roved over his face, slack and boyish in his slumber. Her gaze lingered first on the raven hair falling across his brow, and then on his long nose, before finally coming to rest on his plush lips. She couldn’t help but smile to herself at his strange beauty. She closed the door softly, and then grabbing her staff from where it leaned on the outside of the porch to use as a walking stick, she began to roam the pathways of the island. 

She didn’t walk with any particular destination in mind, simply letting the ebb and flow of the Force guide her feet. Eventually she found herself climbing some rough hewn stone steps towards the charred remains of the uneti tree, which had previously housed the sacred Jedi texts before she stole them away in the Falcon. Even in death, the tree had commanding presence, the trident of its huge trunks charred and cracked by what must have been a raging fire. Not for the first time, Rey wondered how on earth it had happened, wondered whether Skywalker had burned the tree down in a rage after she had left and gone running to Ben on the Supremacy, not realising that she had taken the precious Jedi texts with her.

The entrance within the trunk still gaped darkly, inviting Rey to wander within, but she knew she would find nothing in there but the charred remains of the inner trunk. Instead, she seated herself on a rock facing the tree, wondering exactly what had drawn her to this particular place this morning, remembering her conversation with Luke inside the confines of the tree trunk when she had first come to the island. She could still sense his Force-signature in this place, as well as very faint tendrils of a much older and more powerful presence that she couldn’t place. She tried to grasp onto this weightier presence, but it dissipated like smoke in wind, drifting away from the eager attention of her Force senses. 

For the millionth time since she had returned to Ahch-To, she extended her awareness in the Force to fully capture the sense of her former master’s presence. The remnants of him were everywhere on the island; she could feel the ghostly imprints of the paths he had trodden over and over, sense trailing memory of his last great exertion of his energy on the meditation rock outside the Jedi temple. But yet, he had never once come to her. She tried not to be hurt by that, not to care - after all there had been no great love lost between them, Skywalker seeming only irritated by her presence and her questions. But hearing that he had appeared to Ben not just once but _twice_ had sharpened the sting of what she saw as his rejection of her. He had never really wanted her as an apprentice, never wanted to train her, so she didn’t know why she was surprised really. Somehow, though, she couldn’t help but think of him as her Master still, and she sighed heavily as she tapped her staff on the ground while she gazed at the yawning entrance to the tree. 

The image before her blurred a little, and she swiped crossly at her eyes, hoping that for kriffs sake she wasn’t actually crying over Luke Skywalker _again_. However, the entrance to the tree continued to waver and blur, even as she brought dry fingers back from her eyes and blinked furiously. A dull glowing shape began to resolve in the dark entrance, and Rey’s heart thudded in her chest, as she jumped off the rock and assumed a defensive position, her hand automatically coming to her waist before she realised that, stupidly, she had left her lightsaber in the hut. 

The figure began to approach, the features of the humanoid’s face and clothing resolving into clearer detail as it moved closer. A flutter of recognition moved through the Force between them, and Rey realised with a squeeze of her heart that it was her former master, come to her at last. Her hand came to her mouth as she gasped, her staff clattering uselessly to the floor as Luke Skywalker approached her, outlined by a glowing blue light. 

He stopped a few feet away. “Hello Rey,” he said gently. 

“Master Luke,” she returned, her voice wavering only slightly, her eyes wide at the sight of him. He looked exactly as he had done in life, clad in his cream robes and tan cloak, as alive as when she had known him, apart from a gentle blue light which seemed to suffuse his whole being. She stood there opening and closing her mouth, unsure exactly what to say to him. 

“That’s a remarkably good impression of a fish,” Luke told her, and she clamped her reflexively moving mouth shut. He smiled at her wryly. “It’s good to see you again, Rey.”

“It’s...it’s good to see you too. And thank you for coming to see Ben,” she began. “It means more than you will ever know that you apologised to him for what happened all those years ago.”

Luke nodded sombrely. “I left behind a wound in his soul that festered for years, and it was my responsibility to heal it. If I hadn’t been so rash back then, maybe the galaxy wouldn’t have had to endure all it has.” Luke sighed. “He’s not the only one who deserves an apology,” he looked at her meaningfully. “It seems that in death I'm making more apologies than I ever made in my life.”

Rey shrugged, and looked at the floor. “It’s ok, I’ve managed to muddle my way through things.”

“With the help of the Jedi texts no doubt?” Luke raised an eyebrow at her, and she felt unaccountably like a naughty child who had been caught out doing something that they shouldn’t.

“I was just borrowing them. You didn’t seem all that bothered about them,” she said defensively. 

Luke chuckled. “Borrowing them. Ok, kid.”

She was about to defend herself, when Luke interrupted and she caught the playful twinkle in his blue eyes. “I’m joking, Rey. Honestly I’m glad you took them, there would have been nothing left of them otherwise.” He took a few steps forward, and eased himself down onto a rock in front of her, slowly, as if his old bones were hurting him, although she strongly suspected that Force Ghosts did not, in fact, feel any pain. 

Her eyes drifted to the charred black remains of the tree. “You burned it down?” she asked. 

He shook his head. “I intended to, and all the Jedi texts with it. Someone much older and wiser than me in the ways of the Force did it instead. Though, of course, he knew the tree was empty and the texts were gone.”

“Ah, that’s whose presence I can feel all around here,” Rey realised. “Who was he? His signature is so...so ancient. And strong.”

Luke nodded. “He is...was...both of those things. He’s gone now. He came to me as I am appearing to you right now. He was my former Master. A much better Master than I ever was to you.” He sighed heavily, and the glowing blue outline around him made her eyes burn strangely. “I am sorry Rey, for being so old, stubborn and kriffing cynical,” he told her with sincerity in his voice. 

She shrugged. “It’s alright. I did okay in the end.”

“You certainly did,” Luke responded. “I'm proud of you both. You’ve both come so far.”

“Ben’s coming home,” she rushed out eagerly. 

Luke nodded knowingly. “It’s the right time. Now he has returned to the light, the last part of his journey on that path is to face up to what he has done. Plus,” he continued with a smirk, “That boy will go wherever you go now. He truly would follow you until the ends of the galaxy, you know.”

Rey blushed and bit her lip. “It was his decision to change,” she told her former Master, “I’m not the only reason.”

“No,” Skywalker agreed. “But you have played the part of a major catalyst for Ben’s change. Much of what he has achieved had been borne out of the love he carries for you. That love, your connection, it carries strongly through the Force.” 

Rey ducked her head, remembering Ben’s words about a whole host of Force ghosts being aware of their intimate activities. She felt her cheeks colouring again. Thankfully, though, and to her eternal gratitude, Luke didn’t pursue that particular subject any further. 

“He told you about the nature of your connection, yes?” Luke asked. 

Rey nodded. “I know that we are a dyad,” she answered. “That being one is what links us through our bond, that it’s why we can read each other’s minds and feel whatever the other is feeling. That we fight well because of it. That the Force feels...I don’t know…. _right_ when we’re together. Harmonious.”

Her former master was nodding. “I’m sure there’s much more to it to be discovered,” he told her. “Even I don’t know all the possibilities that come along with a Force-bond such as yours. There may be things you can do together that you haven’t even imagined yet.” His eyes twinkled at her playfully. “I shudder to think of the possibilities.”

Rey grinned. “Well, hopefully we have our whole lives to find out now.”

“Indeed. I’m sure you will both be a great asset to the Resistance in what is left of the fight. And after that…” Luke spread his arms out, as though indicating the whole wide expanse of the universe around them. “The galaxy is yours. The two of you can do whatever you want to. Whether that’s helping build a new Republic, or whether it’s training other Force users. Or perhaps you both just want to be smugglers roaming the galaxy together.” Luke shrugged, as if it was of no consequence what her chosen path would be. 

Rey nodded slowly. “Leia said that too, that I was free to choose my own path. I still haven’t decided yet what I want to do with my life, I just know that whatever it is, I want to do it with Ben. I wondered if you might have more...I don’t know….guidance for me I guess.”

Luke snorted. “My guidance didn’t get you very far last time, did it kid? No, your life is yours. Only you and Ben can answer what your future path needs to be. My only advice to you would be to let the Force guide you towards what is right.”

The Force had been remarkably and uncharacteristically silent on what exactly she should do with the rest of her life, as silent as it had been loud and clear about the fact that she and Ben Solo needed to be together. A wide horizon of possibility was spread out before her for the future, and she resigned herself to being content with that for now, trusting that her next steps would be revealed to her in due course. 

“Anyway,” Luke interrupted her musings. “My time is up.” He hauled himself to his feet and looked her over. “Goodbye Rey. I would say look after yourself, but I believe you and Ben will both take excellent care of each other.”

“Will I ever see you again?” The words burst out of Rey impulsively, her voice slightly childlike. 

Luke smiled at her gently. “Who can say? Perhaps, perhaps not.”

Rey nodded in understanding. “Well in case I don’t...Goodbye. And thank you, Master Luke.” 

She inclined her head to him respectfully, and he mirrored her action. “See ya, kid.”

Then he turned and made his way towards the tree, his Force presence growing dimmer with each footstep, until finally every trace of him was swallowed up by the yawning dark entrance in the trunk. 

Rey blinked back tears which had sprung to her eyes unbidden, a soft smile playing about her lips. She had needed this, to see him one more time, to lay old ghosts to rest. To know that, somehow, he still really was out there somewhere in the vast web of the Force. She felt at peace now, filled with a brightness that seemed to be in her future, a future and a destiny she could mould into whatever shape she wished it. 

Still smiling, she set off back to the hut. 

*

Ben was training on the grass outside when she got there, shirtless and with the sunlight bouncing off muscles that glistened with sweat. She watched him from a distance for a few moments, admiring the way he moved, looking on as he swung and pirouetted, even with his size and brute strength somehow still graceful and light on his feet. Eventually he must have become aware of her watching him, as he stilled, his sputtering blade pointing straight towards her, one eyebrow raised. 

“Watching me, scavenger?” He said imperiously, before flicking his saber off. 

She bounded across the grass and right up to him, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his mouth. “Always,” she responded. “And most especially when you aren’t wearing a shirt.”

He snorted, leaning down to kiss her insistently, his tongue sliding alongside hers. She could feel the bright glow of his presence in the Force, right next to hers, still streaked through with darkness amidst the light, yet somehow perfectly balanced. She pressed her mind eagerly against his as they kissed, sharing her still fresh joy at them being together again, revelling in the feeling as he opened himself to her, wrapping her in the warm embrace of his regard for her. Underneath she could sense the currents of his anxiety, flowing and eddying in the back of his mind, anxiety, she knew, at them returning to the Resistance and his fear of facing his mother again. But in this moment, it was mostly subsumed by the sheer joy and love he felt at being with her. 

She pulled back, a little breathless at the utterly addictive taste of his mouth, and looked at him seriously. 

Of course, he knew what she was about to say. “I know. I’m ok with leaving today,” he told her, before his eyes wandered off to somewhere beyond her right shoulder. “The journey is long enough to give me time to prepare mentally.”

“I’ll be there with you every step of the way,” she reassured him, pressing her body into his, ignoring the dampness of his sweat. “Right there by your side through all of it.”

His hand came up and cupped the back of her head. 

“I know.”

*

Ben hadn’t anticipated how much of a wrench it would be leaving the island behind. 

Rey worked by his side as they worked to pack the Falcon and ready the ship for their departure, and as they toiled he thought back over the precious weeks they had shared together. Despite the challenges that he had dealt with in confronting his own darkness, the time on Ahch-To had been almost idyllic, a sweet memory which was bathed in a slowly unfurling light. That light had always been within him, but it had at last reawakened fully in her presence as they had discovered each other’s bodies and their love for each other. After years starved of touch and affection, passions he had never before known had been awakened within him, and now he craved for her every touch. 

For those few weeks on the island, they had lived in a little bubble, only rarely disturbed by the outside world, and it felt strange now to be readying to be amongst other people - notwithstanding him having to face up to the deeds he had committed while under the sway of the First Order. He knew that the time they had shared together on the island would always stand out in his mind as a turning point when, bathed in her light, he had truly reclaimed the name of Ben Solo again, and he tucked it away in his mind as a precious memory, one which would sustain him through any darkness to come. 

Some effort was required to locate all the nesting places of the porgs on the ship, and Ben tried to ignore their indignant and mournful cries as he carried them out and set them on the cliffside well away from the ship. He knew most of the hidden smuggler’s compartments from his time spent on the Falcon as a child, but even so he wasn’t entirely sure they had managed to get every single porg. He told Rey so when she finally appeared from below deck after checking the hyperdrive.

“Hmmm,” she agreed, her hand on her hip and wiping the sheen of sweat on her brow, before tilting her head at him. “Is it really so much of an issue if there’s a few of them left on board?”

“I - No, I guess not,” he shrugged, suspecting that Rey may secretly be quite pleased by the idea of some of the small fluffy avians making the journey with them to Naboo. 

And then, all of a sudden, before he felt really ready, everything was packed, all the pre-flight checks had been run, and it was time for them to leave Ahch-To. Stalling for time, Ben headed down the ramp for one last look at the island, running his eyes over the steep green hills and jagged rocks that littered it, lingering on the stone huts that squatted on the hillside, committing it all to memory. He heard the thud of feet on the ramp, and Rey appeared beside him, quietly sliding her hand into his. 

“I’m going to miss this place,” he said softly. 

Rey squeezed his hand, sending a little pulse of comfort to him through the bond. “Me too,” she replied, looking up at him, and he could see his own sadness reflected in her green sprinkled hazel eyes. She pressed a memory towards him, both of them on the single beach of Ahch-To, her on his shoulders, shrieking and whooping as he waded through the chest-high water, before finally dunking her into it with a splash. Rey coming up from beneath the surface, saltwater sheeting from skin, her hair slicked back wetly as she pulled him towards her, pressing salty kisses to his lips. 

_We will always have this,_ she told him silently. _And who knows, maybe one day we can come back here again._

Ben smiled down at her and squeezed her hand gratefully, took one last sweeping glance across the island, before finally tearing himself away, turning, and walking hand in hand onto the Falcon with Rey. He hovered at the entrance to the cockpit, unsure whether to take the pilot or co-pilots seat, unsure whether it would be _wrong_ of him to occupy the seat his father once had. 

“Your choice,” Rey said quietly behind him. “You are still a Solo. This ship is your birthright.”

He wavered for a moment, his emotions conflicted, before finally coming to a decision and sliding into the familiar feel of the pilot’s seat. Rey took the co-pilots chair, and he could see a satisfied smile on her face which told him she was pleased with his choice. Taking a deep breath, he launched the ship and handled it up into the atmosphere, the island receding behind them into an insignificant dot. His command shuttle was still parked on the small island, but he’d disabled the tracker before he even left the First Order, and they’d decided between them that it was probably for the best if he didn’t arrive on Naboo in a First Order ship. Who knows, if they were ever to return there, maybe it would come in handy. 

The shell of the planet’s atmosphere faded around them as they entered true space, and once they were clear, Ben pressed the button to power up the hyperdrive as Rey entered the coordinates for Naboo. The darkness of space enveloped them, the blackness punctuated by the lights of a billion billion suns. 

Rey turned to him, her eyes sparkling with excitement. He couldn’t exactly say his feelings matched hers right now. There was a deep apprehension and fear within him which was trying to claw its way up his throat and was unsettling the darkness within him, causing ripples and turbulence. But he held tight to the light within him to steady himself, and anchored himself in the excitement on Rey’s face. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for his cue, and he took a deep breath.

“Punch it.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

Once the Falcon had settled into the steady hum of hyperspeed, Ben programmed the autopilot to manage the first leg of the journey through lightspeed, setting a proximity alarm to alert them when they needed to manually change hyper-lanes. 

After they had attended to everything they needed to and there was no more left to do, he flopped back in the captain’s seat, watching the starlines streak past the windows, noticing the way their flickering white-blue light played across the control panel of the ship. Rey remained quiet next to him, and out of the corner of his eye he could feel her watching him as he sorted through his feelings. He had been back on the Falcon only briefly while on Ahch-To, both times to speak to his mother, and was now faced with the prospect of almost a full standard day cycle on board the old girl. He found that he was more at ease in the pilots seat than he thought he’d be. It felt comfortable against his body, as if it were moulded specifically for him, and he reached out and stroked his hands across the control panel while his father's golden Sabbac dice dangled above, the light of hyperspace catching on and glinting from them. Han was everywhere on this ship, his presence woven into the very fabric of what made the Millenium Falcon what it was, and nowhere was it stronger than here in the cockpit. 

Somewhere inside Ben there was a deep anguish, hooked right into the core of him, and now with the soft hum of the ship underneath them, it flooded out of the wounded place in his heart and sent thoughts spilling into his mind. Even illuminated by the light, the death of his father still cut at him - in many ways it was even worse now he was balanced within the light again and fully in touch with his conscience. The look in his father’s eyes as he had ignited the red blade of the saber through Han’s chest swam before him, just as it did every time he cast his mind back over the fateful events on Starkiller Base. Unconsciously, his hand came up to touch his face, cradling the spot where Han’s own hand had rested, seconds before he had fallen from the bridge, his body spinning down into the thermal oscillator. 

Rey’s mind brushed up against his, warm and familiar, tentatively offering him comfort, but not pushing him. He sent her a quick pulse of reassurance through the Force.

_I’m ok._

_You don’t have to be,_ she replied. _I know it’s hard for you being back on the ship._

Ben ran his hand through his hair, before speaking out loud. “It’s just so… full. So full of him, full of memories. And it makes me think of my mother, and wonder what I can ever possibly say to her to make up for what I did. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t seem to quite cut it somehow.”

“Sorry is a start though,” Rey replied softly. “It’s just the beginning. What you both need is time. Time to be together, to talk to each other, to let these wounds start healing.”

Ben nodded. “I know. It’s just...ugh” He made an incoherent noise, before springing up from the seat and stalking through the corridor to the communal crew area. He felt Rey following closely behind him, and he was glad for it because it wasn’t her he was trying to escape - on the contrary her presence was more of a balm than anything else. He stood in the living area, running his eyes over the seating area and Dejarik table, while Rey leaned on the wall just watching him. 

“Chewie taught me to play Dejarik,” he said, softly, casting his mind back and remembering the Wookie’s vocalisations as he took a serious young Ben through the best strategies for play. He ran his finger along the curve of the table. “He used to cheat though, I’m sure of it,” he said, unable to keep the slight smile that sprang to his lips. “Neither my father nor I could ever win against him. We just couldn’t figure out exactly _how_ he was cheating.”

He watched as Rey pushed off the wall, then walked over and slid onto the seat, looking up at him encouragingly, drinking in his every word, her hazel eyes wide. 

“Sabbac was always more dad’s style,” he continued. “Now that was the game _he_ used to excel in cheating at. Did you know he won the Millenium Falcon playing sabbac?”

“I didn’t,” Rey replied softly. “But it doesn’t surprise me.”

Ben hummed, still tracing the curve of the table with his hand, holding himself still as he let the painful recollections flicker through his mind. Suddenly, one particular memory - long forgotten until this very moment - surfaced in his thoughts. It made him smile, even though it hurt, and he held out his hand to his bond-mate, wanting to share it with her. 

“Come, I want to show you something.”

Rey’s eyes were curious as he led her through the ship, and he could practically feel her vibrating with anticipation at the prospect of him sharing more of his past with her, though she politely left him to the privacy of his thoughts. He walked them both to the sleeping quarters, sliding onto the bottom bunk of one of the beds and pulling Rey down next to him. 

“This is where I used to sleep when I was on the ship,” he explained to Rey, as his fingers ran over the alusteel wall next to the bunk, searching for a familiar seam. Finally they caught upon the edge of a very specific panel, and the feel of it was so familiar under his fingertips that it seemed to instantly transport him back decades. He fiddled with the panel, feeling where it still moved a little, not quite fitting as tightly as it should in its placement. He jostled at it until eventually it came away altogether, revealing a hidden recess in the wall behind it. He looked down at the panel in his hands for a moment, before flipping it over and revealing a series of Aurebesh characters scratched into the back of it in a wobbly and childish hand. His own name, the name he had reclaimed for himself after running away from it for so many years, was inscribed there. He passed it to Rey. 

“Ben Solo,” she murmured as her eyes ran over the words. “How old were you when you did this?” She looked at him, her eyes bright, and he could feel her pleasure at him sharing this piece of his childhood with her radiating through the bond. 

Ben frowned, thinking for a moment. So much about his childhood years before he had been sent away to train with Luke seemed to blur into one, his recollections slightly hazy through the shroud of years. “About 6 or 7 I think, though I can’t be sure,” Ben replied. 

He reached into the secret compartment, searching, and drew out a toy X-Wing he had hidden there decades ago, cradling it in his hands and running his fingers over the still familiar shape of the plaything. “I used to sit in the crew area, making my toy ships fly with the Force,” he said softly. “‘Little Starfighter,’ my dad used to call me.” 

The memory of Han's brown eyes filled his mind. His father’s eyes had always grown a little softer as he spoke that nickname for Ben, the pride at his son's interest in ships evident in his tone. Ben’s voice choked involuntarily on the nickname as sadness filled him, and as his freedom from the stranglehold of the darkness allowed him to fully perceive the sheer love shining from Han’s eyes in that memory. Rey immediately laid her hand on his arm, the bond sparking at the contact between them even through the layers of his shirt. The warmth of her touch through his sleeve steadied him, and he breathed deeply, anchoring himself in her warm regard. 

“I always used to sleep better when I was on the Falcon,” he continued. “Somehow it made the nightmares a little less intense.” He turned the small toy over in his hands. “I can’t believe this is still here, even after all these years.”

His eyes began to get blurry then, and he immediately felt the comforting press of Rey’s mind against his own even as she leaned into him and his arm came up around her. He opened up to her willingly, letting the sweet tendrils of her mind wind their way around his, allowing himself to be wrapped in her soft comfort. 

“Even when you were miles away, even when you were mired deep in the dark, this ship remembered who you were, she always held a little bit of you inside her,” she told him quietly. “There was always a part of you that was part of this ship, there always has been.”

He knew she wasn’t just talking about the toy X-Wing, and he smiled, pulling her closer as he turned the toy over and over in his fingers. “I guess there was.”

*

They lay for a while on his childhood bed. He let himself be wrapped in Rey’s arms and the sweet warmth of her Force-signature, immersing himself in the incomparable comfort of their bond, while it seemed that all his memories came rushing back through his mind with the force of a river in spate. Some memories made him smile, but some brought tears to his eyes, which rolled hotly down his cheeks and which Rey wiped away with her fingertips. She didn’t speak, she didn’t ask questions - there was no need to for she could sense his every thought - instead she just silently held the space for him to grieve what he had lost. 

Eventually, the flow of memory and feelings began to slow and he started to feel like he actually had a grip on his emotions. Not before time too, as no sooner had he steadied himself than Rey’s stomach let out one of its enormous gurgles, both amusing him and alerting him to the fact that they had eaten only very sparingly that morning. She groaned in embarrassment, and he untangled himself from her arms and stood, holding out his hand to her in invitation. “Come, let’s get you something to eat.”

They made their way to the galley and quietly prepared a simple meal from their ration packs, both of them moving easily around each other as if they had been sharing space on the ship forever. Rey even dug out some caf from the very back of one of the cupboards - and while it smelled a little out of date and bitter, it tasted just fine to Ben. They sat in the living area, consuming their food and drink in silence, until Rey finally spoke. 

“You said you needed to prepare yourself before we got to Naboo. What do you need to do? Is there anything I can do to help?”

Ben turned in his seat and looked down at Rey, admiring the green flashing in her hazel eyes and the way that she looked at him so unguardedly and openly now, her emotions writ large across her face, so very very different than when they had first met each other. This woman was way too good for him, he knew that in his bones. Nothing he had done in his life had made him worthy of her, and he marvelled that somehow, against all odds she actually _loved_ him. 

He saw the moment that she caught the drift of his thoughts, as a little crease appeared between her eyebrows and a troubled look briefly clouded her gaze. She lifted her hand and brushed it against his face, and he leaned into her warmth. “Hey,” she said softly, looking at him seriously. “None of that.”

He nodded, acquiescing to her gentle command not to doubt himself, before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You have already helped tremendously,” he told her, answering her question. “You help just by being you.”

Rey smiled up at him, her light beaming in his praise, and despite his pensive mood he couldn’t help but smile back at her. She was right, preparing himself for what was to come was a good idea. He needed to arrive on Naboo in a balanced and calm state, ready both to face his mother and to accept whatever circumstances unfolded there. 

“I think I should meditate,” he said. “That seems like a good idea.”

“I think so too,” Rey replied. “Do you want me to meditate with you?”

Ben thought for a moment. “No, it’s alright. You just relax. I...I think this is something I need to do by myself.”

Rey nodded, her eyes soft with understanding, and he couldn’t help but gather her into his arms for an embrace before he went off to prepare himself. The warmth of her body pressed against his, seemed to seep right through his skin and into his very bone marrow, and he angled his mouth downwards to capture her lips in a kiss, sliding his tongue briefly into her mouth. Finally he tore himself away, the taste of her still in his mouth, and headed into the cargo hold to meditate.

*

Rey returned to the cockpit, ensconcing herself in the pilot’s seat and running her eyes around the space. Though she loved this whole ship, battered and temperamental as it was, the cockpit was the place in it where she felt the most at home and she had spent more than one night curled up asleep in the pilot’s chair. It was surprisingly comfortable.

She could sense Ben’s presence both nearby and within her, could feel his mind growing calm and still as he let himself sink into his meditation, and she let out an anxious little puff of air between her lips. Rey had been doing her best to keep both her anxieties and her hopes walled off from him, knowing he had enough to deal with by both being on the Falcon and with their imminent arrival on Naboo looming, wanting only to provide him with the steady support that she knew he needed. Now though, she found herself biting her nails nervously in anticipation of the events to come. Would they be met by a circle of blasters as they walked from the ship? Would Ben be imprisoned while awaiting judgement? And - with a sudden swooping feeling in her gut - would she even be allowed to _see_ him before any trial? She grimaced. That wasn’t something she had considered until now, and the thought of being separated from him for a long period of time was not one she relished. 

She commed Leia to let her know their ETA, and to try and seek some reassurance about what the state of play would be when they landed. Leia was busy though, with both preparations for their arrival and Resistance command, so she wasn’t able to speak for long and Rey wasn’t able to assuage her own anxieties. But the suppressed hope and excitement quivering in Leia’s voice stayed with Rey for a long while after she had spoken to the General. There was apprehension there too, of course, but Leia’s happiness at the imminent return of her son was evident in her tone, and that lit a warm spark of hope inside Rey that all would be well. 

She waited until the alarm sounded for the ship to switch hyperlanes, then when there was nothing else to do until the Falcon dropped out of lightspeed in the space around Naboo, she pulled one of the Jedi texts from her bag and folded her legs underneath herself. It was one of the ones in some obscure arcane language - which Ben knew, of course - and she curled up in the absurdly comfortable seat as she let her eyes and fingers run over the words which Ben had begun to teach her.

She didn’t know how long she read for - a long while certainly, her mouth unconsciously forming the shapes of the words as she tried to make sense of the dense and dry passages. Eventually though, she must have fallen asleep, as she jerked awake, awoken by the clattering of boots down the corridor to the cockpit. She snapped the book, which was still open on her lap, closed and slid it back into her bag as she turned, expectant of Ben's arrival.

When he did finally appear, her mouth dropped open at the sight of him, and she was rendered momentarily speechless. 

Ben had changed out of his habitual black and into an entirely new outfit she had never seen before, and the effect was startling. He must have rummaged through some of Han’s old supplies and found a stash of clothing somewhere, because he was clad in a loose fitting cream shirt with a low neckline which revealed some of the alabaster skin of his upper chest. His long fingers flickered over the opening, pulling it close a little as though embarrassed to be revealing so much flesh. Over the shirt was a battered looking brown leather jacket which looked like it had seen many years of use and love and which seemed to fit him perfectly. A wide brown leather belt circled his waist, his lightsaber hanging from it on one side, an empty blaster holster on the other. The only items of clothing which were the same were his First Order issued black trousers and boots. So used to seeing him in nothing but dark clothes - even on the island, every clothing item he had brought with him had been black - Rey’s breath was momentarily taken away. He looked so much like his father right now, and to say it suited him would be an understatement. Rey felt a smile curling her lips as she ran her eyes over him, taking in the full ensemble.

A faint sense of embarrassment radiated through the bond as his gaze flickered to hers and then away again. “I thought it would be prudent not to arrive in all black,” he explained, looking at the wall. “There were trousers, but it felt somehow wrong to wear his...my dad’s...Correllian bloodstripes. And they were too short anyway.” his gaze flickered back to her, his eyes seeking out her approval.

Rey jumped up from the Captain’s chair and walked up to him, reaching out and holding him at arm's length as she turned him this way and that, running her eyes up and down his body. 

“I think it’s perfect,” she told him seriously at last. “It suits you.”

“It feels really weird. I wore nothing but black for the last 6 years,” Ben admitted, his fingers fiddling with the slit down the front of his shirt again. “Um. I think I’m going to have to put my black undershirt back on under this though. This may be my father’s style, but it reveals way too much flesh for my liking.”

Rey raised her hand and trailed her fingers down the soft strip of flesh that the gaping shirt revealed, a smile curling her lips at the instant shiver it elicited from Ben. “I kind of like it,” she admitted.

“Hmm,” Ben hummed. “Nevertheless, I’m going to cover up a little.” A slight note of anxiousness coloured his tone. “Do you think this is okay though? Do you think I did the right thing ditching the black?”

“Definitely,” Rey agreed, smiling at him. “I think this gives a much better impression of who you are now.”

“I swore I was never going to end up like my father,” Ben said ruefully, spreading his arms and spinning around. “And here I am now, dressed up like a smuggler.”

Rey reached out for him, pulling him into her suddenly, angling her face to look up at him. “Well I think it’s kind of attractive,” she told him shyly.

His lips curled in a smile as he looked down at her, tucking a strand of hair that had come loose from her buns back behind her ear. “Oh do you now?”

“I do,” she replied, tilting her face up further, inviting him to kiss her. He obliged, as he always did, slotting his mouth over hers, their tongues sliding together in a dance familiar to both of them. She couldn’t help but let out a little sigh of longing into his mouth. Weeks on the island and they had learned the shape of each other’s bodies, learned what the other liked, how the other moved. She wondered how much of a chance they would have to be alone from now on. 

Eventually he pulled away from the kiss, eyeing the console. “Nearly there,” he said softly. “I’m going to put that undershirt on.” 

Rey let him go reluctantly, sliding back into the pilot’s seat and waiting for him to return, trying to quell the fluttering of anxiety in her stomach. 

“How are you?” She asked softly, when she felt the heavy warmth of his presence reappear behind her. Given the strength of their bond, she didn’t really need to ask him - she could feel his anxiety and fear thrumming through the bond as clear as day - but she wanted to give him a chance to talk if he needed to. 

Ben seated himself in the co-pilots seat and turned his body towards her, just looking at her, his bottom jaw working as he searched for words. “Afraid,” he said softly. 

_I’m here,_ she replied silently. _I’m always here._

Ben just nodded, before silently handing her a nutrition bar, tearing the wrapper off his own and sitting there chewing thoughtfully. 

They sat together in a companionable silence, letting the bond wrap them in its warm reassurance. 

Eventually, the proximity alarm sounded and the Falcon shuddered as it dropped out of lightspeed, revealing the glowing globe of Naboo hanging in the sky before them, bright against the black velvet of space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's taken a while to get there, but I _promise_ the next chapter is Ben's reunion with Leia and Chewie :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spotify playlist for this fic is [right here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03ebtlBMXSP0UuC1Xt5p3e)

The jewel like tones of the planet were even more beautiful than Rey remembered from her first visit there, and she was momentarily dumbstruck at the sight of the shining orb, speechless until the crackle of an incoming transmission broke her transfixed gaze.

She felt Ben stiffen in the co-pilots seat as another ship loomed into view though the transparisteel, and a strident message came crackling through the comm from the Royal Naboo Space Corps demanding to know who they were. She quickly transmitted the security codes which would allow them access to the planet, before sending a pulse of reassurance through the bond to Ben who was holding himself in a state of tense readiness, as though waiting for some sort of conflict. 

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, muttering “Sorry, force of habit.”

Rey glanced across at him. There were stress lines at the corners of his eyes, his mouth was set in a thin line and his jaw was working. The air in the cockpit was thick with tension, and she would have been able to sense the fear rolling off him in waves even without the presence of the bond. 

“Ben,” she said gently, and his head swivelled towards her. She could see the terror in his eyes, sense the way his body was tensed as if ready to receive a blow or strike out. “It’ll be ok,” she soothed. “I’m here with you.” Rey reached out between the seats, and he gave a small smile that was more of a grimace as he took her hand.

She needed both hands to bring the ship in, so she gave his hand a squeeze before letting go and returning her attention to the console. The planet grew larger and larger in the cockpit window, until their view was filled with nothing but an organic pattern of green and blue, the topography of the planet becoming clearer the closer they came. 

“We are to use one of the palace landing platforms,” Rey told Ben, as she set course for Theed and the ship began to descend through streamers of clouds. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ben look at her curiously.

“The Resistance is based in the Royal Palace?” He asked, disbelief evident in his tone. “I would have thought that would be politically difficult for the monarch.”

“No,” Rey corrected gently. “They are based in some of the ancillary buildings outside grounds, there is however an entrance to the complex of buildings they’re using from within the walls of the palace with a landing pad nearby. Leia thought it best if our arrival stirred as little attention as possible.”

Ben snorted, without humour. “Yeah, I bet.”

Rey looked over at him, running her eyes over his garb. “How many people would recognise you?” She asked, suddenly curious. “How many know that Leia’s son was once Kylo Ren? How many would put your face to his name?”

Ben shrugged fractionally. “I would imagine that most of the Resistance command structure are well aware by now that I’m Leia’s son. As for how many other people would actually recognise my face…” he shrugged again. “I have no idea. I never removed my mask when I was on First Order assignments.”

Rey nodded in understanding, gazing out of the window and admiring the view as they swept over the floodplains, rivers glinting like silver in the sun, like shining ribbons spread out across the land. In the distance, the city of Theed came into view, towering over the plains, its buildings and domes looking for all the world like some giant creature hunkered down on the edge of the escarpment. 

“We’re nearly here,” she breathed, feeling Ben stiffen again in the seat next to her. She brought the ship in over the edge of the city, transmitting another set of codes which would give them permission to land inside the palace grounds. She only half paid attention to her flying as she maneuvered the ship over the palace, most of her mind on Ben’s mental state which was currently churning with a complex mixture of emotions. Fear was uppermost in them all - not fear of what would happen to him - but rather fear of facing Leia - and Chewie- at long last. She wrapped Ben in the warmth of her love and affection as they grew closer, poured every ounce of her belief into the maelstrom of dark emotion quivering next to her, and felt him stabilise, just a little, as she filled him with her light. 

Small black specks of figures could be seen standing on the flagged floor of the large courtyard, and those figures drew closer to the landing platform the nearer the Falcon got, making Rey wonder who precisely would be there to greet them on their disembarkment. By the time she had lowered the ship into a smooth landing, Leia could clearly be seen through the cockpit window, dressed in some elegant grey robes, her face serious. She was flanked by Finn, Chewie, Poe, a Twi-lek woman Rey had never seen before, and a few other random Resistance members she couldn’t quite place. Apart from one that was...while the rest of them stood there somber faced and serious, one small girl with black hair and buns jumped up and down waving and smiling at Rey. 

“Who’s that,” Ben asked curiously, his voice only a little strangled. 

“That’s my friend Rose,” Rey said, a smile coming to her lips as she waved back at the diminutive girl. “You’ll like her.”

Ben made a non committal noise, before standing abruptly without another word and walking to the sealed ramp of the Falcon. Rey quickly powered down the ship and then followed him, standing at his side as he stood there breathing heavily, his jaw working furiously and the darkness hanging around him like some sort of death shroud. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he said suddenly, his hands curling into tight fists. Rey could feel the adrenaline coursing through his body, the instinct to fly or to fight warring within him. She sent waves of soothing energy towards him, and reached out, taking his hand in hers and deftly unlocking his fingers with her own before sliding her hand into his. 

“You can,” Rey replied, “I know you can. And you don’t have to do this alone. I’m right here.”

Ben looked down at their joined hands between them and raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re sure it’s a good idea for you to meet the Resistance hand in hand with a known war criminal?” He asked sardonically.

Rey shrugged. “Most of them know about us.” She felt a flare of surprise through the bond at her admission, and Ben turned to look at her sharply. She met his burning gaze with her own. “I’m not ashamed of my love for you,” she told him. “The whole galaxy could know for all I care.”

She felt the deep gratitude welling up in him and gave his hand a squeeze. “Well. Shall we?”

He took a deep steadying breath and then nodded at her, before hitting the button to open the ramp, sunlight streaming in to lap at their toes as if they stood on the banks of a lake made of light. They walked off the ship as one, hand in hand, and she kept part of her mind always with his, supporting and steadying him. 

The Resistance members were armed with blasters, Rey noted, but they remained holstered even as she and Ben strode out into the strong sunlight, for which she was eternally grateful. She could still see, though, the readiness in their stances, all of them poised to grab their weapons at a seconds notice if Ben showed any signs of violence. She met Finn and Poe’s eyes briefly and nodded to them.

Ben had walked down the ramp with his gaze trained to the floor, but Rey felt the very moment that he lifted his head and his eyes met his mothers for the first time in years. She almost staggered at the force of the emotion that coursed through him as he looked into the deep brown of Leia’s regard. Tears blurred her vision, momentarily blinding her, and she saw through Ben’s eyes the moment that Leia stepped towards him. The General moved tentatively at first, as though approaching a wild animal that might startle. Her eyes were fixed unwaveringly on her son’s and Rey could sense how Ben felt his mother’s gaze boring through him and stripping him raw, dragging up every ounce of shame and regret he held for what he had done. Leia stopped in front of him just looking at him for a moment, and then, slowly, she raised her arms to Ben in an offering of an embrace of welcome. 

Rey felt the moment Ben broke, the immensity of events overcoming him. He dropped her hand and she felt the strength leave his legs as he fell to his knees in front of his mother, his knees hitting the floor harshly but the pain barely registering in his mind. Deep sobs were wrenched up from inside him, like an unstoppable tide surging outwards, as he dropped his head into his hands. Rey felt her legs buckle with the weight of his emotions, and dropped to the floor onto her own knees. She had to pull back from his mind then. It was all too much, the grief in him overwhelming and raw, and she wanted to leave him to the privacy of this pivotal moment. 

Leia watched for just a second as her son sobbed in front of her, his body heaving with waves of grief, before she stepped forward and gathered him to her. She pressed his head into her stomach as her hands stroked through his hair soothingly. 

“Ben,” she murmured brokenly. “My Ben. My son, Welcome home.”

Sobs heaved through Ben’s body, and the words he was speaking could just about be made out, though muffled by his mother’s legs. “Sorry. I’m so sorry,” he was saying, over and over, and Rey felt the words pierce at her heart in a way that was both painful and healing. He had waited for this moment for so long. He had _needed_ this moment. She could feel the reverberations of his emotions through the Force, the words he spoke to Leia like lancing an infected wound that he had been carrying ever since he killed his father. Sheer relief coursed through him as he at last admitted his regret to his mother, combined with the heart stopping fear that he would never be forgiven. 

As they stood there, mother embracing son, Rey finally found her senses again and pushed herself up to her feet, dashing away the tears that were streaming down her face. The members of the Resistance appeared stunned, frozen. Poe and Finn were open mouthed as though they couldn’t believe what they were seeing and the Twi-lek woman watched intently with a small frown creasing her brow. Rose had her hand over her mouth and was crying freely, her eyes filled with compassion, and Chewie crooned softly next to Rose, his hand on her shoulder. 

What had they expected, Rey wondered? For him to be imperious and arrogant? For him to rage and fight? For him to be stubborn and truculent? For him to be uncooperative with any demands they made? Of course that was what they expected, she realised. They had come here expecting to meet Kylo Ren, former Supreme Leader of the whole galaxy, legendary for his violence and lack of sentiment. The reputation of his former self preceded him. But what they had actually got was all Ben Solo, anchored in all his light and his vulnerability, his heart cracked open like an egg at the sight of his mother. 

She moved towards her friends, and that seemed to break the spell of the moment. They tore their eyes away from mother and son, and then Rey was swept into all of their embraces, passed from person until she had been thoroughly hugged. She landed last of all in Chewie’s warm and furry embrace, and the Wookie lifted her from the floor in his enthusiasm.

_You brought my nephew home,_ he vocalised, holding her so tightly that she could barely breathe. _I knew you would_

She patted Chewie’s back, and thankfully the Wookie took the signal to let her go and set her back on her feet. They all turned back to Leia and her son. Ben was standing now, his eyes downcast and tears still occasionally dripping from them as Leia spoke to him softly, her palms pressed to his cheeks, cradling her head in his hands. He glanced up at her and nodded as she wiped his tears away with her thumbs. Eventually Leia’s soft murmuring stopped and she stepped back, casting her eyes over the assembled members of the Resistance. 

Rey felt a movement, and suddenly Chewie was striding forward from her side. Ben’s eyes widened in recognition, and she could feel the fear that stabbed at his heart as he looked into the eyes of his uncle. The Wookie stopped in front of her bond-mate, towering over him, the air heavy with tension, before letting out a roar of reproach and cuffing Ben so hard around the head that Rey could hear her own ears ringing. Ben looked up at the Wookie, his voice trembling. “I’m sorry, Uncle Chewie.”

Next thing, he was swept into a bone crushing hug and Rey watched as he stroked his hands through the coarse fur of the Wookie’s back, before gripping it tightly, his body wracked with a new wave of sobs. 

Leia approached them, her eyes reddened with tears, and took Rey’s hands in her own, before pulling he rinto a hug. “Thank you,” she said softly into Rey’s ear, and Rey could hear the emotion evident in her voice. “Thank you.” Rey nodded into the older woman’s shoulder, her sniffles muffled by the rich fabric of Leia’s robes.

The general pulled back eventually, and cast her eyes around the assorted members of the Resistance who stood in a loose semi circle facing her, while Chewie crooned softly to a shattered Ben behind them. 

“Well,” the General said briskly, her voice becoming all business again. “Let’s get my son situated in his accommodation. Then there’s a meeting to be had about the next steps.”

The others nodded in understanding, looking around Leia's shoulders at Ben who was still wrapped in the Wookie’s embrace. Rey felt a sudden flush of cold pierce through her at the thought of him being taken away from her and stashed in some distant cold prison somewhere. 

“Is he to be put in a cell?” She asked, hating the way her voice was shaking with concern

Leia shook her head, but it was Poe who answered for her, his voice firm but not unkind. “No, Rey. He’s been assigned quarters, but will be confined to them until the trial has taken place. The doors will be locked and a guard will be posted to ensure he doesn’t leave. He will also be required to hand over his saber to us.”

“Just for safekeeping,” Rose interrupted, her face filled with sympathy. “Until there is a verdict.”

Rey nodded in understanding. It was only what she had expected, what they had both expected. What all of them knew, but did not say, was that Ben was more than capable of escaping from his rooms if he so chose, given his prowess with the Force. His confinement was more symbolic than anything, and Rey could understand why it needed to happen. She shuffled her feet on the floor anxiously, before glancing up at Leia. “What is it, Rey?” The General asked, fixing her dark eyes, so like Ben’s on her face. 

Rey swallowed. “Will I be able to see him?”She asked nervously. There was a soft snort next to her which she thought came from Finn, but she chose to ignore it.

Leia bestowed a warm smile on her then, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Of course. He’s not in solitary confinement. You can see him whenever you like.” 

Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, as relief surged through her. Ben’s reddened eyes flickered to hers for just a moment, and she could see the same relief in them as well. He even managed to give her a slight smile, and although it didn’t quite reach his eyes Rey knew he was doing it for her benefit, and felt a sudden rush of love for him.

Ben approached the group cautiously, Chewie at his side, and his hands trembled as they traveled down to his waist and unclipped the saber from his belt. He handed it over to Poe wordlessly, and Poe took it equally solemnly. 

“I’ll take good care of it,” the pilot promised her bond-mate.

Ben nodded and choked out a “Thank you,” his voice hoarse with the tears he had been shedding only moments ago.

The Resistance members flanked Ben as they walked through the large door inset in the walls around the castle ground, and which led directly into the administrative buildings in which the Resistance base was now housed. Rey walked at his side though, sliding her hand into his unashamedly. 

_Well done,_ she pressed towards him softly, and was met only with wordless response of distracted gratitude as they were marched down the corridors of the building, deeper into the Resistance base. 

*

Ben felt raw, as though he had been slit open and his insides exposed to the sky. He barely took in the details of the building they passed through. Normally, in an unfamiliar place, he would be making a mental map of the twists and turns, planning out possible routes of attack or of retreat. Now, though, there was no need, he had freely handed himself over to await whatever fate they saw fit for him, and he was too distracted to care anyway. The events of a few moments ago played through his mind on a loop. 

The moment he had first cast eyes on his mother had shaken him to the bone. She looked so much older than he remembered, and somehow smaller, as though bowed by the weight of a million different responsibilities, and he had wondered how much of that aging he was responsible for. In his mind, somehow his mother had stayed as young as she had when he was first sent away at only 10 years old, she had remained somehow an ageless and immortal figure. So seeing the ravages of time upon her was a shocking blow. The lines in her face spoke of long years of worry and sadness, though there were laughter lines at the corners of her eyes too. He could only hope that the preceding years had brought her some joy as well as pain. Her hair was more grey now than brunette, as though streaked with the light of a silver moon. An Alderaanian mourning braid was twisted across the top of her head, no doubt to mark the passing of her husband at his hands. 

As he had moved closer, Rey’s hand was warm in his, her love and concern for him pulsing through their connection, and he had focused on that to steady himself as his mother approached them both. And then, impossibly, unthinkably, Leia had opened her arms to him in welcome, something that even his many imaginings of how this moment would go he had never predicted. That simple action - the lifting and opening of her arms - that gesture of welcome and of love, had broken him. Some sort of dam within him had given way, and he was only dimly aware of the pain as his knees hit the hard floor, overtaken by the rush of tearing sorrow that had coursed through him. Sobs were dredged up from the very deepest part of him, horrible choking, hacking noises forcing their way up through his throat. 

He was vaguely aware that the rest of the Resistance were standing around and watching him go to pieces, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to care as his mother’s hand came into his hair, and she gathered him towards her. He pressed his head into her stomach and his arms around her legs and let himself weep as though he was 9 years old again, and knew his tears must be leaving stains on her skirts. She didn’t seem to care at all though, as next thing he heard her saying softly, “Ben. My Ben. My son, Welcome home.”

With those few simple words she reclaimed him as her son, welcomed him back to her side, and it only made him cry all the harder.

Finally the tears had slowed and he composed himself, forcing himself to his feet, while the happy sound of Rey greeting her friends echoed from the stone walls. He could feel eyes upon him, some of the Resistance members watching him carefully, but he studiously ignored them, focusing instead on the woman before him. It was strange looking down at her like this, the last time he had seen her he had been gaining height but had not quite reached her height and had to tilt his head slightly to look up at her. Now, though, she seemed so much smaller than him, and he felt that he towered over her. 

She was looking up at him and smiling, her eyes red and watery, but a slight smile playing about her lips. 

“Well, you’ve certainly grown,” she said softly. 

He nodded dumbly, before croaking out, “Mom,” his throat closing up on the word. 

“It’s good to see you, Ben,” she told him, keeping her voice low to give them some privacy. “I’m so glad that, in the end, you came home to me.”

“Mom,” he choked out again. “I-I’m sorry- what I did- I- I- I was so lost. So lost, and Dad-”

“Shhh,” she soothed, her hands coming up to stroke over his hair. “I know Ben, I know.”

Her fingers brushed over his cheeks, wiping his tears away, then came to cradle his cheeks, her gaze upon him steady and unwavering. He found he couldn’t hold the intensity of that gaze for long, and dropped his eyes to the flagged floor, the occasional tear still falling from the and spattering wetly on the floor below. 

His mother spoke soft and low. “You’re back home now son, and that’s what matters. I’m not saying it won’t take time for old wounds to heal, this is just the beginning.” Ben nodded in acknowledgement. Leia’s expression turned serious. “You need to know that there’s going to be a trial, Ben, within days,” his mother continued. “I’ve recused from being a Judge due to the conflict of interest, but I will do everything I possibly can to help you, and I know that Rey will too.”

He nodded again, “Thanks mom.”

“Hey,” Leia said, and he looked up and met her eyes with his own again, still unable to quite grasp the love and the forgiveness he could see writ large in them. Leia jerked her head over in Rey’s direction. “That girl loves you to the ends of the galaxy, you know.”

Ben’s gaze flicked briefly over his mother’s shoulder to Rey, who was standing watching them now as were the rest of the Resistance. “I love her too,” he admitted, and his mother’s face creased in a warm smile.

“I’m glad you’ve met someone Ben. I’m glad you let somebody in. Now.” His mother smoothed down her skirts and brushed the last of her tears from her eyes. “There are things I need to do to prepare for the trial.”

Ben nodded in understanding, and his mother turned to face the rest of the group that lingered close by. No sooner had she turned though, than in a blur of brown and orange Chewbacca was striding towards him. His father’s best friend - brother even. His uncle. Who he had betrayed and hurt terribly. The Wookie’s face was as hard to read as ever, but fear lanced through Ben as the giant creature strode towards him and he braced his body for what was about to come. 

Chewie let out a roar of reproach right in his face, almost deafening in its loudness. There wasn’t a direct translation, it was more a roar of feeling than anything Chewie was saying to him directly, but it still carried the umistakable meaning of _Kriffing stupid idiot_. Next thing, he was cuffed across the head harshly by the Wookie’s huge paw, so hard that it made his head spin and his ears ring. “I’m sorry, Uncle Chewie,” he choked out, overcome with remorse. 

His ears were still ringing and his head spinning a little,so he wasn’t entirely with it for a moment as the Wookie swept him into an embrace, and for a moment he feared it was his father’s best friend’s intention to crush him to death. The embrace wasn’t stifling though, it stopped just short of being uncomfortably constrictive. Instead it was firm and supporting, and Chewie was crooning softly in his throat, a sound which spoke of grief but also of welcome, relief, and love. 

Ben’s hands came up and stroked their way through the Wookie’s fur, holding Chewie close to him feeling the tears which had never really stopped spring to his eyes again as he allowed his uncle to hold him close and welcome him back.

Then there had been facing the Resistance, hearing the terms of his surrender, and handing over his lightsaber to Dameron - something which made him feel like he was giving a fundamental part of himself away, but which he knew was entirely necessary. Rey had taken his hand, sending him waves of comfort through the bond as they marched him down the corridors.

Now they stood in front of some double doors, and his mother was giving him a last embrace. He bent to allow her to place a kiss on his forehead. “These are your quarters. I’ll come and see you soon,” she promised him, and he nodded dumbly. She turned to Rey then, whose hand was still clasped tightly in his own. “We’ll need you at this pre-trial meeting shortly,” Leia told her, and Rey nodded. 

“Can you give me 10 minutes?” Rey asked. “I want to make sure that he’s settled in okay.”

He noticed as Finn rolled his eyes, and the small girl called Rose, who Rey had said he would like, smiled softly at Rey’s words. 

“Of course,” his mother replied. “10 minutes.”

Rey nodded, and then his mother and the others were sweeping away down the corridor, leaving behind 2 Resistance members he didn’t know, presumably to guard the room - for all the good that would do if he actually decided to escape. “Knock when you want out,” one of them said to Rey, a gruff older man and she nodded silently in response.

Then the doors were opening and Rey bundled him into the room - _my prison_ he reminded himself - the door’s lock clicking behind them after the door closed, and they were alone once more.


End file.
